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post #1 of 45 (permalink) Old 08-28-2020, 01:18 PM Thread Starter
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ocd/intrusive thoughts


Anyone else here suffer from ocd/intrusive thoughts?

Mine has been really bad lately, to the point where I feel like jumping through a window to make it stop lol. :c Just really awful thoughts that I don't want and they won't go away no matter what I do.

So much is triggering it when I try to keep away.

see, i'm real...if you want me to be.
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post #2 of 45 (permalink) Old 08-28-2020, 02:14 PM
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Anyone else here suffer from ocd/intrusive thoughts?

Mine has been really bad lately, to the point where I feel like jumping through a window to make it stop lol. :c Just really awful thoughts that I don't want and they won't go away no matter what I do.

So much is triggering it when I try to keep away.

I know this feeling. And honestly i deal with it by giving it attention and then rationalizing it. Trying to bury it deep down only makes it worse:/... for instance if i felt like i didnt put my car in park or something. Id allow the thought to come forward but then id instantly say, but if i didnt put my car in park id feel it move, or my keys wouldn’t have came out the ignition. Or my car wouldnt have beeped when i locked it with the remote. Therefore my car is parked and i know I’m alright.


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post #3 of 45 (permalink) Old 08-29-2020, 12:39 AM
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yea i do about hurting other people , going places on my own , i cant do that at all my partner has to come with me everywhere
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post #4 of 45 (permalink) Old 08-29-2020, 09:05 AM
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I've been having this thing where for the past few months, I keep thinking about going over a balcony. I know the room because I've stayed in it before and when I lie down at night sometimes I just keep thinking about it. Over and over and it won't stop, like I have to grip the bed sometimes just to remind myself I'm safe. I can feel it and I can see it. Whenever I stay at hotels, I struggle to be on the balcony and it's not because of the height, I just keep getting this urge to go over.

So come rain on my parade
'Cause I want to feel it
Come shove me over the edge
'Cause my head is in overdrive
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post #5 of 45 (permalink) Old 08-29-2020, 01:29 PM
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The important thing to understand is...

Everyone has intrusive thoughts. Often about ****ed up ****. You just don't see it, because they don't talk about it. It's absolutely 100% normal. Intrusive thoughts are literally how our brains function. They have nothing to do with responsibility.

What people without OCD don't have, is the (either genetic, or environmental, or both) predisposition to be particularly bothered by the thoughts.

ERP (CBT) is the best treatment, try to get this (I am currently trying for to access). But until then, or failing that:

1. Don't make it worse. Don't fight the thoughts, you can't. Don't perform actions to make you more safe (it will make things worse).
2. Accept this is an artefact of the way all brains work. Don't go heaping shame or guilt on yourself, where its possible to avoid it.
3. Try acceptance and commitment therapy. Try the leaves on a stream meditation (my favourite for all things cognitive). Do this daily for 10 mins. Its worth a try.

Be kind to yourselves, above all else. I understand the ****ing misery this can cause, am sorry you all struggle with it. It's not your faults.

Compassion focused therapy audio, guided meditations:

https://balancedminds.com/audio/
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post #6 of 45 (permalink) Old 08-29-2020, 07:20 PM
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the truth of the matter is ocd or intrusive thoughts are meaningless unless you give it power and meaning. but of course thoughts that stem from ocd or rumination are often different causes for distress significant or not though i can relate. Ive had ocd like thoughts repetitive enough to form paranoia and concern. Thing is if you care what theyre like that is key. knowing you care about yourself and those around you. Otherwise people probably would think you should be locked up and thats just ocd talking.

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post #7 of 45 (permalink) Old 08-30-2020, 04:41 AM
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Originally Posted by Abnormal Thought Patterns View Post
Mine has been really bad lately, to the point where I feel like jumping through a window to make it stop lol. :c Just really awful thoughts that I don't want and they won't go away no matter what I do.
I've been there. OCD is hell.

I use Schwartz's Four Steps to manage mine. It took me several months to get them under control, and they still bother me from time to time, but you can do something about them.

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post #8 of 45 (permalink) Old 09-11-2020, 09:17 PM
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Originally Posted by Cascades View Post
I've been having this thing where for the past few months, I keep thinking about going over a balcony. I know the room because I've stayed in it before and when I lie down at night sometimes I just keep thinking about it. Over and over and it won't stop, like I have to grip the bed sometimes just to remind myself I'm safe. I can feel it and I can see it. Whenever I stay at hotels, I struggle to be on the balcony and it's not because of the height, I just keep getting this urge to go over.
I have the exact same thing. It's why I never go on balconies. It gets to the point of nearly inducing a panic attack if I don't snap myself out of it.
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post #9 of 45 (permalink) Old 09-14-2020, 04:00 PM
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I get intrusive thoughts. They come out of nowhere, seemingly and I don't want them yet they're there. It tortures me sometimes, but I recognize I'm not my thoughts. I also use Klonopin, CBD oil and hemp. I can't drink because I'm on probation and a lot of meds

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post #10 of 45 (permalink) Old 09-14-2020, 06:32 PM
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I have OCD as well. intrusive thoughts rule my life sometimes. Rationalizing through them is the "compulsion" aspect.
They're horrid. I despise them. The more i worry about them though, the worse they get.
Someone else said the same thing I learned awhile ago. They mean nothing, everyone gets them.
Guess the trick is to recognize its a thought and then move on.
Sorry you get them. they suck!
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post #11 of 45 (permalink) Old 09-21-2020, 03:41 PM Thread Starter
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I've been there. OCD is hell.

