Sleeping with married men - Social Anxiety Forum
Reply
 
Thread Tools
post #1 of 34 (permalink) Old 05-18-2013, 09:40 AM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 17

Sleeping with married men


I suffer from SA and always have. Also had selective mutism as a child. I am a very quiet person and sweet in public. But I have a wild side.

I am having some online affairs with married men. I have also slept with one and I want to have an affair too.

I don't want to really date someone and don't even know how to date. I live with my parents anyway and I have to hide everything I do.

I have many sides to me. I have also worked as a webcam model.

I feel like I live with secrets all the time. I feel like I am always being looked at and have no privacy. When I pull into the driveway I feel like my parents are staring at me out the window and if I am carrying bags I have to hide them so they can't see what I am carrying. I only go to stores when I am already out somewhere so I don't have to walk by them and leave. then I will have to tell them where I am going.

I am only happy when I am alone and they are far far away out of town or if I am out of town.

I am so depressed I can't even move out or get another job. because of SA I feel I am not qualified for any job.
kellygirl is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 34 (permalink) Old 05-18-2013, 09:41 AM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 17
I am in my 40's and have kids also.
kellygirl is offline  
post #3 of 34 (permalink) Old 05-18-2013, 10:46 AM
SAS Member
 
millenniumman75's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Dayton, OH
Gender: Male
Age: 44
Posts: 152,736
My Mood: Angelic
Quote:
Originally Posted by kellygirl View Post
I suffer from SA and always have. Also had selective mutism as a child. I am a very quiet person and sweet in public. But I have a wild side.

I am having some online affairs with married men. I have also slept with one and I want to have an affair too.

I don't want to really date someone and don't even know how to date. I live with my parents anyway and I have to hide everything I do.

I have many sides to me. I have also worked as a webcam model.

I feel like I live with secrets all the time. I feel like I am always being looked at and have no privacy. When I pull into the driveway I feel like my parents are staring at me out the window and if I am carrying bags I have to hide them so they can't see what I am carrying. I only go to stores when I am already out somewhere so I don't have to walk by them and leave. then I will have to tell them where I am going.

I am only happy when I am alone and they are far far away out of town or if I am out of town.

I am so depressed I can't even move out or get another job. because of SA I feel I am not qualified for any job.
There is a lot going on here - there is a reason why all of that is going on, though. Why would you have affairs with married men?

millenniumman75
You are a success story waiting to happen!
Live and let live VACUUMS more than a Hoover....
Live and HELP live is better!

TROLL ALERT STATUS:
CHAT -> BERT

FORUMS -> ERNIE
(troll activity on the increase)

WATCH WHAT YOU TYPE!
millenniumman75 is offline  
 
post #4 of 34 (permalink) Old 05-18-2013, 10:51 AM
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: May 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 217
Are you married too? Just curious. I don't see it as a huge deal, but then again, I'm not the most religious person in the world. If you're not married, you probably just need a relationship or something. I don't know what to say if you are though. You might want to look into divorce or better yet consoling to help your issues, but I don't think you should tell him about that one time. That could make things worse.
I Punt Puppies is offline  
post #5 of 34 (permalink) Old 05-18-2013, 10:57 AM
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: William Blake's "green and pleasant land"
Gender: Male
Age: 37
Posts: 4,020
I've never slept with a married man.
Zack is offline  
post #6 of 34 (permalink) Old 05-18-2013, 12:44 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 17
No I am not married anymore. I hardly ever had sex when married and my husband treated me like crap, so I got rid of him.

Most of my sexual relationships in my life are one nighters or sleeping with attached men. It just started out that way and continued. I don't know how to "date?
kellygirl is offline  
post #7 of 34 (permalink) Old 05-18-2013, 01:33 PM
SAS Member
 
millenniumman75's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Dayton, OH
Gender: Male
Age: 44
Posts: 152,736
My Mood: Angelic
Quote:
Originally Posted by kellygirl View Post
No I am not married anymore. I hardly ever had sex when married and my husband treated me like crap, so I got rid of him.

Most of my sexual relationships in my life are one nighters or sleeping with attached men. It just started out that way and continued. I don't know how to "date?
That's probably an area that needs to be developed. Sex is not always love.

millenniumman75
You are a success story waiting to happen!
Live and let live VACUUMS more than a Hoover....
Live and HELP live is better!

TROLL ALERT STATUS:
CHAT -> BERT

FORUMS -> ERNIE
(troll activity on the increase)

WATCH WHAT YOU TYPE!
millenniumman75 is offline  
post #8 of 34 (permalink) Old 05-18-2013, 01:47 PM
SAS Member
 
Implicate's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 1,133
At 40 something years old living with your parents you don't have a lot of room to complain about a lack of privacy.

