How can I work on my self-esteem? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-15-2016, 02:34 AM Thread Starter
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How can I work on my self-esteem?

I have been seeing a counsellor for the past few weeks and she has spoken about my negative critical voice in my head. It probably comes from having such a toxic environment at home and at school. I am always thinking I am ugly and boring, and that I don't belong. She says I rely on alcohol too much to silence this negative voice..

Any tips on how to tackle this? I want to be confident..
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-16-2016, 10:15 PM
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1. Don't rely on alcohol (I've been there; in the end, it just gets worse!)
2. Ask your counselor about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (or ask on the forum)
3. Write down any negative self talk
4. When you have the thoughts, consciously dismiss them as being only thoughts and move past them
5. Focus on positive thinking
6. Exercise! It doesn't matter what, but it always gets me out of a funk.

Read these

It's a slow process, but so long as you are willing to work at it, over time your self talk will change.
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-16-2016, 10:39 PM
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Well, I'll say this much. If you have a lot of negative thoughts and feelings about yourself DON'T express them around other people who do not need to know (unless you're talking to a therapist, don't be negative around other people). People who might otherwise find you to be attractive and appealing will be scared off if they think you're a very negative person. And worse, you might attract abusive people who are looking to take advantage of people with low self-esteem. Which will make it more of a cycle. Your negative thoughts will become self-fulfilling prophecies.

You don't want to seem haughty but you don't want to seem too vulnerable either. Most people will not understand. If you're thinking that expressing your negative feelings and emotions will help other people understand you better and identify with you, almost the exact opposite will happen. People will jump to conclusions and see you as whatever you have told them you are. Your good points will not be seen by people who only know and remember the bad. Make an effort to present yourself in a way that they will remember good things about you.

Here is the most simple and most basic way to think of it that might help you with confidence.

When it comes to other people and the way they see you and the way they think of you, all they know about you is what they can see and what you have told them. If you feel sad, angry, scared, ugly, boring or whatever it is, YOU are the only one who knows what your own personal doubts and fears are. UNLESS you say something, other people don't know. They don't need to know.

If you are quiet, other people very well might think you are shy or lack self-confidence or are boring but it will just be a guessing game with a zillion possible answers. Most people don't have time to sit around burning brainpower trying to guess what other people have going on in their heads. You can shape your own image simply by controlling what other people know about you.

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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-26-2016, 08:11 PM
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You need to start loving yourself instead of searching outside yourself for a temporary release ex. Alcohol How do you stop hating yourself or someone? You give love, acceptance, you listen, patience and most importantly you try to understand.

Come back to who you are. Face who you are. You are more than self loathing. You are more than anxiety. Right now all you have in your hands is negativity. Now, stop reacting to the emotions this negativity brings about in your mind. Instead observe them. Where is this stemming from? What is it saying? Where or what can you do to change the situation into something healthier? What needs work? We always have a choice. So begun to listen to what you have ignored. In order to listen you must observe only. Do not attach yourself to the thoughts. Learn from them instead.

When ever we feel something bad we either lash out and push it away or we sink into it and accept it. Both, we do nothing to solve the issue. Learn where you can apply some care, affection that has been ignored for so long. The fact that your self esteem has manifested to the point it has is because you have not faced it, and tended to it.
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-31-2016, 06:03 PM
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First of all, you are not ugly or boring. I would recommend you focus on what you like about yourself, set up goals, and try to make accomplishments. You are the one in control of yourself. My final advice to you is that your mind can be your greatest enemy...all those negative thoughts are just your brain playing tricks on you. Most people don't know and don't think much, if anything, about you. They have their own problems.
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