So OCD is basically 'rituals' right? Like washing your hands repeatedly or opening and closing your door three times or something random like that? Well I'm guessing that's what pretty much anyone would think when they think of someone with OCD... but mine is really odd and I don't know if people do the same things I do...
I can't really remember how it started, but I guess it was around the time I got depressed some years ago now. I started doing things like getting up a number of times and checking if my bedroom door was shut properly. There was no reason for it needing to be shut, I just liked to know that it was, otherwise I would feel annoyed. But even when I was about 99.99% sure the door was shut right, I'd still
get this feeling nagging at me to get up and check. I still do that now. I'll be sitting on the computer when suddenly I'll wonder 'did it close properly?' Then I'll get up, pull on the doorknob and then sit back down again. No one knows I do this. My sister knows I'm weird about having my door shut properly but I don't think she realises it really is OCD.
For ages I've also had another really weird one. I'll be doing whatever on the computer when I'll suddenly wonder what date a certain document was modified, so I'll go check it. Then I'll wonder something else-- like how many megabytes it is, or if it's a video file, how long it goes for. I might have gone back to whatever I was doing at this point, but the thought of checking the size/duration/ect of the file won't leave me alone until I check. But then when I do
check, I'll keep thinking of things like that... like I'll wonder how many files are in my documents and how many megabytes it adds up to. Then crazier still, I'll check and see if they are even or uneven numbers. I'll think right, number of documents= uneven number, megabytes= even number. Then I'll want to check other folders and see what they
are (at this point I might've decided to ignore this nagging feeling and gone back to what I was doing but sometimes I'll waste so much time just doing this crap).
I also have this weird thing lately where I'll have to get up and check if say, my bedside table is closer to the wall on one side (and it is. The right side is closer and I feel better knowing that for some reason
It's crazy though, because sometimes I'll sabotage my own brief happiness by checking these little things. Last night I was trying to watch a DVD in peace but I had to keep getting up and checking if my door was shut, and checking how close things are to the wall. The show I was watching went for about 42 minutes but I think with all my mucking about I would've taken at least an hour to get through it.
To be honest with you, I've never really talked about this before, or even written it down somewhere like this. It seems normal to me at the time but reading back on this now... it sounds like I'm really crazy. Can anyone relate to any of this stuff or am I just a total wacko?