Being fake friendly with ex friends
I just wanna hear your guys opinions on if you think it is worth taking this person into my life again. And how I can avoid being too nice to them.
I have this ex friend, who also is my cousin. All our lives we have been friends. I have always been there for her. She has struggled a lot with issues. I always help her on the phone and stuff. But this year she started acting super distant after she got a boyfriend. She legit wouldn't talk to me anymore, and he was the center of her world. So much so that the day that I graduated - which is a day me and her have been looking forward to celebrating for the past 3 years - she didn't even send me a single text. My other friends who are also in a relationship did have "time" to be there for me, one of them even got me a cake. This is not to sound selfish, but it seriously disappointed me so deeply that she did not give a single damn about me on this day because it was so very special to me. It really made me realize what a ****ty friend she is. We didn't talk that summer at all, also I didn't include her at my party.
Now that she is not so head over heels with her boyfriend anymore, she wanna talk to me again. But when we do talk, all she talks about is how ****ty her other friends are. They all blocked her, because of reasons I am not sure about. But I think a lot of it has to do with her not prioritizing them and constantly canceling plans. So I kind of understand them if I'm being honest.
Also I know deep down she is not my real friend and that it will never be the same. I don't think she deserves my friendship if I'm being honest. I do have amazing friends, who are not like her at all so I know how I deserve to be treated and know that the way she goes around having friends is so wrong. I haven't told her this, but I always feel like I care for her so much. When she told me she felt depressed I was like "You can call me whenever" but I feel like it's a bad habit. She clearly doesn't deserve my care. Because when I needed someone, she didn't have time for me.
All in all, I have a feeling she just trash talks every woman. She is more of a tomb boy, but it is seriously tiring to listen to her always feeling like she is superior to other women. And I know she does exactly the same to me when I am not around. And I know I am worth so much more than that.
I don't mean this to sound manipulative, but she broke my trust. Like for real. She was the closest woman in my life. And I don't wanna give it back to her.
Fast forward to now, she is throwing a get together where there will be fun and alcohol. I feel like she is starting to let me in, and I forget all the crap she did. I still wanna go, but I kind off don't know if she deserves me. She wants me back as her best friend. But I really feel like she doesn't deserve that in any way.
I know she will judge the crap out of me when I succeed in anything. And I honestly know deep down she will use anything against me inside of her head, to feel better about herself.
Overall I don't wanna care for her. I don't wanna be nice when she doesn't deserve it. And I don't wanna be a doormat to her when she needs to feel better about herself. Should I just stop talking to her? Or keep being in contact because I kind off like to "take advantage" off the situation?