A guy meets a girl at a bar and asks her back to his apartment. They're making out on the couch when she remarks
"hey, do you want to take this upstairs?"
To which he replies
"Okay then, it's a bit heavy but you get one end and I'll get the other"
"I think the existential dilemma is: We're social animals, so we all wrestle with a sense of inadequacy. But when we realize that we're not as inadequate as we thought we were, and when we realize that everybody elese also thinks they're inadequate, then the ache goes away and the idea that we're not a person of value disappears to some extent."
"I wash myself with a rag on a stick"