Too legit to quit.
Implicate is offline  
post #9 of 34 (permalink) Old 05-18-2013, 03:43 PM
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,130
You're not being a great role model for your kids. Do you think about the wives of those men you sleep with? Their kids?
I suppose all of this is your parents fault as well?
Take responsibility for your actions and seek therapy, cause you certainly need it.
SilentWitness is offline  
post #10 of 34 (permalink) Old 05-18-2013, 04:02 PM
SAS Member
 
mezzoforte's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: California
Gender: Female
Posts: 9,050
My Mood: Blah
There's nothing wrong with being promiscuous, but why can't you have sex with a man who's single? It's not enjoyable for you?
mezzoforte is offline  
post #11 of 34 (permalink) Old 05-18-2013, 07:45 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 17
Here we go again. getting bashed for writing about my life. I wrote this story trying to see if there is anyone else out there that has problems like this, people who have social anxiety and do crazy things like this. But of course not!

I know what I am doing is wrong.
kellygirl is offline  
post #12 of 34 (permalink) Old 05-18-2013, 08:14 PM
SAS Member
 
komorikun's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Language: 英語と日本語
Gender: Female
Posts: 27,413
where do you find these guys? a special site for married men?
komorikun is offline  
post #13 of 34 (permalink) Old 05-18-2013, 08:53 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 355
My Mood: Mellow
............ ...









ok, so seriously i think everyone is being a bit hard on you. that "home wrecker" comment is funny. it takes 2 to play ball.
apparently the members here have too many of their own issues to address yours with an opened mind.

fantasy is better than reality.
duckie is offline  
post #14 of 34 (permalink) Old 05-19-2013, 11:47 AM
Sleep in Sanity
 
RoseWhiteRoseRed's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Memphis
Gender: Female
Age: 26
Posts: 540
Quote:
Originally Posted by komorikun View Post
where do you find these guys? a special site for married men?
ikr, why all have to be married O.o

Disconnect and disassociate yourself from everything and everyone you know, just let go.
Go, don't look back, and see where it takes you.
After a year has passed, you might feel good enough to come home.
Or, there's the excitement that may leave and just stay, never come home again.
Either way, you'll be glad you did.

RoseWhiteRoseRed is offline  
post #15 of 34 (permalink) Old 05-19-2013, 12:49 PM
Recovery/"Over it"
 
Donnie in the Dark's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Yorkshire/Lancashire
Gender: Male
Age: 26
Posts: 3,391
Quote:
Originally Posted by duckie View Post
............ ...





ok, so seriously i think everyone is being a bit hard on you. that "home wrecker" comment is funny. it takes 2 to play ball.
apparently the members here have too many of their own issues to address yours with an opened mind.
I agree with this- if the men are willing to have an affair, and actively seeking it, then surely they have wrecked their own home?

"People are tantalizingly close physically, and yet spiritually, mentally, morally- they manage to remain infinitely remote from each other" Zygmunt Bauman

- "You know the only thing that has made the whole thing worthwhile has been those few times that I was able to truly connect with another person."
- "I had a hunch you might be a real romantic."
Donnie in the Dark is offline  
post #16 of 34 (permalink) Old 05-19-2013, 01:33 PM
SAS Member
 
The Enclave's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 513
Are some of you just taking your frustrations on the OP or what? Somehow I thought this was a support site.

And like someone else said, it takes two to tango, and she's not forcing anyone to have sex with her, those men or choosing to do it too, so that home wreaker comment was completely out of line and not supportive at all.

If you're going to bust someone's chops, at least follow it up with good advice.
The Enclave is offline  
post #17 of 34 (permalink) Old 05-19-2013, 01:49 PM
SAS Member
 
Devina's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Gender: Female
Age: 33
Posts: 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by RoseWhiteRoseRed View Post
ikr, why all have to be married O.o
A married man is unavailable in a way, and therefor save. He's good for sex, but there won't be anything more than that, because obviously he's married.

I am not saying I agree that it's a good idea to sleep with married men, but honestly, those men are equally to blame at least, probably more, because they are the ones breaking their vows, not the OP.
Devina is offline  
post #18 of 34 (permalink) Old 05-19-2013, 02:02 PM
not well at all
 
chiron's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 185
Thanks for the thoughtful message The Enclave. I am completely incapable of relating to, or connecting with, kellygirl. So I cannot even begin to assume other people are capable of the things I'm not. Sometimes we should seek out support in other environments, because certain topics are not going to be appropriate even in supportive forums. Reading these messages from both her, and other posters make me feel pretty upset to be honest. Between the cheating thing, the webmodel job, and the messages of mistreating the daughter, I can only think about my own experiences with role reversal and trying to play the role of the parent. And that's unfair to kellygirl for taking her struggles personally.

kellygirl - what do you want?

