What age did you first feel depressed? - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-13-2019, 02:18 AM
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Originally Posted by ShadowOne View Post
personally, i was lucky on the family-front of life and had a good childhood. I was just shy till highschool, then the shyness turned to anxiety in high school, and all of that didnt pile up unhealthily till college. I'm simplifying some stuff a bit, but i'm just generalizing things. I'm sure if you asked high school me at some point i'd be "my parents SUCK!"...but yea..i just sucked lol
For me, I always thought that I had a good childhood. I mean I wasn't molested or beaten terribly or anything like that. But looking back, my mother did some pretty rotten things to me and I didn't really have many friends. Although I didn't try too hard on that front after the first few years of school and having my attempts at getting to know people blow up in my face and/or backfire and have them turn on me.

I didn't really realize how generally unhappy I was even as a young child until fairly recently when I started writing stuff down (mostly on this forum) and remembering things I had kind of forgotten about. It probably didn't do much good for my state of mind to ruminate in that fashion but it did sort of help me see the world as it truly is more. Unfortunately, that's not totally awesome either, since it's worse than I thought it was.

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post #22 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-13-2019, 03:12 AM
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I think it was probably around 4th grade, as I remember time to time I will feel very unmotivated to do anything and anything I usually enjoy doing or looking forward to do on a typical day, I have no urge to do them at all or think about them. I remember I just want to hide in various hidden place at home where I will be less likely to have to interact with people. Often I will just hide in this walk-in closet my sister had in her room where I will just sit there, close the closet doors in pure darkness where I will just relax there for hours on end and do nothing. Almost each time, they come on randomly with no triggers, no worries or problems going on. It was strange. At the time, I didn't know why. My sister often times will caught me and she will just leave me be. My mom however, eventually she caught me a few times doing this and she will berate me for wasting time and being unproductive and force me to come out to help her with chores. Which usually will make me feel much worse. Although nowadays, I probably don't have that luxury of being able to just sit there and space out any time I feel depressed. And now though, it is usually from something that triggers me.


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post #23 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-13-2019, 05:29 AM
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The hardest depressions were in my 20s. They were more for existential reasons and hopelessness.
Before then there were ups and downs. Stuff going on around me that i didn't like but i kinda managed to get used to it. I tried to not take things too seriously to compensate. With social problems you are obviously not going to feel contented as you might be otherwise given the stresses brought about by innocuous situations.
In the last ten years I've had periods of great stress but i wouldn't classify it as depression. Depression to me is completely giving up and not being able to carry out any daily activities.
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post #24 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-13-2019, 06:18 AM
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Probably around 15- I was in an unhealthy relationship with a bit of a sociopath who liked to knock my confidence and have power over me so I was very isolated and withdrawn from other people.
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post #25 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-13-2019, 07:02 AM
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either elementary or middle school, can't really remember anymore
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post #26 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-13-2019, 08:57 AM
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It happened maybe two or three years ago, when i was 14 years old.
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post #27 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-13-2019, 01:31 PM
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About 14, in middle school.
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post #28 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-13-2019, 01:47 PM
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4 or 5 following having an ugly bout of the measles and a 106 fever.

...you gotta keep the goal in mind, develop tunnel vision to a certain extent. it's hard, and it's not for everyone.

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post #29 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-13-2019, 05:50 PM
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I felt anxious and avoidant from the age of 4, but real depression didn't set in until I thought my parents were going to get divorced and I started being bullied by a narc when I was nearly 13.
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post #30 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-13-2019, 06:23 PM
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After I was sexually assaulted when I was 16.
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post #31 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-13-2019, 06:44 PM
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Around age 15/16; arguably as early as 12 or 13 because of some behaviors I displayed (if I am to be open about it - suicidal ideation). But at sixteen I know it became predominant after some events (losses, mainly) that made everything feel like a total haze. Of course, had it shrugged off as teen angst when it showed that I didn't care about school work and at some points had so many absences.
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post #32 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-16-2019, 05:43 PM
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I can't remember exactly.

With that being said... I was a pretty normal Kindergartner. I cried a lot in class, especially when in trouble, which most of the kids seemed to think was a little odd. But it didn't really effect me much at that age especially cos I moved schools after that. But it was in 1st grade that the other kids started to realize I was different and that's when I started to be ostracized. By third grade I was saying to my teacher "I want to disappear" or "I want to run away" so that might have been the first time.

