Waiting for the world to end
The days I find to be far, far too long.
I await the end of the world, and I was thinking I didn't care what happens to this planet and everyone else, but I realize I want it to end for me and for people to continue.
It's my friend's b-day, and I was looking at her gifts on the counter with cards from friends and kids and other people, and I felt a sense of happiness, belonging and love all there. That's wonderful. (I didn't dig deep into her cards, because I shouldn't be looking at her **** in the first place. I understand.)
I placed my little gift bag for her on the counter in front of those other little things. She's off with her fiance at her family's for b-day celebration, and I'm home by myself. Oh, she's my roommate, too.
I felt too insignificant to give her her gift from myself in person. She can find it when she gets home and I'm hopefully asleep. It's just a couple albums and a magnet of cuteness.
****, I think I hear a car in the driveway...
Anyway, I was also listening to my bandmate's other recordings and demos and the songs are so humanistic and beautiful. He's such talent and I hope he goes far. My contribution to our current live gigs is quite miniscule in relation to what he's capable of. His songs have gotten even better since his babies were born in November(?). Why am I part of something that is so beautiful when I'm such an ugly person?
****, she is home. ****, she's opening my gift.
I have to go.
blessed are they who bash your children's heads against a (punk) rock