So how do you get out of depression? - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-12-2019, 06:30 PM
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I concentrate on the issue around my environment that is reoccurring and learn from the way its directed at me to make me feel uncomfortable in my environment.

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post #22 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-13-2019, 04:31 AM
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Just stop being stuck. I was forced to change things due to my circumstances. I'd literally die if I didn't. Like it was pretty bad (as in near starvation bad), and I was at the bottom of the pit.

I don't know what it is that is making you depressed, but I guess it doesn't really matter. You need a change in every sense of that word, just like I did. I think that's true for anyone that suffers from depression.


It will be a year soon since I've gotten a job and that's when things started improving. Of course, there were ups and downs, but how I've felt was ALWAYS better than how I've felt when I was jobless and just wasting away here on these forums.

Here's a little comparison


Me from a year ago: Anxiety to even go outside of the apartment, strong phone anxiety, scared to ask questions, not trusting anyone (very much focused on bad in people), giving quick yes/no answers in order to avoid longer conversations with people, pathetically low self-esteem, No energy to do anything that I want to do, and of course, depressed.


Me these days: Went to a public pool with hundreds of people there and I've enjoyed it very much yesterday, Taking fencing training in 5 days from now (It's free for a couple of weeks, and then you can join the club, which I probably will), Job's going well (on a 2 weeks vacation now), and I have the energy to do things that I want to do and learn new things that I've always wanted to learn, I can call numbers and ask about things over the phone without any feeling of anxiety (phone anxiety was a huge problem for me, stemming from low self-esteem and not liking the sound of my own voice, so overcoming this was a huge victory for me).



There's of course still things that are a problem, but I'm working on it and improving every day. Talking with people obviously being the hardest thing for me. I'm doing a lot better than before, but it's still not on a level that I want it to be.

So anyway tl;dr, here's my suggestion for you

I know you said you've tried working out, but keep at it. Also eat healthy and get sunlight. And this shouldn't feel like a chore. It might at the beginning, just like every new habit that you're trying to add to your life, but just stick with it. You might want to use "HabitBull" app, it helped me develop some good habits that I wanted to.

I would also recommend you read The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden. (I honestly think every single person on this planet should read this book)

Remove negative people from your life, especially if you have those that speak out openly on how they don't think that you can achieve something that you want to achieve. Your vision of the future for yourself is very important, so don't let anyone smear it for you.

In case you don't have a vision (dream), you need to define it for yourself, because you need something to drive you. Don't expect to walk this earth aimlessly and stay happy.

One sort of mantra, well, I'm using it as a mantra, but it's really something that you need to start believing. It's that "No matter what you say or do (socially), you will be fine". It's easier said than done, of course. But think about it, and sort of internalize it over time.

On your path to self-improvement, you'll probably have ups and downs. Say you start working on yourself and in two months something happens and you fall a bit, at that point just try to stop and then ask yourself "Alright, I'm feeling REALLY bad right now, BUT am I feeling better or worse than I did 2 months ago when I started this?". This has stopped my depression from resurfacing countless times.

If you don't cut corners and actually work on yourself for 2 months, it's highly unlikely that you won't be in a better position than where you were before you started. So when these little falls happen, and you ask yourself this question, it will sort of stabilize you and keep you going.

And just to be clear, I'm not saying that you have some of these issues that I've had and still have (some of them). What I'm trying to say is that change is important in order to deal with depression. At least in my experience.
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post #23 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-13-2019, 05:01 AM
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I went through some true rock bottom type experiences that changed my perspective. Then started working hard to improve myself and my life.
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post #24 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-13-2019, 09:57 AM
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Depression is definitely a mindset that fuels the low feeling. It's a pattern of thinking. Sometimes, it takes medication to get things jumpstarted, but it's about finding something positive and focusing on it....it's been mentioned in this thread.

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post #25 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-13-2019, 10:02 AM
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A near death experience pulled me right out of it, but I can't really suggest that as a methof of therapy.