However, by 7th and especially 8th grade, I'd begun being apathetic about my schoolwork when I used to always get Honor Roll. All through the rest of middle school and high school my grades kept slipping and nobody cared to ask if I was dealing with anything. I ended up graduating with a 2.1 GPA and am lucky to have ended up at a college where I've got a counselor and supportive, open-minded profs. My family has some... complicated views about mental illness, especially in regards to getting it treated, so this is the first time in my life I've ever actually gotten help. I'm 22 now and turning 23 this September.
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post #33 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-16-2019, 10:23 PM
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post #34 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-17-2019, 10:49 PM
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I was 12, almost 13, when my parents split up and acted like children about it. They just stopped being parents and I had to become very independent. If anything, I became the parent. And I still kind of am in a lot of ways, which is really saying something, because my life is an absolute sh**show. I try not to hold it against them because they are both addicts and severely mentally ill, but it's obvious to see how much my sibling and I got screwed over by the years of neglect.

I have bipolar disorder too, which means the depression keeps coming back, every time a little bit (or a lot) worse than the last time. Not to sound dramatic, but I'm genuinely shocked that I've made it this far.

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post #35 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-17-2019, 11:12 PM
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7yrs old when my grandma died. I became an emo

always
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post #36 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-18-2019, 12:02 AM
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Probably the end of 2nd grade when we moved. I never did fit in after that -- and had a really hard time making friends. Partly because I became bitter and jaded pretty fast; I've always hated this place since the first time I set foot here. It was mild compared to what came later but I'd say I was definitely depressed at that point.

"Reason is not automatic. Those who deny it cannot be conquered by it." -Ayn Rand
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post #37 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-18-2019, 03:22 PM
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It was around 12 or 13, when I realized that everything is just molecules in different configurations.
My dep is pretty mild, but it's actually quite crushing since it's always in the background and I just learned to live with it.

But what the heck, I can barely differentiate between my anxiety and my depression and my whatnow.
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post #38 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-18-2019, 05:47 PM
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I first noticed my depression when I was in high school. I probably had depression for longer than that but I know I always didn't feel extremely happy when I was at home. I tried telling my mother at the time that I had depression and what she tells me is, "You love being miserable. You're fine." Not exact words but that was the gist. I finally got into therapy when I was 25 when I got away from my mother. I've been in therapy and trying to be ok for a long time. My mother was very controlling and emotionally abusive. I at one point, wanted to die. I still struggle with urges to self harm sometimes when things get really bad. I basically had to cut ties with my parents because they were toxic and not good people and didn't support me during life.

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post #39 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-18-2019, 07:08 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tetragammon View Post
Probably the end of 2nd grade when we moved. I never did fit in after that -- and had a really hard time making friends. Partly because I became bitter and jaded pretty fast; I've always hated this place since the first time I set foot here. It was mild compared to what came later but I'd say I was definitely depressed at that point.

Similar situation here. Moved in 4th grade to my current town, the kids were very harsh. It felt like a Lord of the Flies situation, being on my own at school, having to deal with endless criticism. I got made fun of for not having friends, but when I pointed out I had friends before the kids told me to go back to where I came from. Things just made me hostile to everyone and asocial so that mentality stuck through the years. Never could do anything right in their eyes.

"It's a gift to exist, and with existence comes suffering. There's no escaping that."
Stephen Colbert
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post #40 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-18-2019, 10:35 PM
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Probably 11, had been in the hospital for a year because I had encephalitis and meningitis. Had effected a lot of my ability to communicate, socialize, and preform well in school. Very lonely and frustrating in my life when I felt socially inept and stupid--had to go through a lot of cognitive/physical therapy stuff. I struggled so much with communicating that I basically stopped trying to talk with people and developed a lot of the anxiety issues I have now. I stopped enjoying life. Stopped liking people. I became very self conscious of it all and felt insecure, and all those feelings of ineptness and the difficulty communicating never quite left me. Became a world never slowed down even though I couldn't keep up kind of thing. Would be a hermit if not for a few friends still kinda around and my family, though I don't think many people think I'm worth their time, these days.

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