First off there might be possible triggers in this post...
I had a rough childhood.. I have abandonment issues from my mother leaving me, I was abused sexually and emotionally/verbally, I was bullied, etc. I had a very hard time coping. I self-harmed, engaged in reckless behaviors. I formed relationships with older men when I was a teen because I wanted a father figure. I know it sounds wrong but I really wanted a replacement father who would take care of me and be there for me. Even today I date older men and have issues with relationships. Especially sexually because I didnt really get over the sexual abuse. Im in my 20s now by the way.
I never really got help for my problems, I just tried to cope with it on my own. Recently I went to a pyschiatrist where i was diagnosed with social and generalized anxiety and major depressive disorder.
I have this problem where I don't really want to grow up/ can't seem to grow up, or if I'm experiencing stress/anxiety I tend to revert back to childhood behaviors.
For examples. I don't really know how to dress like an adult. I don't drive. I can't seem to handle adult responsibilities. I have a hard time regulating my emotions. I fantasize/ day dream too much. I'm impulsive.
Recently I fell into a period of intense depression where I started to really revert back to childhood. I started watching "kid" movies, coloring, and even bought stuffed animals. This is quite out of character for me but I couldn't seem to stop myself from doing these things, even though I felt embarassed and thought that it was weird for me. (Im not saying that its wrong to do any of these things as an adult... its just the fact that it was out of character, episodic and I couldnt seem to stop myself).
I found this article today https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...ts-being-adult
It was really helpful and really described this problem. The more I read into it the more I realized that my refusal to grow up is actually doing me a lot more harm than good. I really need to grow up if I want to be able to have more healthy relationships and be more self-sufficient. I am tired of feeling like a child in a relationship.
Has anyone else here experienced this sort of thing? I am going to take steps to fix this, and discuss it with my counsellor, but I also wanted to see if anyone here has some input.