Previously I'd dip in and out of it and can't explain why at some periods I'd be happier.
Is there anything short of a near death experience that you think would work? What did the near death experience teach you? I wonder if there is anyway to duplicate the effect without nearly dying?
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post #26 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-13-2019, 03:00 PM
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post #27 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-13-2019, 09:24 PM
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Is there anything short of a near death experience that you think would work? What did the near death experience teach you? I wonder if there is anyway to duplicate the effect without nearly dying?
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post #28 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-14-2019, 10:14 AM
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Is there anything short of a near death experience that you think would work? What did the near death experience teach you? I wonder if there is anyway to duplicate the effect without nearly dying?
It put everything into perspective for me, simply being alive gives me a chance at anything, when you have something you take for granted taken away from you, you start to appreciate everything more. Just waking up and seeing the sun was amazing, drinking coffee, going for a walk despite having nothing else - no job, friends or prospects no longer bothered me.
Obviously the high of having your life back doesn't last forever, but the appreciation for everything still lasts, I don't compare myself to others so much anymore and therefore don't feel worthless or depressed.


I don't know how you could simulate this feeling exactly but I would imagine being sent to boot camp would have the same effect. I read a story a while ago that there were these military style disciplinary camps that parents send their spoiled out of control kids to, their beliefs and world views get rattled so hard they come back as angels who appreciate simple things like comfort and not suffering.
That being said, I don't know how a depressed person who react to being in a survival environment, I'm not suggesting it but just thinking of an idea with similar concepts!
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post #29 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-14-2019, 01:20 PM
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All of these ideas are great, but I'll add one as well.



I try to find successes in the little things.



You made your bed this morning? Give yourself a pat on the back.
You made yourself some toast? Excellent, congratulate yourself.

You made it through traffic and all the way to work? Great job. Give yourself a hug.
You made it through the day and back home? Super, treat yourself to something you enjoy.


It sounds silly written out like that, but you've just got to find the joy in life, no matter how minute it may be. That works for me anyway. I hope it can help you too.

"You're going to fail a lot. Sometimes you'll fail over and over again, but you have to keep trying every time. You can't give up just because there is a chance that you might fail." - Dante Basco
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post #30 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-14-2019, 01:54 PM
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I feel also Depression can be unique to the individual feeling it. For example Depression seems like a really broad term. Every depressed person has their own situation why they are depressed. Maybe another person can share some of the same reasons. But we are all different including our circumstances. One person may have had a loss. Another may be in financial difficulty. Maybe someone just has really low self esteem or can't seem to get out of a cycle of thinking or confusion. Each requiring a different approach. Depression seems to be just a general form of pain and whenever there is pain you need to respond to it. What does the pain say? What is it trying to communicate to me? Pain always communicates something. It's a healthy signal of the human essence. It give us some awareness or motivates us towards some change. Changing my attitude towards the feeling of depression and seeing it as a gift to motivate me to change really helped me.



It's really good to start with what's in your heart, list your problems, confusions and questions or whatever and go through them. For me it was a combination of what was going on inside and actions to make changes or respond to these issues in the best way possible. Heaps of support, education helped. It also helps to get serious about it and take an organized approach. Even the action of writing down what's going on inside to process it feels like you are making progress because you are. And progress feels great. You will feel like you are doing something about the depression instead of letting it persist. That feels exciting. You may feel better immediately because you are gaining momentum (things are changing).



It also helps not to let negativity creep in. Whatever form it is in. Choices, bad company, music etc. I know it seems like oh yeah that won't do anything but it is actually extremely helpful. Invite positive things into your life.



