I just came across a website. The site is run by a guy I used to work with on a video game project. Long story short, I was the lead programmer, but buckled under the pressure and had a breakdown. I silently disappeared, due to anxiety, and just kinda stopped responding to him. I was going through the roughest point in my life, and my high point on anxiety.
Regardless, I effectively killed the project by myself.
Anyway, he just got funded for a new project -- $200,000 through Kickstarter.
He got the license to do an official sequel to an old 80's NES game, which just so happens to be my personal favorite game.
Its a project we talked about before, but didn't have the resources to do it. Now he's got it funded, and even managed to get a hold of the original director from 20 years ago to oversee the project.
Its a dream job. I could have been on that team. I used to be on his team.
His new team is fully staffed with writers, artists, programmers, etc. -- I don't know if there would be room for me. Not to mention, is it even ok to ask for a position on the team now? I did single handedly kill our previous project...
Anyway, I'm posting this in the Positive Thinking Section, because honestly, I'm feeling pretty good. In the past, I might have beat myself up (really badly) about losing such an amazing opportunity. But right now, while I'm a little frustrated, I'm still feeling pretty positive over all.
I could still use some positive encouragement though. I'm not sure yet if I should respond to this, or just let it go.
Honestly, I'd love to work on this project -- like I said, it would be a dream job. But the main reason I crumbled on our last project is because I felt way in over my head. I got to a point where I was hitting too many roadblocks, and I just wasn't skilled enough at the time to overcome them. Looking at their art and code now, I still don't feel like I'm at a high enough level to be able to keep up.
And unfortunately, my SA and depression has held me back from my full potential. Honestly, I haven't kept up on my art skills, and I haven't touched programming since I left that project almost two years ago. Needless to say, I'd be more than rusty.
But all in all, I'm feeling pretty positive, thanks to extensive therapy and finally unlocking the power of true positive thinking. But a little encouragement and advice still wouldn't hurt.