What if I turn into a serial killer?WARNING: DISTURBING VIOLENT AND ****ED UP CONTENT - Page 14 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #261 of 277 (permalink) Old 08-19-2012, 08:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chantellabella View Post
You said, "I've been feeling quite alright for the last few months, with the exception of some alcohol abuse the last weeks but whatever, at least I've stopped cutting and I'm absolutely sure that I never want to hurt myself again like that.

Also, I've completely abandoned the idea of suicide, I'm not even considering it anymore, I've realised that I want to stick around, just because of all the experiences I will be missing. Actually it has been a long time since I have felt this good and I have no idea where it's coming from, but you know what, that doesn't matter."


I've kinda been around the block and back and I'll tell you a few things. One is that the above behaviors don't solve your problem.

It just sounds like you're running as fast as you can away from your feelings. The problem is no matter where you go, there you are. The same person, same problems, same feelings. Only after an escape move you have a hangover, killed somebody on the road during a psychotic episode, cuts and scars or in jail. And let me tell you about scars. I'm 54 years old and they so don't look pretty when you're my age and your grandkid asks you what they are. And as you get older, they get more pronounced and white so even the person who is taking blood at a blood bank knows that you were a cutter.

So rather than you scar yourself for life or kill yourself or somebody else, maybe think about feeling whatever it is you're running from.

Are you in therapy? It sounds like you need a professional who can help you dip your toes into the feelings very slowly and safely.

For decades I ran from feelings because I thought they would kill me. Just the one or two seconds I allowed myself to feel was so overwhelming I couldn't breathe. But I've since learned that feelings won't kill you, whereas trying not to feel will, i.e. wrapping yourself around a telephone pole in a drunken stupor.

I still struggle with dipping my toes into feelings. I sometimes run away. But I don't cut or drink or think of suicide anymore. The feelings I have taken on are just that..........feelings.

One more thing and I promise I will stop nagging you. The reason feelings from something in our past appear to be so intense is because you are seeing them through a younger self. Some of my traumas took place when I was 5 years old. Think of how a 5 year old would feel in a house fire as opposed to a 20 year old. A 20 year old would be afraid, but would understand to get out and would eventually see that they were safe. A 5 year old has absolutely no control over his/her safety, so the feeling is powerlessness, terror and no way out. Feelings from the past appear to be strong because they are from the point of view (usually) of when you felt powerless and terrorized with no way out. That's why they seem to be able to kill you. But they are just feelings and as an adult, we are able to deal with them better. We just don't think we can.

Sorry for the long explanation. I'm both a trauma survivor and a Licensed Professional Counselor (now a librarian tho
great advice

'Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed.'
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post #262 of 277 (permalink) Old 08-20-2012, 04:23 AM
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it seems that some people don't really care if they might end up in prison
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post #263 of 277 (permalink) Old 08-20-2012, 08:29 PM
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Why don't you get some practice by flying to the U.S.A and offing me first? I don't care if you eat me or not.
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post #264 of 277 (permalink) Old 08-21-2012, 08:07 PM
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A lot of people with SA meet the personality of that of a mass murderer than a serial killer. Serial killers usually blend in with the crowd and people who knew them are shocked to find out what they did. This is not true for mass murderers. I'm violent but wouldn't do anything since 1. I know the consequences and especially 2. I don't want to. I don't want to kill another person. I still have violent thoughts sometimes. I call people names for whatever reason I can find and insult them and sometimes even torture them and I smile about it. I know this might not be normal but it's more like a game for me than something realistic.

I sometimes like to cheer for the bad guy in movies and books. But if they crossed the line and did something I really disgust and hate then I want them to pay for it. This would include killing animals and innocent old people. I can't stand that. Maybe my violent thoughts are part of my abuse. Most likely.
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post #265 of 277 (permalink) Old 08-21-2012, 08:46 PM
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Why don't you get some practice by flying to the U.S.A and offing me first? I don't care if you eat me or not.
Um...what the hell?

I think you need to seek therapy, at the very least. Your thoughts aren't normal, and you need help.



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post #266 of 277 (permalink) Old 08-21-2012, 08:48 PM
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lol I remember this thread
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post #267 of 277 (permalink) Old 02-22-2013, 06:42 PM Thread Starter
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Hello dear people,

I've returned from being absent for a long time from this thread, and there are a few things I'd like to say.

For starters I want to say that if I could delete this thread I would, since it no longer has a purpose. I started it because I was confused and scared and in search of answers that I found thanks to some of you. Understanding the proces behind your thoughts is vital, even moreso when you're not content with them.

Anyway, I consider this a closed thread. Ofcourse practically it isn't and you can still reply and naturally I wouldn't mind that, it's just that the "problem" I was having ( of what nature that problem was you can decide for yourself, so have I, and through it I have solved it ) is now gone.

