Women with autism - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-17-2019, 02:37 PM Thread Starter
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Women with autism


Are there any women/girls here who have Asperger's or autism in general? If so, what's your story? Please tell.

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post #2 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-26-2019, 03:34 PM
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Were you diagnosed with this?

I'm just asking because, for example, Schizoid Personality Disorder can be confused for autism sometimes.

I don't know if my experience is relevant, but I have a schizoid personality. I had lots of things people required from me as a girl which were to be emotional, open, warm, socially skilled, interested in other people, sociable, interested in parties, caring about how I looked etc - all those things I was the opposite of. I was bullied for that thing at school. I was called an alien, an Egyptian mummy, a robot etc. Obviously most of the things I was bullied and insulted for were the way I appeared (and probably still appear) externally and then it was the way I was behaving. They were constantly pointed out to me by some relatives and the rest of people I ever came across.

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post #3 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-26-2019, 05:35 PM
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Here is a great forum for autism/asperger's that is just like SAS, its actually more active than this forum is. https://wrongplanet.net/forums/

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post #4 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-27-2019, 09:58 PM
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I think I have elevated autism traits, and the people who know me often describe me as having a weird, androgynous brain, more logical than they're used to in women apparently. Communication wise I'm pretty socially anxious and inhibited so I can be pretty reticent, and also even though I'm vigilant for making social errors, I'm also inattentive in other ways, like I hardly pay attention to people's names because on some level I'm not very interested. I am interested in sussing people's personalities out though but that might be more because I like predicting what they'll do rather than a bonding thing. I also think I have mild face blindness which is related to autism and just makes things harder. It's not straight forward though because I'm not really cold, nor mechanical, nor unfeminine. I'm still interested in grooming, looking feminine (but not over the top because I'm not interested in things like high heels or much make up), and nurturing though I am more nurturing with partners / animals, don't want human children for various reasons.
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post #5 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-27-2019, 10:10 PM
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post #6 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-28-2019, 12:10 AM
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I think most autistic women are undiagnosed.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-47784849

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post #7 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-28-2019, 12:20 AM
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Yeah, I'm not very emotive at all. I don't compliment other people much at all or show concern for them. My dad said I was like Spock recently. My sister always complains that I won't say I love her. Think my ex-boyfriends were kind of disappointed with my lack of warmth and caring. I mean I cared about them but I wanted nothing to do with their family and friends. I didn't want to be bothered with them and hoped they'd just disappear. And if the boyfriend got sick I did the bare minimum but I'm not going to get all excited over a fever, coughing, stomach pain, or runny nose. Whatever dude, it will go away eventually. I never fake things in order to make others feel better, if you know what I mean.

I'm not good at reading other people's emotions and I have no filter. I know certain things you absolutely can't say but for a lot of other stuff I just spit out whatever comes to mind, other people's feelings be damned!! Probably other people at work cringe when I say things to others. I don't generally sweeten the blow. "you did blah blah wrong. so go fix it!"
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post #8 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-28-2019, 01:48 AM
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Yeah, I'm not very emotive at all. I don't compliment other people much at all or show concern for them. My dad said I was like Spock recently.
Maybe more flattering if someone said you're like Saavik? Ironically, vulcanesque traits are widely regarded as sexy in women, whereas they're just kinda seen as weird in men. (Your dad's opinion on it is not the way most people think). Probably why it isn't really talked about much.

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post #9 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-28-2019, 02:12 AM
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Originally Posted by WillYouStopDave View Post
Maybe more flattering if someone said you're like Saavik? Ironically, vulcanesque traits are widely regarded as sexy in women, whereas they're just kinda seen as weird in men. (Your dad's opinion on it is not the way most people think). Probably why it isn't really talked about much.
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post #10 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-28-2019, 02:30 AM
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Yeah, I'm not very emotive at all. I don't compliment other people much at all or show concern for them. My dad said I was like Spock recently. My sister always complains that I won't say I love her. Think my ex-boyfriends were kind of disappointed with my lack of warmth and caring. I mean I cared about them but I wanted nothing to do with their family and friends. I didn't want to be bothered with them and hoped they'd just disappear. And if the boyfriend got sick I did the bare minimum but I'm not going to get all excited over a fever, coughing, stomach pain, or runny nose. Whatever dude, it will go away eventually. I never fake things in order to make others feel better, if you know what I mean.

I'm not good at reading other people's emotions and I have no filter. I know certain things you absolutely can't say but for a lot of other stuff I just spit out whatever comes to mind, other people's feelings be damned!! Probably other people at work cringe when I say things to others. I don't generally sweeten the blow. "you did blah blah wrong. so go fix it!"
These things alone don't make you autistic though... It's just different from how many women are due to the way they were parented and socialized (which is not biological/genetic. although so is autism according to some psychologists contrary to mainstream point of view).

But yeah, many people get misdiagnosed and maybe these traits could be confused for autism. I think that among those diagnosed with autism there are some people who are just schizoid or have some other disorder/personality. And yeah, some people are not diagnosed at all, especially women cause they mask it due to what's required from them and cause their symptoms are ''atypical'' due to their socialization and things being defined according to men.

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post #11 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-28-2019, 11:57 AM
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Maybe more flattering if someone said you're like Saavik? Ironically, vulcanesque traits are widely regarded as sexy in women, whereas they're just kinda seen as weird in men. (Your dad's opinion on it is not the way most people think). Probably why it isn't really talked about much.
No Spock's pretty hot.

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post #12 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-28-2019, 12:14 PM
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No Spock's pretty hot.
Yeah but that doesn't often translate very well to real life. Sometimes vulcanesque men are really appealing to women but often they definitely aren't. Spock is specifically written to be more appealing that his basic nature would suggest.

