Weird Family Issues

Over these Christmas/New Years holidays at first it was okay but lately me and the family end up arguing and maybe because this house is my little world it has made me feel quite desperate, there were even moments I felt like cutting myself or doing something outrageous but it's not worth it.

Also, sometimes when you're cooped up with the family your relationship dynamic changes, you have to start being considerate and in the past now and then it gets very awkward, like once I kept looking at my dad cos I wanted to ask him something but he was busy and I think he assumed something else so that was awkward, then another time I was cleaning the house and wondering if this must mean I like my dad cos I'm cleaning it the way he always does.

You get the idea, right? Please tell me there has been awkward moments in your family too...

Anyway the dynamic has changed between me and my mum today, we had an argument this morning and then settled it and began helping each other make sandwiches for Harry and carry his toys out to the car, she's set off now with my dad and Harry and I asked her to pick me some stuff up, I don't know why it's become awkward-but it has.

I wish I had a boyfriend so people wouldn't get me wrong or when we go from fighting to being utterly pleasant I wish the change in relating didn't alter the dynamics in a weird way. This must be what happens when you reach maturation but still live at home.

I can imagine how it must feel.

I mean, if my dad was to compliment me on something, or help me with some maths homework for example - I can imagine how awkward talking to him later on would become. Mainly because I'm really not used to such behaviour from him.

What I don't get is, how come bringing a boyfriend/girlfriend into this would make any difference?...

I don't really understand. Are you saying you are afraid that your family members will think you are sexually attracted to your father?

That seems like something that shouldn't be an issue for most families unless there is more to the story I don't know.