What is causing this behavior?
I've noticed this for the last 6 months or so. But on the weekends, I've started going out in the evenings and I'll stop by a few stores and the gym. But the weird thing is, I like to wear things that would make me uncomfortable a few years ago. Like I'll wear a backwards snap back hat and a tank top usually. Now a few years ago you wouldn't have caught me dead in public dressed like that. But now I get this thrill from wearing stuff like that in public. However, I won't let my parents see me leave the house like that. So, I usually wear a regular t-shirt or polo over the tank top and put the snap back cap in my bag where I keep my gym clothes. Then after I leave, I pull off the t-shirt and put on my snap back. And I'll go around Walmart or other places like that while I shop.
Plus I grew a beard this year because I wanted to. But I don't know why I behave this way. Is it rebellion, or just wanting a change in style?
Also I used to always wear t-shirts with sleeves when went to the gym, but now I mostly wear ones I cut the sleeves off of. I just like how I look in them and it feels good. I like to see my chest and arm muscles when I work out. I get nervous sometimes around people when I'm dressed like that. I'm comfortable around my friend because he's seen me around the gym that way, but I'm always afraid I'll see someone I know.
So is this rebellion or narcissism or something. And is it bad?
Underneath the cold November sky, I wait for you... As the pages of my life roll by, I wait for you... I'm so desperate just to see your face, meet me in this broken place...
Be a little brave for a little bit of time.