Time, patience with the pain and positive action are your friends with depression.
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post #31 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-14-2019, 05:42 PM
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Therapy, a better diet, more self-esteem, better coping mechanisms, less time sedentary (even after exercise). It's really not a simple process. The meds don't work for everyone and were really iffy for me back when I tried.
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post #32 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-17-2019, 12:48 AM
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I stayed single by sheer force of my mediocre looks, personality, and overwhelming shyness for nearly 30 years. I've been in a relationship for about 3-years and I'm already feeling depressed again. I don't know what to tell you, but that my peer groups have always been as rickety as the ones you've just described. I don't think most social groups are meant to last. They seem to deteriorate, and not necessarily for bad reasons. People move away, change jobs, get engaged, and variables just change. Don't take it personally, and do what anybody does who wants to meet new people and get out there however inevitably awkward that process is always bound to be. Good luck. Life sucks, but I dunno- just keep plugging along and you'll be dead soon. Hooray!
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post #33 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-17-2019, 10:44 PM
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I feel like this is a common thing. I feel like we live in a day and age where it's hard to really find people to truly bond with, whether you have social anxiety or not. SA kind of makes things even more complicated. Like you long for friends, yet there is this huge fear. I, too, feel alone, especially when I'm at church. There's like this strange sense of sadness. I probably say this a lot, but you're not alone here. I often read other people's thoughts, and I can relate to them. It's so easy to compare yourself to others too. I hope that you feel better soon.
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post #34 of 42 (permalink) Old 05-22-2020, 03:09 AM
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I know exactly how you feel with the loss of friendships and problems with depression throughout the years.

Iíve been working from home since 2017 and, even though I am engaged and we have a son, I get lonely due to lack of friendship outside the home. What Iíve been taking, and please forgive me if someone has mentioned this already, is vitamin d3 daily. Because of my surgery, I have to take it but Iíve noticed its other tremendous benefits as well (like warding off depression). I take 10k units daily but you should talk with your doctor first to see how you can implement this vitamin into your diet. Iíve heard of people getting off their antidepressants by gradually increasing the dosage of this vitamin every week (I.e. 1-2k units daily for week 1, 5k units daily for week 2, etc.).


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post #35 of 42 (permalink) Old 05-22-2020, 07:38 AM
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hey have you ever heard about mental health clubs....i think theyre great places to go to meet nice understanding, humble people.....i a member of one and think theyre greta places to meet folk and possibly develop friendships.....mental health clubs are places where mentally ill folk (yes that includes social anxiety sufferers) can go toparticipate in craetive writing, art, yoga, group therpay to name but a few activities or else just drop in for a coffee and a chat......as i said these places are good to go to.....if you think social anxiety does not qualify you enough for membership, just say you have depression as well

also there are social anxiety support groups (self help) out there, i found out abou tthem on www.meetup.com just google it
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post #36 of 42 (permalink) Old 05-22-2020, 01:07 PM
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post #37 of 42 (permalink) Old 05-22-2020, 05:21 PM
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^---I've been on...wait gotta check ..k I'm back 75 mg of Effexor XR daily and it's been the only one that works (*edit* works with my brain chemisty). Being on a crew of super supportive people also helps but I've been on so many antidepressants throughout the the years to find one that works is a game changer. It takes a bit to kick in but when it works it works. There is a downside though and that is when you don't take it for 2 or 3 days you'll feel "off." I don't know how else to explain the feeling.

Having said that I've read that tapering off them is a pain in the cunning linguals!
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post #38 of 42 (permalink) Old 05-22-2020, 06:31 PM
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Well there is one way.

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post #39 of 42 (permalink) Old 05-23-2020, 08:09 PM
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Well there is one way.
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And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
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It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
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post #40 of 42 (permalink) Old 05-24-2020, 10:10 AM
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I think, if it's a "real" depression, you will almost be incapable of taking any initiative! You need good help from someone and possibly initially some meds to see the light at the end of the tunnel again!

Unfortunately the word "depression" seems to be increasingly used when feeling down or like crap.
Like "flu" for any cold or flu-like infection.

To overcome a depressive-like phase I found it extremely helpful to take a longer break from the hamster wheel of life. Doing everything at my own speed again. Concentrating on nice things, that makes one feel good.

I personally find nature extremely healing, too! Going for walks, even if you have to drag yourself outside! Feeling the elements and becoming part of nature is great for grounding yourself and getting a clear head!

I also found surrounding myself with positive, active and motivated people that simply accepted my presence and didn't demand or expect anything of me very uplifting and motivating. Although, at the beginning I tend to find them annoying!

But things often do take time with up and downs!
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