Thanks for the posts, everyone. I've had my self imposed rum ration for the day, but still feel motivated to do things, although not things that require a lot of concentration.
Might take a few half tablets of some mild benzos, which I notice a lot of people on this board do take.
These drugs can work either way: put me to sleep, or keep me awake and motivated to accomplish more things, although eventually sleep does result.
In my more "depressed" and unmotivated times, I would not even attempt to go online and communicate with people.
I've mentioned my jogging in my posts, one of the best habits I've had, which relieves the feelings of helplesssness and hopelessness and depression, but re-establishing my jogging habits is difficult, because I'm not sure which is the best time to jog: sunrise, or sunset.
Usually, if I jog at sunrise, I feel "up" but do go back to sleep. Jogging at sunset has some problems too.
And, if you've read my "took a shower today" thread, with the increasing warmth of spring and summer ahead, I've got the problem of my jogging clothes, which I do not think is practical for me to wash clothes seven days a week.
My latest load of laundry, 10 pieces was done last night, and, with discarding more and more of the clothes that are worn out, yellowed, and no longer wearable, I will have more room in my clothes closet for clean, fresh smelling clothes, which will avoid theproblems I've sometimes had with people I've been around complaining about my perspiration odor.
But, where do I keep my jogging outfit, which I think I would only launder once a week?
I do not want anyj of the inevatable, and unavoidable perspiraton odor from the jogging anywhere near the freshly laundered clothes that i must wear to avoid any more pbolems with other people.
I have two closets: one in the entrance hall to my shack and one in the bathroom, which I once had crammed with clothes, but I think that with the moisture from the shower (despite turing on the exhaust to the ceiling fan), along with the fact that the bathroom closet is located right over a cooling vent to an aprtment below it, makes that closet too moist to keep clothesin.
I'm tjinking of putting in a pipe for coat hangers for my jogging clothes in my living room, which will probably be far enough away from the clothes I need to keep completely odor free and fresh smelling.
Two mini bottles of rum have not dulled my thinking, and today I have felt very motivated to do things and solve problems from thetime I woke up at 7:30 AM, monday, yesterday. It' snow 1:34 AM Tuesday morning.
I'm thinking that 1/2 of a benzo will give me some motivation to do some more things before going to sleep, altho sometimes, after a day as busy as today was for me, after I wake up, early in the morning, I want to take a bit more benzo and sleep later into the morning.
Oh, well, I'm not manic now, and I'm not depressed now, but I have to realize that I only have 24 hours a day.
I wish I didn't have to be on a 24 hour day like the rest of the world is. If I weren't, I might could accompolish much more in life than I can being limited by the places I need to go to get done what I need to get done, being on their schedules, which are out of synch with my own ways of doing things.
Once An SA, Always an SA