WHat advice to your have for someone younger than you with SA - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 42 (permalink) Old 01-30-2020, 12:39 PM
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That's what I was basically going to come here to say but you worded it a lot better lol.
Thanks.
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post #22 of 42 (permalink) Old 01-30-2020, 12:46 PM
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Exposure is the best therapy. You have to get out there and be around people. Or else the fear will always be there.
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post #23 of 42 (permalink) Old 02-05-2020, 01:20 PM
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Seek out help wherever you may have access to it, don't let your mental health deteriorate over time through avoidance.
Try to be proactive at confronting your anxiety rather than reinforcing bad habits, and be generous with the time and energy you give to people if your as closed off and reclusive as me. Although, I can't really say I do these things myself.

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post #24 of 42 (permalink) Old 02-05-2020, 01:25 PM
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post #25 of 42 (permalink) Old 02-05-2020, 02:47 PM
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Hit everyone that annoys you over the head with a baseball bat.
Possibly the best method of healing and coping with life in general

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post #26 of 42 (permalink) Old 02-05-2020, 03:16 PM
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As someone now seeing her SA affect her children: friends are important. We've evolved to need friends, and it's much more difficult to make them when you've already established your life. Your spouse and kids don't count as far as social interaction goes, because now I've created a problem in which we are all kind of alone. More social interactions=more friends=more chances to grow and learn from each other. Don't just focus on one or 2 people and neglect the others. Keep lines of communication open. You never know when you will need someone's support, and by diversifying you can only help yourself. Find a way you can interact at all. For me, I need that good ol' social lubricant to interact with most people, but if I had pushed myself when I was young, I don't think I'd find it as difficult to do so much as make a business phone call as I do now. You can do it. We're not islands, as much as we want to be. It's important to reach out.

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post #27 of 42 (permalink) Old 02-05-2020, 03:34 PM Thread Starter
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When you feel anxious walking through a crowd ,take a sec and you will realize noone is paying any attention to you. Sometimes its all in your head.


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I really had bad days I felt like am alone but it was once worse. I think am making progress and finding my smile back.
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The link is audios,videos and by that Irish guy Barry McDonagh(one of my favorite Social Anxiety authors ). Sharing is caring.
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post #28 of 42 (permalink) Old 02-06-2020, 05:58 AM
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I'd say, don't make SA into a lifestyle. There are a lot of people in SA spaces online who will post stuff like this, and it's comforting to a degree, but then it becomes a crutch. You'll go 'yay, I belong in this SA thing' and then you'll stay within that comfort zone, never taking risks or working on positive change. You might even get competitive with other people over whose SA is worse. Before you know it, you're too old to even consider changing your ways, and your SA is the core thing that defines you, your safety blanket. You've got regrets, but now you think it's because of the unfortunate cards you've been dealt by fate. Then you proceed to blame everyone, get obstinate and bitter, therefore reducing your chances of working through your issues even further.


Instead: take risks, be brave, get help and support, take steps everyday, talk to people who encourage growth and not stagnation or regression. If things don't work, try other things.

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post #29 of 42 (permalink) Old 02-06-2020, 11:23 AM
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Originally Posted by rabidfoxes View Post
I'd say, don't make SA into a lifestyle. There are a lot of people in SA spaces online who will post stuff like this, and it's comforting to a degree, but then it becomes a crutch. You'll go 'yay, I belong in this SA thing' and then you'll stay within that comfort zone, never taking risks or working on positive change. You might even get competitive with other people over whose SA is worse. Before you know it, you're too old to even consider changing your ways, and your SA is the core thing that defines you, your safety blanket. You've got regrets, but now you think it's because of the unfortunate cards you've been dealt by fate. Then you proceed to blame everyone, get obstinate and bitter, therefore reducing your chances of working through your issues even further.


Instead: take risks, be brave, get help and support, take steps everyday, talk to people who encourage growth and not stagnation or regression. If things don't work, try other things.
That's an interesting post - and I agree, we shouldn't let any of our problems define us.

I also can't believe how ugly the format on Reddit is. How the hell do people use that?
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post #30 of 42 (permalink) Old 02-06-2020, 11:28 AM
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I have no idea what I'd tell someone else with social anxiety. I only know what I've done - and that certainly hasn't worked out all that good in many ways. How each of us experiences anxiety is obviously extremely different too - none of us can tell how debilitating it is for another person.

