Weird OCD? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-08-2009, 04:49 AM Thread Starter
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Weird OCD?


So OCD is basically 'rituals' right? Like washing your hands repeatedly or opening and closing your door three times or something random like that? Well I'm guessing that's what pretty much anyone would think when they think of someone with OCD... but mine is really odd and I don't know if people do the same things I do...

I can't really remember how it started, but I guess it was around the time I got depressed some years ago now. I started doing things like getting up a number of times and checking if my bedroom door was shut properly. There was no reason for it needing to be shut, I just liked to know that it was, otherwise I would feel annoyed. But even when I was about 99.99% sure the door was shut right, I'd still get this feeling nagging at me to get up and check. I still do that now. I'll be sitting on the computer when suddenly I'll wonder 'did it close properly?' Then I'll get up, pull on the doorknob and then sit back down again. No one knows I do this. My sister knows I'm weird about having my door shut properly but I don't think she realises it really is OCD.

For ages I've also had another really weird one. I'll be doing whatever on the computer when I'll suddenly wonder what date a certain document was modified, so I'll go check it. Then I'll wonder something else-- like how many megabytes it is, or if it's a video file, how long it goes for. I might have gone back to whatever I was doing at this point, but the thought of checking the size/duration/ect of the file won't leave me alone until I check. But then when I do check, I'll keep thinking of things like that... like I'll wonder how many files are in my documents and how many megabytes it adds up to. Then crazier still, I'll check and see if they are even or uneven numbers. I'll think right, number of documents= uneven number, megabytes= even number. Then I'll want to check other folders and see what they are (at this point I might've decided to ignore this nagging feeling and gone back to what I was doing but sometimes I'll waste so much time just doing this crap).

I also have this weird thing lately where I'll have to get up and check if say, my bedside table is closer to the wall on one side (and it is. The right side is closer and I feel better knowing that for some reason ).

It's crazy though, because sometimes I'll sabotage my own brief happiness by checking these little things. Last night I was trying to watch a DVD in peace but I had to keep getting up and checking if my door was shut, and checking how close things are to the wall. The show I was watching went for about 42 minutes but I think with all my mucking about I would've taken at least an hour to get through it.

To be honest with you, I've never really talked about this before, or even written it down somewhere like this. It seems normal to me at the time but reading back on this now... it sounds like I'm really crazy. Can anyone relate to any of this stuff or am I just a total wacko?
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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-09-2009, 09:39 AM
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Just about everyone has some sort of strange compulsions that they feel the need to follow up on. However, I don't think it's actually a disorder unless it directly impacts your life and ability to function in a pretty severe way.
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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-09-2009, 11:10 PM
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I can relate a bit i used to have bad ocd like you but i recovered on my own by forcing myself to stop acting on the compulsions.

I used to have to touch certain blinds in my house 8 times there was something about the number 8. I would also check doors, locks, open and close doors etc. And in relation to you when i made my bed i had to have my bed covers pulled up higher up to the right side and certain objects like utensils had to be pointing to the right. Maybe there is a relation between ocd and things on the right LOL.

Fortunately i dont deal with much OCD anymore but i have full blown sa and depression.

Only advice i can give you is dont act on the compulsions and as you do it more and more you will realize there are no consequences by not doing the ritual. This is what i did, it took lots of work but i eventually stopped.

Hope this can help you.
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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-10-2009, 05:15 AM Thread Starter
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Only advice i can give you is dont act on the compulsions and as you do it more and more you will realize there are no consequences by not doing the ritual.
Yeah, that's what I've been trying lately. It seems easy in theory; just don't do it. And while it should be really easy, I've still been getting up and checking things. I think I've been doing it considerably less though so maybe if I keep it up I can stop doing this on my own.
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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-10-2009, 10:55 PM
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I have somethings like that, but never full OCD. Its all in your mind, its not the actual door that's the problem its something else, I think we start to act out this way because we want some kind of security or perfection or something else that's more psychological, actually knowing what that is, or why we feel like doing these things would be the cure for it, assuming the underlying problem is addressed.

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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-11-2009, 12:07 AM
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Only advice i can give you is dont act on the compulsions and as you do it more and more you will realize there are no consequences by not doing the ritual. This is what i did, it took lots of work but i eventually stopped.
The only problem with this is that, with real OCD, by not acting on the compulsions, the obsessions provoke increasingly more anxiety until you pretty much feel like you have no other choice. It can be a very difficult cycle to break without getting some sort of help.

I've been told by a psychiatrist that I exhibit a lot of OCD tendencies (without any obvious compulsions), but that it is in all likelihood an extension of severe generalized anxiety disorder, and it's no secret that the two are often confused.
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-11-2009, 03:02 AM
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It seems easy for people to tell people with OCD not to overdo these habits. But just like social anxiety it's actually not easy to do. My friend with OCD tend to go cleaning something that's already guaranteed to be clean (for me anyway) because of the recurring thoughts that those things still are dirty, when they are already clean. They can't make the thoughts go away, just like SA when we can't make the SA thoughts go away as easily as we hope it to be.

