Im at the point where im yelling subvocally and im constantly, subvocally, saying what im doing or thinking. Its cOmpletely out of control and im desperately looking for a way to stop it. I just found out it was called speaking subvocally the other day, ive never really been able to give it a word. Anyways, im yelling subvocally, invulontary, to the point where both neighbors can hear it and try to get me to calm down, which technically I already am, I just cant stop this subvocal bull**** and it effects everything in my life, from going to the bathroom, to reading a book, to riding a bus. Im constantly trying not to blurt out sexual thing which greatly reduces my ability to focus. The kicker is that my house is right next to a highway and cars greAtly amplify the volume of it to the point where you could hear me reading a book( im subvocally reading every word while striving to prevent anything sexual from coming out, greatly reducing my reading speed and attention span) from across the street. Its been giving me throbbing headaches. dogs hate me. Ive losy most of my friends because of it too. I have no idea how to stop, my best idea is meditation. Its very furstrating, I dont even know how this is possible. I also cause kids and toddlers to cry:/.
The thing that pains me most is the fact that i want to be a martial artist, but before I even throw a punch or kick i subvocally say, loud and clear, what type of punch or kick im going to deliver, thus telegraphing like a book. At lower levels its not such a big deal but at higher levels, the slightest mistake, like a telegraph, will be capatalized upon. Hard.
I wake up with this and i go to sleep with it. Even now, im subvocalizing this.
Does anyone have advice on how to, once and for All, stop? Im very desperate.