Originally Posted by SorryForMyEnglish
As for me, what I discovered yesterday was definitely a revelation about myself. It may sound farce, but it's so true and I feel both, more depressive (because I despirately thought I could be(come) normal) and more emotionally calm (because it's evident that I'm not the only one with it and that it has a name and also something I'll write about below...).
It is definitely pathological in my case because I have those social and emotional withdrawals and I've being dreaming unconsciously since my early childhood (starting from kindergarden, I think) and it made me counter-productive throughout my whole life. I wasn't good at school and dropped out the university I was too abmitious to attend and I'm currently unemployed. I could always sense the amount of time I was engaging myself in was pathological and that other people/kids definidely didn't do such a weird thing. And the dreaming itself wasn't about ''pies in the skies'' or, you know, ''ponies and rainbows''. It has always been about people, socially-related things (regardless of how unusual/unrealistic they are) and that was a substitude for those things in real life.
The positive part of it is that I read a chapter about it that was written in a rarely unbiased way... I found it reading Wiki SPD article references. There was a google books link in it. It was a book by Nancy McWilliams. She literally described my whole life and personality in that chapter and she might be the only who didn't make me feel so ****ty about myself and crazy (except for a few people I recently met on the internet, so this may only be a question of time). What unusual about it is that she writes about schizoid personality in general, whether it's about high-functioning, more adapted individuals with this personality or more troubled ones (like me
). And she critisizes bias in psychological field. She described everything that would make a therapy to be ideal for me, just like I has always been thinking about it on my own.
Also I read her most recent article about this subject: http://internationalpsychoanalysis.n...d_dynamics.pdf
Those who know they're schizoid or the ones who suspect it, you should definitely read this article! I'd also hope there would be people who'd read it just to be more able to understand us, but I know there are zero people who are interested in understanding us with empathy to the point where they would read this article from beginning to the end.
Thank you for the article, it is highly descriptive and accurate. I realize how much nonsense it is for me to make this comment considering the circumstances but if you'd like some one to talk to I definitely won't be judgmental. I'm actually very interested in communicating with another person that has extremely similar problems as me, it feels nice for a change.
I'm still working my way through the article but early on I noted this.
Another possible reason for associating the schizoid with the pathological is that many schizoid individuals feel an affinity for people with psychotic disorders. One colleague of mine, self-described as schizoid, prefers working with psychotically disturbed individuals to treating “healthy neurotics,” because he experiences neurotically troubled people as “dishonest” (i.e.,defensive), whereas he perceives psychotic ones as engaged in a fully authentic struggle with their demons
Page 3 paragraph 2.
I experienced this reaction from my counselors and psychiatrist which is why they were often very eager to work with me on medication and treatment. When I spoke at length to my own devised coping mechanisms and how I keep my sanity in check along with how I attempt to form healthy relationships. I expressed frustration about some thing and she stopped me saying "Yes, it's because you're desperately trying to heal.".... I Should see her again some day but it feels highly uncomfortable for me to see her again in the most paranoid and typical of schizoid ways. I should know better by now.
In continuation of the reading,
Consider further the significance of the term “us.” Schizoid people recognize each other. They feel like members of what one reclusive friend of mine called “a community of the solitary.” Like homosexually oriented people with “gaydar,” many schizoid individuals can spot each other in a crowd. I have heard them describe a sense of deep and compassionate kinship. with one another, despite the fact that these relatively isolative people rarely verbalize such kinship or approach each other for explicit recognition.
page 6 and 7
It made me chuckle to myself after having posted this.
A gathering point for other schizoids I've found on SAS is this thread http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/...-grit-1106866/
our interactions seem to outline much of McWilliams observation.
It reminds me of the interactions I have with an elderly man at work. The day I met him I knew he was like me, later I found out that he had lived as a hermit for many years. I believe he is very much schizoid and deep into this pattern of thinking. We've never spoken on the topic, we aren't particularly close or communicate a lot. He sees me for what I am too, I know he does because I am one of the few people he confides how he feels in. He will talk to me about the way nursing staff behaves with him, how he's treated differently because of his schizoid disorder. I nod to him and much of the communication is in a non-verbal style because I've made it clear to him I'm unable to divulge information. I've made little comments to this man about some behaviors that aren't acceptable or will get him into trouble and he picked up on it immediately. He's crazy frankly, but our insanity talks to each other. By non-verbal I mean I say things that hint at what I'm actually trying to communicate because I can't speak to him confidentially. He picks up on it, and he talks to me the same way.