I'd like to think that in the end, it will be worthwhile.

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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-15-2009, 01:41 AM
 
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You are far from crazy and believe it or not what you have would be considered mild.

There are times I have made myself late for work because of the need to repeat a ritual. I can't really tell you what those rituals are because if I did you would really think I was nuts. I'll give you a small example though.

Because of my SA I have managed to internalize a lot of my rituals. Many of them contain a phrase I repeat in my head and either a series of blinks or clenching of jaw muscles, or something like that. Often I will be holding an object, say taking a plate into the kitchen to be thrown away, and something will set off the ritual. I will be running the phrase over and over in my head as I walk into the kitchen and throw away the plate. If I put the plate in the trash in mid phrase I will actually reach out and touch the plate as I finish the phrase. Sometimes it ends there, but other times I stand there with a finger outstretched and touching the plate repeating the phrase in my head until I am comfortable stopping.

It can be any object that I do it with. I tend to pick up and put down my toothbrush a lot.

I find it very hard to leave the house. I have to check things repeatedly, I have to say goodbye to someone (typically the dog). I say "See you later Merlin, be good." I do this over and over, as I gather things and make my way to the door, I say it again as I go to close the door. If I forget something or want to check on something (and I usually do) I come back and say it to him again. If he's not in the living room I say "See you later, Merlin, Wherever you are. Be good."

Trying to fall asleep is the worst. I have a picture of my cat on my cell phone (she's staying with a friend right now.) I look at the picture before I go to sleep and say to my cat "Night sweetie, I love you and miss you." After I say it I'll close my eyes and realize I have to say it again. I'll say it about ten times and try to sleep again but as I start to drift off I get anxious and my eyes pop open again and I say it again. It takes me a while to fall asleep.

Even with all this I'm nowhere near as bad as my brother. Most people have no idea that I deal with this because my SA wins out over doing a ritual that might be seen. My brother, however, is on disability for severe OCD. Sometimes he will be doing something and will get stuck on a ritual and you cannot talk to him or touch him until he gets over it.

So you're definitely not alone and you aren't crazy. If you are at all able to fight the compulsions do so. As was said before, the less you give into them the better off you will be. It seems the more I do them the worse I get.
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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-15-2009, 04:19 AM
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I understand how time consuming OCD can be because I deal with it myself. I am always late to work, everyday! I am not going to tell any of you how late I usually am, but itís LATE. The only way I can make up for being late is by busting my a** and working really hard to prove that I can still get the job done and done well. By the end of the day, I am so exhausted, I crawl into bed and I pass out, only to wake up to another day of this.

I am not going to tell you guys all of my rituals, but here are some of them: I have a fear of germs, and yes, I wash my hands a whole lot. I have to apply lotion to them several times a day to keep up with the dryness. I get especially anxious when I am screwing lids back onto certain things and bottles. I have to always recheck and make sure that the lid is very secure, but not too tight, and I loosen and tighten it 4 or more times until I am happy enough to put it down. When I wash my car, I can't just do a quick wash for 5 minutes, rinse, dry and call that it like everyone else. I have to do a better job than that. I have to wash it, run a clay bar over it, and then wax it. This usually takes a whole weekend for me to do! But I only do it a few times a year. The last time I did this was on over Labor Day weekend last September, and just the waxing and detailing took 8 hours! I know that no detailing shop will ever do as good of a job as I do. What really sucked was that two days later I got into an accident and the car was totaled. No words can describe how I felt then. My arms were still hurting from all of the damn waxing!

I find that I have less and less free time these days. Oh, and yeah, let's not forget the SA and the depression that goes with it. It's a wonderful life isn't it. I know that I should see a physiatrist about all of this; I just can't get around to it.

All I can say is that my life is pretty plain,
I like watching the puddles gather rain.
And all I can do is just pour some tea for two,
And speak my point of view,
But it's not sane, it's not sane.

- Blind Melon
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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-15-2009, 11:24 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vulgar View Post
Just about everyone has some sort of strange compulsions that they feel the need to follow up on. However, I don't think it's actually a disorder unless it directly impacts your life and ability to function in a pretty severe way.
I agree; it's not a disorder unless it has a great damaging impact on you or those around you.

I have a very hard time relaxing unless everything in the house is clean and orderly, but I work at letting this 'obsession' go as far as I can so I can enjoy myself and family.

"Don't worry. You're just as sane as I am."
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post #11 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-16-2009, 09:49 AM
 
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Sounds like OCD type of thing. I do some little pointless weird things to (like turning caps lock on/off for no reason) and it's not 'totally wacko' or anything, just bit odd
OCD i think is catagorized as an anxiety disorder, like SAD is. People with ocd mayby get anxiety when things arn't 'right' (the door not shut properly).
In a simpler way, perhaps it's just like habits, I bite my nails all the time but it dosen't neccesarily mean I'm nervous, I'm just too used to biting them.
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