I thought it would be right to let you guys know how it's revolved. So for those who care, I have realized how this whole thing was the result of anxious thoughts about being insignifficant, ignored, not being seen or valued, which lead to a burning desire of achieving that which I thought I was lacking, a desire that couldn't be fulfilled because the wrong that people had done to me was all in my head. This turned me into an angry, bitter and paranoid misanthropist searching for the ultimate recognition. A potential "solution" was found and that formed the base of an obsession.

The insight to that came a long time ago but for some other reasons I have returned to this forum and I felt like this thread was something unresolved so here I am dealing with that since getting rid of all you witnesses would cost me too much ammuntion

You all have a good day
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post #268 of 277 (permalink) Old 02-22-2013, 06:54 PM
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I'm very glad you dealt with the issues you had been going through. I read the first post OP, and I'll admit it was quite disturbing. And what it made it all the more disturbing is how similar you sound to a lot of people on here (The part where you said you hate yourself but think you're better than other people) I hope you have found some peace of mind though
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post #269 of 277 (permalink) Old 02-22-2013, 08:17 PM
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post #270 of 277 (permalink) Old 02-22-2013, 08:20 PM
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Hello dear people,

I've returned from being absent for a long time from this thread, and there are a few things I'd like to say.

For starters I want to say that if I could delete this thread I would, since it no longer has a purpose. I started it because I was confused and scared and in search of answers that I found thanks to some of you. Understanding the proces behind your thoughts is vital, even moreso when you're not content with them.

Anyway, I consider this a closed thread. Ofcourse practically it isn't and you can still reply and naturally I wouldn't mind that, it's just that the "problem" I was having ( of what nature that problem was you can decide for yourself, so have I, and through it I have solved it ) is now gone.

I thought it would be right to let you guys know how it's revolved. So for those who care, I have realized how this whole thing was the result of anxious thoughts about being insignifficant, ignored, not being seen or valued, which lead to a burning desire of achieving that which I thought I was lacking, a desire that couldn't be fulfilled because the wrong that people had done to me was all in my head. This turned me into an angry, bitter and paranoid misanthropist searching for the ultimate recognition. A potential "solution" was found and that formed the base of an obsession.

The insight to that came a long time ago but for some other reasons I have returned to this forum and I felt like this thread was something unresolved so here I am dealing with that since getting rid of all you witnesses would cost me too much ammuntion

You all have a good day
Cheers
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post #271 of 277 (permalink) Old 02-24-2013, 08:14 PM
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I think you should look for help (Maybe the therapist is going to freak out but..trying is not bad at all) and try to drive your impulses into some kind of artistic activity so you can have better control of them ( play an instrument,etc.)

At least you are concious that those thoughts are kinda creepy so..
maybe you can try eating different animals to see difference on their meat (try eating rabbit or something) instead of thinking about eating human flesh..that's creepy
I hope the best for you, don't turn into a killer and It's gonna be alright (?)

Youíll always care less than I do, love less than I do, feel less than I do, yet, here I am existing like the damn fool Iíve always been for you. Maybe one day Iíll forget you, Iíll be at peace with knowing someone like you is out there.

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post #272 of 277 (permalink) Old 03-01-2013, 02:41 AM
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Sounds like you tend to have sociopathic tendencies. Be careful what you wish for. If these thoughts become a dominating presence, seek help at a hospital that can aid you in getting relief from these suffocating thoughts. Even if you don't act on them, having them will drive you truly insane.
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post #273 of 277 (permalink) Old 03-03-2013, 10:09 AM
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people who have SA bad enough and show it in their behaviors would more likely turn out to be mass murderers, serial killers are better blending in with the crowd, mass murderers are more dangerous if you ask me since something inside them explodes and leads them to killing as many people as they can without worrying about getting caught since many kill themselves after, this is opposite of the serial killer, either one can kill more than the other, I wonder how many killings the average serial killer and mass murderer have to compare them
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post #274 of 277 (permalink) Old 03-03-2013, 10:11 AM
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you can kill me

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post #275 of 277 (permalink) Old 03-03-2013, 10:31 AM
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This is messed up
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post #276 of 277 (permalink) Old 03-03-2013, 10:52 AM
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You seem to be glamourizing killers. But they are a dime a dozen and no one really cares about them once their 15 minutes are up. Nowadays, it's getting so common you may not even get the 15 minutes of pleasure for the penalty of death or a lifetime of jail. Do you actually like anyone?

All you have is your fire,
& the place you need to reach.
Don't you ever tame your demons,
but always keep them on a leash.
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post #277 of 277 (permalink) Old 03-04-2013, 11:19 PM
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Not to be on a negative side but you really seem like you just want attention. That you get satisfaction out of being labled a psychopath. It really comes off like you are just making yourself believe theese things and want to immediatly jump to hey yeah im crazy im gunna be dexter. Idk bout this post. Either troll as hell or just confused child wanting attention.yeah first post and sorry for spelling.
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