I suppose when you think about autistic traits in men, it generally does not come off as in any way appealing. Unless they're really functional and those traits actually become assets in a way.

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post #13 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-28-2019, 12:18 PM
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Yeah but that doesn't often translate very well to real life. Sometimes vulcanesque men are really appealing to women but often they definitely aren't. Spock is specifically written to be more appealing that his basic nature would suggest.
Guess it depends on what trait you're talking about stoicism is usually seen as a more attractive trait in men than in women ime. A lot of guys seem to like bubbly/friendly/warm women.

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I suppose when you think about autistic traits in men, it generally does not come off as in any way appealing. Unless they're really functional and those traits actually become assets in a way.
Autistic guys come off quite differently to Vulcans. I think both autistic men and women seem to come off kind of androgynously (and I have known autistic guys irl.) To some extent this might be better tolerated if you're physically attractive if you're female but I don't think those traits have anything more than niche appeal. Another appeal might be that socially speaking autistic women are functioning at a level similar to neurotypical men (edit: well boys/girls,) where as autistic men function like nobody else. At least according to one study I saw.

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Pelphrey is discovering that girls with autism are indeed different from other girls in how their brain analyzes social information. But they are not like boys with autism. Each girl's brain instead looks like that of a typical boy of the same age, with reduced activity in regions normally associated with socializing. “They're still reduced relative to typically developing girls,” Pelphrey says, but the brain-activity measures they show would not be considered “autistic” in a boy. “Everything we're looking at, brain-wise, now seems to be following that pattern,” he adds. In short, the brain of a girl with autism may be more like the brain of a typical boy than that of a boy with autism.
https://www.scientificamerican.com/a...rent-in-girls/

If you're significantly autistic to the point where people can tell there's something off by your body language and such it's not really seen as appealing.

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post #14 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-28-2019, 12:45 PM
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Guess it depends on what trait you're talking about stoicism is usually seen as a more attractive trait in men than in women ime. A lot of guys seem to like bubbly/friendly/warm women.
Oh, it isn't that guys don't like that. I just think most guys probably thought the female Vulcans were sexy. Even if it seems to be really contrary to what men expect in a woman.

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Autistic guys come off quite differently to Vulcans. I think both autistic men and women seem to come off kind of androgynously.
Interesting observation. Maybe that's got a lot to do with why I find it appealing.

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To some extent this might be better tolerated if you're physically attractive if you're female but I don't think those traits have anything more than niche appeal. Another appeal might be that socially speaking autistic women are functioning at a level similar to neurotypical men where as autistic men function like nobody else. At least according to one study I saw.
Good point.

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If you're significantly autistic to the point where people can tell there's something off by your body language and such it's not really seen as appealing.
Probably not. But lots of things that are not normally thought of as appealing are often still passably appealing when it manifests in a reasonably attractive female (whereas they generally wouldn't be in a male). I'm trying to come up with an example but I can't right now. It's there. Somewhere but I usually can't find examples when I need them.

I think that often men are judged in such a way that any little thing that seems even slightly off is going to be a substantial hit. Just different expectations, I guess. Women can be more than a bit weird and still be socially accepted. Though it depends on her willingness/ability to conceal certain things when necessary.

EDIT- I meant to add that there is a kind of weird zone for men who are super nerdy where other people will overlook their more bizarre behavioral quirks.

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post #15 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-28-2019, 02:17 PM
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Oh, it isn't that guys don't like that. I just think most guys probably thought the female Vulcans were sexy. Even if it seems to be really contrary to what men expect in a woman.



Interesting observation. Maybe that's got a lot to do with why I find it appealing.



Good point.



Probably not. But lots of things that are not normally thought of as appealing are often still passably appealing when it manifests in a reasonably attractive female (whereas they generally wouldn't be in a male). I'm trying to come up with an example but I can't right now. It's there. Somewhere but I usually can't find examples when I need them.

I think that often men are judged in such a way that any little thing that seems even slightly off is going to be a substantial hit. Just different expectations, I guess. Women can be more than a bit weird and still be socially accepted. Though it depends on her willingness/ability to conceal certain things when necessary.

EDIT- I meant to add that there is a kind of weird zone for men who are super nerdy where other people will overlook their more bizarre behavioral quirks.
Yeah I mean it's difficult to compare in general because it depends on the context.

In some ways being a weird guy is more tolerated because there are more weird guys than there are weird girls, so you can probably find some other weird guys in real life in many cases and hang out with them. For girls being able to socialise well is considered very important as is keeping up with trends and appearance related stuff so when you have a disorder that often impacts that (like autism,) you will really struggle. This is also probably why women with autism become more adept at masking as a survival thing. Especially after puberty that's when things get a lot worse. And subcultures for weird people usually skew male, although you can find female skewed ones online at least like fanfiction is mostly a nerdy female thing, and so is the true crime community and.. The Sims community (used to be anyway, on livejournal and modthesims etc,) deviantart, livejournal, and most of the website tumblr really when it comes to younger people, besides the LGBT parts, though there's overlap.

But on the other hand you'll usually face more physical violence if you're a weird guy, and you'll probably be seen as less attractive. If you're a girl you can compensate with physical appearance somewhat. Although as I said, if you have weird body language people will still notice and point it out, as has happened to me a bunch of times.

edit: A really great example of this is April Ludgate/Aubrey Plaza:



Very physically attractive so she gets away with her peculiarities. She was hired for the role of April because she was pretty similar to the character in real life. Though I think in media stuff she comes across less strangely/awkwardly more recently probably due to practice.

Then notice how her friend is treated by Leslie who is sort of a male April but a bit less sociable:


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