I mean that in a non-judgmental way and out of concern. You've never stated what you want here in this thread, and it's going to turn into a debate on morals, whether or not this is cheating, and there's going to be a lot of mean replies directed at you. Everyone is going to be non-supportive until you clearly, and plainly state what kind of support your looking for. With that said, I will not support anyone in their poor decisions.

We cannot diagnose you. You should not seek out a diagnosis from the internet anyways, and nobody should ever neglect possibility of professional aid. Do you need some resources to help you? The APA, Psych Central, Psychology Today, and NAMI are all websites which discuss how to select a therapist, what to expect out of therapy, and what options you might have if finances are an issue. Exactly with this forum; you need to plainly state what your concerns are with a professional:
Hi. My name is kellygirl and I want help with:
This____
This____
And___
_


I will not reinforce you in your poor, unhealthy, and risky behaviors. With that said all dialog between us ends here. I have nothing positive to say to you and that's unfair to everyone. You deserve better than that, kellygirl. I hope you consider my message all the same.
chiron is offline  
post #19 of 34 (permalink) Old 05-19-2013, 02:13 PM
is getting over herself
 
leonardess's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Pants
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,022
Hey there, OP.

I doubt you're reading these anymore, but I will give you my opinion on your situation. I will bear in mind that I may be completely mistaken:

you, my dear, feel extremely bad about yourself. You have never learned to have healthy relationships with anyone, not even yourself.

the excitement and "high" that most people get from doing things they actually enjoy, from connecting in a genuine, caring, mutually supportive way with others, you get from indulging in attention seeking behaviors that you find satisfying because they give you positive strokes for your fragile self esteem.

the married men are there because they are low risk - they are already attached, so you don't have to reveal much of yourself and what you know you lack. you don't have to put in the work to maintain a good relationship. not only do you not know how to do that or what a good relationship is, trying to find out, up to this point, has just been too much for you. It's much safer and easier to just have sex with someone who is not a quality match. it makes you feel good, while at the same time saving you from having to look at your own inadequacies, to work on the things about you that you know are your own failings.

you owe your parents because it sounds to me like they are supporting you in several ways, and I suspect one of them is monetarily. you feel guilt because of this, and are building up resentment toward them because you do owe them, but you know you *should* be able to stand on your own two feet, but you *think* you are powerless to do so.

I say this only because I have been there, and I'm pretty sure you are in the same boat i was not too long ago.

You have children. Whether you see it this way or not, you chose to have them. Like it or not, you owe them everything. it is not something you can do over. Whether you feel suited to be a parent or not at this point, you are one. Like I said, you owe them everything.

you are doing nothing to address any of these problems. the married men are also a distraction from this fact - that you are doing nothing to change your life.

start doing something to change your life, and you will be far less troubled and far happier.

Live Cage Free!!!! or, at least be wild caught.
SnowFlakesFire:

You can rebuild your self-esteem. Rebuild it into a way that others cannot destroy it anymore.
leonardess is offline  
post #20 of 34 (permalink) Old 05-19-2013, 02:40 PM
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: May 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 217
Quote:
Originally Posted by kellygirl View Post
No I am not married anymore. I hardly ever had sex when married and my husband treated me like crap, so I got rid of him.

Most of my sexual relationships in my life are one nighters or sleeping with attached men. It just started out that way and continued. I don't know how to "date?
Dating is just doing something fun with someone you want to get to know better like watching a movie or dining or something, it's no big deal. You can easily jump back in. Most guys feel the pressure to entertain and set up the date anyway.

Anyhow, I say step away from the married men thing if it bothers you; just quit cold turkey, and look for a single man to have a relationship with, possibly online. You'll probably get a much more fulfilling relationship than you do out of the one nighters and everything. I think that's what you're searching for in those guys, but it's impossible to get it from them because they already have a family. Having a boyfriend of your own could make all the difference. That's my take on it
I Punt Puppies is offline  
Reply

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Why do married men go on dating sites? G girl Coping With Social Anxiety 20 09-18-2012 04:03 PM
To married men (or anyone). alte 30+ Members 13 02-09-2012 01:12 PM
Married Men Talgonite LGBTQ+ 26 01-07-2012 04:55 AM
Married Men who Cheat -Take 2!! RubyTuesday Voting Booth 18 10-30-2008 05:17 AM

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome