Regressing Back To An Infantile State - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-22-2019, 11:50 AM Thread Starter
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Regressing Back To An Infantile State

This might be a long rant:

I’ve been under a lot of work related stress lately. My output has slipped a bit in the past two weeks and I have been called for it ( in a passive aggressive sort of way) ... basically,I am at fault for failing to follow up with key people in various projects...

I know that it is my job ,but interacting with others takes a lot of effort for me. It is also very difficult for me to differentiate between assertion and aggression . So naturally, I perceive most interactions as being negative as opposed to people stating their point of view and needs.

A couple of days ago in the middle of this turmoil I found myself watching Sesame Street on my phone.

That’s right! I was watching ****ing Sesame Street at 29 in my cubby ( more like an open office these days). Sesame Street. Sesaaame Streeet! I don’t know how I got there nor do I know how I would have reacted if someone had seen me.

Worst of all I was actually enjoying it...Upon arriving home I got into an Ebay toy buying frenzy while trying to recapture my 90’s childhood...the only time when I was happy or felt safe.

What am I going to do with all those motorized board games and toys? Some of them are clearly meant for infants....

Today I found ditching porridge for Cocoa Puffs for breakfast while watching Hello Kitty Furry Tail Theater.

I’ve also developed a bit of an oral fixation as in chewing on pens, pencils, staplers, cards, and whatever is on my office desk.

Is this going to get worse? Or am I experiencing a temporal manic state?

"Existence well what does it matter?
I exist on the best terms I can
The past is now part of my future,
The present is well out of hand"

― Ian Curtis
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-22-2019, 12:43 PM
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This sounds like some personality disorder stuff. Getting stressed so perceiving things negatively or incorrectly, and returning to a child like state. I'm seeing personality disorders everywhere now though. It's driving me up the wall tbh, and everyone else I keep talking to about PD's. I almost certainly have AvPD myself as well and can be a big baby, but don't regress back to a childhood state and start watching transformers and ****. Lucky Charms for life though, breakfast, lunch or dinner lol
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-22-2019, 02:49 PM
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Sometimes I get that way too when I miss being young. I watch cartoons, suck my thumb, and wear hello kitty pajamas and like to be treated like a child. Idk what’s wrong with me

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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-22-2019, 04:07 PM
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Oops I went to far back & I disappeared 😞

And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-22-2019, 04:54 PM
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Originally Posted by blue2 View Post
Oops I went to far back & I disappeared 😞
Much more peaceful back then lol
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-22-2019, 06:13 PM
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If you don't deal with the stress, or find an alternate coping mechanism I assume you'll continue to regress as a coping mechanism.

Have you been diagnosed with autism or anything?

It doesn't really matter though, if you're not neurotypical in anyway (whether it's autism or something else, and since you're here and having read your other posts - you're not) and you're masking that constantly day to day it's going to lead to further psychological problems eventually.

The wretched world we’re living in at present was not an unlucky war of fate; it was an economic and political decision made without consulting the enormous human population that it would most drastically affect. If we would have it otherwise, if we’d prefer a future that we can call home, then we must stop supporting — even passively — this ravenous, insatiable conservative agenda before it devours us with our kids as a dessert. - Alan Moore

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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-22-2019, 10:28 PM
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I'm not sure if I'm the same but I do get achingly nostalgic when the world around me isn't making sense. It seems like we all try to return to places that make us feel safe, whether that is a psychological place or something that puts us back to that sense of safety. I wouldn't beat yourself up about it. Maybe take some time to get proper rest and a break from your stressful situation? It can be very hard to just "will" yourself out of a state, but do know you can go back to normal. Hell, I have memories about being 14 years old and I keep thinking, damn that was a long *** time ago...why do they pop up again and again? It surely must be something. I'm finding a gin and tonic to be helpful right now honestly.
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-24-2019, 01:08 AM
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Back in my teenage years in the 90s I was a dedicated graffiti writer. I suppose it was my way of rebelling and hitting back at a world that I felt had rejected me.

A couple of court appearances meant I had to step back from it. Having the police banging on the door at 7am with a search warrant wasn't much fun, and my parents weren't exactly over the moon about it, either.

Painting legally never did much for me and I eventually lost interest and gave it up.

In the past few years, though, I've immersed myself in it again. It's an escape from normal life, which I find can get tedious.

I started off with legal graffiti, but have moved on to, shall we say, non-legal stuff.

The problem is I'm now in my mid-40s with a wife, two kids and a mortgage. Not really compatible with night-time spraying missions that come with the risk of arrest. The risk is what gets me off, though.

I don't know what suddenly led me back to doing it again. Maybe it was the stereotypical midlife crisis.

I recall it hit me that this is it, this is life, nothing is going to change very much, so I'm going to find my enjoyment where I can.

I'll have to quit it soon. My luck can't last forever. But it's addictive. The more I do, the more I want to do.

I justify it by saying to myself "you only live once", but the reality is this could really **** up my life 😞
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