What Exactly Is Depression? - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-24-2019, 05:38 PM
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post #22 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-28-2019, 03:49 PM
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Depression is terrible to have. It is way worse than anxiety in my opinion. When you are depressed you truly do not want to live. The worst is when you refrain from killing yourself so as to not make others sad. As a consequence, life at times is nothing more than waiting to die. People wait in line for a movie ticket or a chance to ride something at the carnival. Imagine waiting to die--that is the true, personal, horror, and bleakness of depression.

And wet she rose from the lake, and fast and fleet went she
One half the form of a maiden fair with a jet black mare's body

And loud, long and shrill he blew til his steed was by his side
High overhead the grey hawk flew and swiftly did he ride
Saying "Course well, my brindled hound, and fetch me the jet black mare
Stoop and strike, my good grey hawk, and bring me the maiden fair"
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post #23 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-28-2019, 04:22 PM
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i didn’t ask to be born, and don’t have energy or the charisma to succeed in this competitive game of life. Sure when I was in my early 20s I thought i’d be in a totally diff position im in now. Existentialism if you will.. I have not had 1 single girlfriend only pointless flings which left me feeling worse if anything.. I feel like a relationship or the gym is the only way to avoid complete nihilism for me. I don’t have the strength to go out and put myself out there, it’s so hard for average guys to try without being called a creep or w.e nowadays (especially without a social circle)

It can stem from grief or a physical condition you have.. can’t even do a pushup without experiencing pain due to this chronic conditiion i have through lifting weights, thus eliminating the one healthy hobby I was actually good at, strength training. Forget sports as that makes the inflammation worse.. I can only dose CBD oil and walk at this point. Oh part of my depression also stems from not being able to find a job after interviewing, and not having money to afford my own damn sustainability in life. I think younger people are checking out left and right nowadays, while the boomers are enjoying their early retirements.
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post #24 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-29-2019, 10:34 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks for the posts, everyone. I've had my self imposed rum ration for the day, but still feel motivated to do things, although not things that require a lot of concentration.

Might take a few half tablets of some mild benzos, which I notice a lot of people on this board do take.

These drugs can work either way: put me to sleep, or keep me awake and motivated to accomplish more things, although eventually sleep does result.

In my more "depressed" and unmotivated times, I would not even attempt to go online and communicate with people.

I've mentioned my jogging in my posts, one of the best habits I've had, which relieves the feelings of helplesssness and hopelessness and depression, but re-establishing my jogging habits is difficult, because I'm not sure which is the best time to jog: sunrise, or sunset.

Usually, if I jog at sunrise, I feel "up" but do go back to sleep. Jogging at sunset has some problems too.

And, if you've read my "took a shower today" thread, with the increasing warmth of spring and summer ahead, I've got the problem of my jogging clothes, which I do not think is practical for me to wash clothes seven days a week.

My latest load of laundry, 10 pieces was done last night, and, with discarding more and more of the clothes that are worn out, yellowed, and no longer wearable, I will have more room in my clothes closet for clean, fresh smelling clothes, which will avoid theproblems I've sometimes had with people I've been around complaining about my perspiration odor.

But, where do I keep my jogging outfit, which I think I would only launder once a week?

I do not want anyj of the inevatable, and unavoidable perspiraton odor from the jogging anywhere near the freshly laundered clothes that i must wear to avoid any more pbolems with other people.

I have two closets: one in the entrance hall to my shack and one in the bathroom, which I once had crammed with clothes, but I think that with the moisture from the shower (despite turing on the exhaust to the ceiling fan), along with the fact that the bathroom closet is located right over a cooling vent to an aprtment below it, makes that closet too moist to keep clothesin.

I'm tjinking of putting in a pipe for coat hangers for my jogging clothes in my living room, which will probably be far enough away from the clothes I need to keep completely odor free and fresh smelling.

Two mini bottles of rum have not dulled my thinking, and today I have felt very motivated to do things and solve problems from thetime I woke up at 7:30 AM, monday, yesterday. It' snow 1:34 AM Tuesday morning.

I'm thinking that 1/2 of a benzo will give me some motivation to do some more things before going to sleep, altho sometimes, after a day as busy as today was for me, after I wake up, early in the morning, I want to take a bit more benzo and sleep later into the morning.

Oh, well, I'm not manic now, and I'm not depressed now, but I have to realize that I only have 24 hours a day.

I wish I didn't have to be on a 24 hour day like the rest of the world is. If I weren't, I might could accompolish much more in life than I can being limited by the places I need to go to get done what I need to get done, being on their schedules, which are out of synch with my own ways of doing things.

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post #25 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-29-2019, 11:19 PM
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question appreciated √


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post #26 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-30-2019, 09:40 AM Thread Starter
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Woke up fairly early today, and not sure how to use my time wisely. Motivated to do things.

Spent a lot of time answering emails, but not sure it was the best use of my time.

Need to work on some household repairs most of all.

Need to discuss under arm deterrents, but believe that would be best kept on the Took a Shower today thread.

Can't say that I feel either depressed or manic today.

Want to do some things and accomplish some things, tho.

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