I think quite a lot of things in my life have turned out okay due to good luck as opposed to anything I did on my part. If my wife had been of a different temperament for example - she would have told me go to hell a long time ago. I've known other women that would have treated me very differently to how she does.

I'm still here - that's the main thing. And most of the time I feel okay.
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post #31 of 42 (permalink) Old 02-06-2020, 11:46 AM
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That's an interesting post - and I agree, we shouldn't let any of our problems define us.

I also can't believe how ugly the format on Reddit is. How the hell do people use that?

Thanks! Looking back, it's kind of grim, clearly I wasn't in the most cheerful of moods (had an upcoming dentist's appointment).

I agree re Reddit, but it grew on me. I realised that you have to use it completely differently from a forum and it's more like speaking at a crowd of strangers whom you'll never meet again. It's not really for relationship building, there's little continuity.

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post #32 of 42 (permalink) Old 02-06-2020, 11:51 AM
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Thanks! Looking back, it's kind of grim, clearly I wasn't in the most cheerful of moods (had an upcoming dentist's appointment).

I agree re Reddit, but it grew on me. I realised that you have to use it completely differently from a forum and it's more like speaking at a crowd of strangers whom you'll never meet again. It's not really for relationship building, there's little continuity.
I can do that. I'm often quite good at talking at people. Maybe I should give it a go.

So people don't usually answer when you post something on there?
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post #33 of 42 (permalink) Old 02-06-2020, 12:17 PM
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I can do that. I'm often quite good at talking at people. Maybe I should give it a go.

So people don't usually answer when you post something on there?
They will, but you'll have an exchange with them and likely you'll never speak to the same person again. Unless you frequent a small sub. If you just want to talk to someone random, r/CasualConversation has more posts per hour than you'd have time to answer.

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post #34 of 42 (permalink) Old 02-06-2020, 12:20 PM
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They will, but you'll have an exchange with them and likely you'll never speak to the same person again. Unless you frequent a small sub. If you just want to talk to someone random, r/CasualConversation has more posts per hour than you'd have time to answer.
Sounds a bit like the big Facebook groups. I look at a bipolar one sometimes and it's a lot like that. Probably due to the amount of people on there I guess.
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post #35 of 42 (permalink) Old 02-07-2020, 09:05 AM
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Get professional help as soon as you can. Whether it is medication or therapy or both. Its hard to fix yourself if you don't know and understand what is wrong or how to fix it. Its not a perfect solution but its where you need to start.

Once you do that work on exposing yourself to as many new experiences as possible. Best way to overcome fear is to do the thing your afraid of and then you will see its not so bad. Much easier said then done I know.
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post #36 of 42 (permalink) Old 02-07-2020, 07:19 PM
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Life is too short to be taken seriously sometimes. Also that when you grow older you tend to get more comfortable in your skin and you'll care a little less about how others perceive you. That no one is without faults, everyone is a bit crazy in their own way, and you just have to figure out what works best for you. Learn to laugh at yourself, be forgiving about the mistakes you make, always know that if one door shuts that doesn't mean they all do and that while you may be an anxious mess....you'll find your way and are going to be fine. Don't give up on yourself.

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post #37 of 42 (permalink) Old 02-10-2020, 03:26 AM
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There's a lot of great tips in this thread. That's great. I'd say expose yourself to everything you can and learn from your experiences. Read alot about this condition and that's the best reassurance that your not alone and it's ok to make mistakes, which some of those mistakes you may not be able to help.
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post #38 of 42 (permalink) Old 02-10-2020, 06:24 AM
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Before you know it, you're too old to even consider changing your ways, and your SA is the core thing that defines you, your safety blanket.
As someone who got into that mindset very young and kept it well into adulthood, I'd say the most important thing is to realize there is no such age. You're never too old to consider changing your ways. You can always find the courage to build a new core identity, not instantly but as a process. Trust yourself to be able to do that, know that new uniquenesses will replace the ones you give up.

And also, pick who you socialize with carefully.

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post #39 of 42 (permalink) Old 02-10-2020, 07:03 AM
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As someone who got into that mindset very young and kept it well into adulthood, I'd say the most important thing is to realize there is no such age. You're never too old to consider changing your ways. You can always find the courage to build a new core identity, not instantly but as a process. Trust yourself to be able to do that, know that new uniquenesses will replace the ones you give up.

And also, pick who you socialize with carefully.
Well said. Words that will become the motivation for me.
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post #40 of 42 (permalink) Old 02-10-2020, 08:19 AM
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