The loss of my brother ~trigger warning~ - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-30-2019, 10:29 AM Thread Starter
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The loss of my brother ~trigger warning~

I know this is very hard to take it but I found out on the 27th of this month that my brother committed suicide. He's been dealing with severe depression for a very long time and couldn't deal with the pain anymore. My older brother was very funny and made everyone laugh. I have so many found memories of him. He took me to my first Deftones concert when I was just in the 7th grade. I admired him and I wanted to play the guitar because of him. Because of his death, I feel like I'm in a dream state and I keep feeling as if I will hear from him again. Please anyone who's dealing with this kind of thing, please talk to somebody and reach out. I'm absolutely devastated by this. My mother has been bawling for days now and my brother isn't speaking to anyone. It's affecting my entire family. I wish my brother could have gotten the help he needed but he didn't want to burden anyone. This is why I haven't been around lately. I will try to check the Forum to write back to people, but if you want to chat with me, I'll be on Skype. I just didn't want any of my friends on here to think I'm avoiding them. For a very long time I've been depressed myself and haven't been reaching out to people as much. Now I'd like to try to reach out more and communicate better with others. I wish I could write more to this, but all I keep thinking about is my brother and just hoping he will come back.... but I know that won't ever happen. I never would have thought he would have done this.

"Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it." ~Tori Amos
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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-30-2019, 01:43 PM
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Sorry for your loss, Samantha.

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I really had bad days I felt like am alone but it was once worse. I think am making progress and finding my smile back.
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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-30-2019, 03:21 PM
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Our bodies a prison or a paradise, not much can be said or done now, I guess only try to focus on that he's free... R.I.P your bro

And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-30-2019, 04:11 PM
Gone and not returning.
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Sorry to hear your loss, sounds like he was a great guy.
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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-30-2019, 07:41 PM
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I am so sorry for your loss. Grief occurs in different ways with different circumstances. No two instances of grief are alike. Take as much time as you need. You are likely still in shock so it will feel like you are disconnected, too.

I lost my father to a heart attack (it was sudden - he left for work in the morning and never came home) toward the end of January 2007. I was on autopilot until about two weeks before his birthday (mid-March) when I looked through my baby pictures. That's when it finally hit me that he was gone.

You are a success story waiting to happen!
Live and let live VACUUMS more than a Hoover....
Live and HELP live is better!


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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-30-2019, 07:49 PM
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As a suicide loss survivor, I'm sadly familiar with your pain.

You will heal...I assure you.

Until then, there's nothing to rationalize other than your brother made the only choice he felt he could and that's a hard thing to accept.
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-31-2019, 12:02 AM
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Very sorry to hear. All the best to you and your family.
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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-31-2019, 04:05 AM
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R.I.P to your great brother.
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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-31-2019, 10:55 PM
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What was he so depressed about?
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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-01-2019, 01:40 AM
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mine gone, 1997, melanoma.

i felt solid matter, organs in tummy, square, bedside. 30 year senior
the kindest person who would appreciate and assist me as ever. same career type.

his death, first known, let me easily accept all friends' & parents' loss later. all funerals.

view of humankind: a threat, everyone. their purpose is only to ensure i suffer. i get nothing. not allowed anything. born satan? all negative. many aspects as asterisk... any hate default, spreading that worldwide. one micron reason to hate... making me the target of hate. a 2nd person hates because the 1st did
infinite time, any place, any look

nothing positive ever. roots of all. one tiniest thing wrong makes every judgement grows like cancer. atomic fusion bomb. human mind base. all shared instantly. all =. no human tolerated different from anyone else. flesh mountain. one cell this planet. human=human. UH! again. more

1 birth only per family. mathematically resolved. no need kill a sibling. just
no other child. distill the mass. one each! actually limit more! limit per country! or region. onlyroyal family? no peasants allowed create human flesh! neuter all.
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post #11 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-01-2019, 02:49 AM
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i'm so sorry Sam.
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