I apologize in advance for the crazy text overload!
First timer around here- seems like a friendly community- I'll give this a shot :')
I've joked about this to friends before, but I've never met anybody who is experiencing it on the same level- nor do internet searches bring up anything at all. Most searches refers to Iconophobia, but that pertains more to the 'fear' of images, or religious/iconic images- which is not the issue I'm having.
I've been told it's my creative brain at work (which sort of makes sense? I've always been an artist- maybe my brain is confused?). Though it is a pain in the butt to live with.
Bathrooms- when I walk into one (usually a friends house or a restaurant) and there are photos of people/magazines in there. My heart sinks- I go into awkward mode and have to like, breathe. I act nonchalant, like "Just have to pee, I definitely know I'm alone in here!" It's like I do it convince the images in the room that I'm not bothered by them. I went into one restroom at this food joint and the ENTIRE room was a collage of newspaper clippings and stuff- I freaked OUUUUT. I always like, pull my pants down as fast as I can and try to get my shirt to cover as much as I can- and then- well, the rest of the job- I just try to be a ninja. "The pictures, they are totally watching me squat, and they can hear EVERYTHING OH MAN." It's just awful.
I have to take magazines OUT of the room. Dude, even with the cover flipped over, no face showing- I know there are pictures inside too- and they can still hear me.
I've noticed that it's really just character and celebrity images that affect me. When you take live action characters- it's the worst possible combination. THE WORST. Which sucks, I'ma huuuuge movie/entertainment fan- I adore tons of characters- quite frustrating. Walking into a movie theater- all the posters...*shiver* As much as I truly enjoy them, I'm so uncomfortable, oh my goodness. Video Rental stores/anywhere with aisles of movies are baaaad- in my head I'm thinking- "Am I walking weird?? What should I do with my mouth- open or closed?? THEY ARE ALL STARING." I'm hyper aware of myself, and I'm screaming on the inside, lol.
Everywhere I go there is something- I get caught off guard like CRAZY. Went to the grocery store and there was a huge freaking print of Bilbo Baggins in electronics section- and I felt like...an idiot. LOL. Pushing my cart. "Gotta get away from this thingggg...."
Like, no joke- JUST TODAY- I finally had to take down my Hobbit calendar that was in my office and shove it in the attic (I didn't even get to the end of the year! Fail). I bought it 1) The Hobbit is amazing, obviously. 2) subconsciously thought I could use it to desensitize myself. Now, ok, I have the hots for Bilbo Baggins- say what you want- that guy is adorable- but it's AWFUL when that thing is on my wall, just staring at me. So weird. I"ll be talking to people and I KNOW that calendar can hear every single word I say. Now, technically, I know that's bull- but my paranoia beats out my realistic views any ol' day, unfortunately (constant battle).
As far as my bedroom is concerned- I've learned to keep EVERYTHING out of there. I had some Avengers cards IN A DRAWER- and I knew, dammit- I knew all of them could hear me sniffle, fart in my sleep, snore- what have you. It affected my sleep significantly- and taking everything out of my room with images like that on them out- REALLY HELPED. I feel at peace, and I can act naturally.
I seriously act weird, talk different- I'm insanely aware of everything I'm doing- when there are pictures in the room.
You know when you have a crush on somebody? You tend to act differently, in case they see you/hear you? Even if you're trying to get their attention- It's JUST like that. Even when it's a picture of like...I don't know. Katniss from Hunger Games on the TV Guide book- she's a badass- but man, she stares... I just act weird around it...OH GOD HARRY POTTER STUFF IS BAD TOO. I love HP, but man, every character- I just can't, lol. Too intense.
Now- okay, it's not just any photo of somebody- I do get a sense of "they can see me...!" when I look at them, but it's not nearly that bad. Especially models on things (generic smiling family in the store adds, whatever, no biggie)- basically if I don't know who they are, It doesn't seem to bother me.
Sometimes I'll be in my car, singing loud and terribly- having a good ol' time- and then I'll realize something is in the car (magazine or whatever) and I'll go totally flush with embarrassment. I just FREEZE up.
Even the computer! OH It's dumb- I can't Google actors I like- because the wall of images appear and there's like 40 of them looking at you. Again- I go into nonchalant/freak out mode- "Act natural girl..." and I find myself doing weird crap in those situations. Even if you minimize the window- it's still there! Listening :I
I've had this problem since I was a kid- and it has just persisted into my adult years (doesn't help that I'm a giant child)- I will just assume it's sticking around.
I'm just SO stinkin' curious if it's something others deal with? Why does nobody ever talk about it?? Maybe people are too shy to bring it up- but it's more funny than anything- albeit insanely frustrating...I just really want to know WHAT it is and who else deals with it!