Okay this is going to sound dramatic but I am not even exaggerating, this is f***ed up and I'm terrified it's going to happen again and I just want to know what the hell it was. And I'm sorry it's long.
So I'd had a very stressful day because of a friend that stayed over. I went to sleep and suddenly woke up with my hands going tingly and numb, which sort of spread throughout my entire body, and then my mind felt like it was breaking into pieces. I had barely any control of my body, could hardly see, I spilled a glass of water on my bed and god knows what else. My friend was there so I tried to shout his name a bunch to see if it would work, and after a few attempts I could finally hear myself say it (and the friend was just confused). It literally felt like I was being ripped away from my body and consciousness and I was barely holding on. Completely being torn from myself. So kept yelling for help because I had no idea what was happening until I eventually realized I needed to ground myself, and I did this by pushing my hand against my headboard but I couldn't do it myself so I told my friend to press down on my hand as hard as possible to ground myself, which began to kind of work, so I was able to finally lay down, take some deep breaths, and that horrible electric feeling agonizingly
seeped out of my body through the center of my forehead, and it felt cold for days after that (not the temperature of my actual skin, just a cold feeling).
So I called an ambulance, extremely low blood pressure - I even passed out when I stood up, and from what I understand it was difficult to hear my heart - but when I got to the hospital everything was fine. But I was severely dehydrated. I asked what the hell that...thing was from earlier, and they said it was a panic attack. But the thing is, my panic attacks don't happen like that at all. If anything, I was only panicking because of the horrible experience. But, whatever, they said I was fine and I could go home.
Except I ended up in the ER a week later because I felt extremely weak, head was so foggy i could barely think, had lost tons of weight and muscle mass since then, and generally felt very off like I was barely alive. Every time I would try to go to sleep it felt like I could easily die if I let myself become unconscious. So they said I have an under active thyroid. But that explains nothing about what happened in the first place. I didn't take any drugs other than the ones prescribed - one of them is adderall but after that episode I stopped taking it, because I thought it might be the culprit. My psychiatrist says it's not (but I had to stop taking adderall because of the thyroid thing anyway). She doesn't think that had anything to do with my meds. But another thing that happened is that I suddenly feel cut off from every single person in my life. Like I don't relate to anyone, even family, even best friends. Or like, I don't know who I am, even though I technically remember things from my past, even if none of it feels real or connected to me anymore.
I seriously just wish someone knew what it was?? They said it wasn't a seizure, I don't think it was a stroke since I didn't have those symptoms...so could it have been the most random, painful panic attack ever? Some kind of derealization? I am freaked out