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Do you guys truly want friends?

11K views 100 replies 68 participants last post by  jojy1 
#1 ·
I know I do, just lack confidence and social skills. Do you feel lonely?
 
#3 ·
I can't really think of anything I would do with a friend, I haven't had one for over twenty years now and most of the things I would do in my twenties with friends involved partying. I'm not very witty, or a strong conversationalist so I would probably bore a lot of people, I guess it would be cool to play a few video games with.. ultimately though, I think if I had friends we would just resort to getting drunk :lol


It is probably better that I don't have friends.
 
#17 ·
I can't really think of anything I would do with a friend, I haven't had one for over twenty years now and most of the things I would do in my twenties with friends involved partying. I'm not very witty, or a strong conversationalist so I would probably bore a lot of people, I guess it would be cool to play a few video games with.. ultimately though, I think if I had friends we would just resort to getting drunk :lol

It is probably better that I don't have friends.
Have you ever had a relationship where you dont have to get drunk and you feel like you are not boring the other person?
 
#4 ·
I'm pretty bad at keeping in contact with people online, and I guess I don't want friends irl but it's more complicated than that there are a few things I don't feel comfortable opening up about with most people which sort of makes friendship impossible and pointless. Sometimes I've spoken to people a lot but we never really got close. Also I'm pretty robotic too in some ways. It's very easy for me to talk to people about stuff that interests me but I'm not very good at intimacy or small talk or the other stuff really just being a normal person in general lol.
 
#5 ·
I crave connection and belonging but its good to have healthy friendships. I just wish it were easier then taking a calculus I II or III course at university.
 
#13 ·
I used to have quite a few friends when I was younger. I think in many ways it's easier when you're young - you're life is less complicated. Once you get married and have kids things get a lot trickier and you just don't have as much time. Plus more things have happened to you - and to your friends.

I'd quite like a couple more people that are understanding of my mental health issues. That mainly just involves them liking me enough to put up with me - which one or two still do, but one here in Melbourne has no understanding of it at all - so I feel less inclined to talk to him.

Thank God I'm still friends with my wife. She doesn't really get all this either but why should she be expected to - she still likes me though so that's enough. We tolerate each other's nonsense.
 
#14 ·
I don't want friends, but I do feel lonely sometimes.

I'm quite frequently offered opportunities to make friends (coworkers, schoolmates, hobbies).
While I chat with them in the situation, I usually avoid any deeper contact with them (not exchanging phone numbers, no social media, not hanging with them outside the place I know them from).

That being said, I have some older friendships that I value to some degree.
As for making new ones, I feel like I don't connect well enough with people (what they're interested in, how they approach things, what they talk about etc).

I guess the benefit of friends can be being able to explore ideas from new perspectives.
Just that, with people being interested in different things...

Also, I would prefer having that without having to spend any extra time connecting.
 
#16 ·
Yes, but I have high expectations--I want full acceptance from the get-go and that's just not how people work. People build relationships in increments--fast friends are almost a myth. That, and I'm painfully awkward, anxious, feel socially exhausted very easily, and I don't enjoy conversation much partly because the things I just mentioned. My desire to avoid, my sensitivity to rejection, and my preference of solitude over trying to play people's social games is higher than my desire for friendship.
 
#24 ·
My real life relationships with people have always been complicated. There are a lot of people I get along well with very casually and probably quite a few people who are interested in a lot of the stuff I'm interested in. But "friends" is deeper than that. It doesn't feel right to stop communicating with a friend for a month and then pick up like nothing happened. Or at least I always got the feeling they expected to hang out every day and just drop by unannounced and so forth. Like if they called and I didn't answer, they would keep calling over and over and over for days. How do you approach the subject diplomatically and say "You know Mike, I like hanging out but ummmmm......could you not do that?" I'm not good at turning people down. And I just need that. I need to breathe.
 
#36 ·
I think they would be, so long as they shares similar interests and were on the same wavelength. There are multiple factors that determine if people will be compatible friends or not. For the most part, the more similar they are the better friends they will probably be.
 
#30 ·
No, I don't think I do, not sure, I like the idea of friends, maybe under the right circumstance, but I hate feeling socially pressured or obligated.

Trying to fit into the toxic masculinity culture that generally permeates doesn't do it for me.
 
#33 ·
No. I don't care about or need friends. If I meet someone and we hit it off, get along, can have a healthy and productive friendship and have similar interests, then cool. I highly doubt this is going to happen, though, especially where I live right now, and I'm waaay past the point of caring. I'm engaged so I'm no longer lonely, and I don't find it necessary to have friends. It might be healthy and beneficial in some way, but I honestly just don't care anymore lol.
 
#35 ·
I have a few friends but we're not too close and don't really share the same interests. We hang out once in a while just because, I guess. When I was younger I had some really close friends and we all shared very similar interests, that was amazing. Don't think I'll ever experience that again. I would never want like a ton of friends and acquaintances, that would be too much work. Just maybe a couple of close ones. But I'm so avoidant and self-abasing I don't think that's possible.
 
#38 ·
I can honestly say that I don't. Socializing is too difficult for me and my feeling has been that I don't have a right to inflict myself on anybody and waste their time with someone as lame as me. I can't even run my own life properly, so how could I run a friendship or romantic relationship properly? That's why I keep people at arm's length - just professional but courteous and helpful as much as I can be, but I can only go so far.
 
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