I use Schwartz's Four Steps to manage mine. It took me several months to get them under control, and they still bother me from time to time, but you can do something about them.
hi, sorry i took so long to reply. ^-^'

thank you for link. i'll look more into this and see how it goes. i've heard you have to stay with the thought that's bothering you and try to accept the thought, but that is so terrifying to me lol. >.<

see, i'm real...if you want me to be.
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post #12 of 45 (permalink) Old 09-21-2020, 04:14 PM
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hi, sorry i took so long to reply. ^-^'

thank you for link. i'll look more into this and see how it goes. i've heard you have to stay with the thought that's bothering you and try to accept the thought, but that is so terrifying to me lol. >.<
It's best to dismiss the thought as irrelevant static. The point is to neither believe the thought, nor fear it, but note it, dismiss it as irrelevant, and turn your attention to something else. The thought gains its strength from the emotional charge that you give it. The less attention you pay to the thought, the sooner it fades.

These thoughts are basically waking nightmares. Like dreams, they have no objective reality. You may dream about something terrible happening, but nothing terrible is actually happening. Intrusive thoughts are the same. You have a waking dream that something terrible is going to happen, but nothing terrible is actually going to happen. But like dreams, they can feel very real. When I was dealing with my own thoughts when I was first learning this stuff, I would say, "Oh, I'm sleeping again," whenever I had the thought.

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post #13 of 45 (permalink) Old 09-27-2020, 04:56 PM Thread Starter
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It's best to dismiss the thought as irrelevant static. The point is to neither believe the thought, nor fear it, but note it, dismiss it as irrelevant, and turn your attention to something else. The thought gains its strength from the emotional charge that you give it. The less attention you pay to the thought, the sooner it fades.

These thoughts are4 basically waking nightmares. Like dreams, they have no objective reality. You may dream about something terrible happening, but nothing terrible is actually happening. Intrusive thoughts are the same. You have a waking dream that something terrible is going to happen, but nothing terrible is actually going to happen. But like dreams, they can feel very real. When I was dealing with my own thoughts when I was first learning this stuff, I would say, "Oh, I'm sleeping again," whenever I had the thought.
yep, that's exactly what i heard. it's been really difficult to program my brain to practice doing so because it seems like i can never let myself perform therapeutic techniques like that. same with mindfulness or meditation or breathing exercises. it's like no matter how much i try to get into the right mindset and let things happen, i become too self aware and then can't accept what i'm doing, idk. i get close to dismisisng the thought and accepting it; then my brain tells me that i shouldn't accept it or something will happen. it's soo annoying. i should keep trying tho for sure, hopefully i will make a breathrough sooner than later.

also, i saw your signature and you seem to be a person of culture.

see, i'm real...if you want me to be.
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post #14 of 45 (permalink) Old 09-27-2020, 08:19 PM
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also, i saw your signature and you seem to be a person of culture.

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post #15 of 45 (permalink) Old 10-03-2020, 03:15 PM
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I check my bedroom door over and over again. And every night I have to do my rituals - checking doors and windows are properly locked, gas stove is turned off, my pc is properly sshutted down and making sure no water leakage from pipes - over and over again.
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post #16 of 45 (permalink) Old 10-03-2020, 03:47 PM
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I check my bedroom door over and over again. And every night I have to do my rituals - checking doors and windows are properly locked, gas stove is turned off, my pc is properly sshutted down and making sure no water leakage from pipes - over and over again.
Doesn't your PC have sleep mode? I never shut mine down unless I'm going out.

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post #17 of 45 (permalink) Old 10-04-2020, 04:43 AM
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Doesn't your PC have sleep mode? I never shut mine down unless I'm going out.
It has a sleep mode but I never use it. Funny, I feel safer if I shut it down. I'm weird that way.
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post #18 of 45 (permalink) Old 12-17-2020, 04:12 AM
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Oh like Casadastraphobia? My brother mentioned he used to know someone with that phobia.
Yeah. I've been doing more research and this is all starting to make sense now.

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Casasdastraphobia is, by its nature, a fantasy phobia, or a phobia for which the probability of the event described in the fear happening is zero, or near zero. This means that there is some amount of fantastical thinking involved in the precipitation of this phobia, which points to possible psychosis, as might be observed in schizotypal or schizophrenic thinking (or in bipolar disorder with psychotic features.)
^ the one thing they left off that list is: OCD with Poor Insight or Psychotic Features.

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According to the DSM-V, a person with OCD may be characterized as having “good insight,” “fair insight,” “poor insight,” or “absent insight/delusional thoughts.” Previous DSMs required that the individual have an “awareness” that their intrusive thoughts, images, fears and ritualistic behaviors (compulsions) are unfounded, possibly unnecessary, and irrational to be diagnosed with OCD.

The latest version of the DSM, the DSM-V, however, states that the individual can have “absent insight/delusional thoughts ” or psychotic features” and still be diagnosed with OCD. The previous criteria that stated that the individual must, at some point, recognize that his or her obsessions and compulsions are “extreme” or “unwarranted” to be diagnosed with OCD was removed from the DSM-V.

Keep in mind, however, that the degree of insight that people with OCD have fluctuates or varies, depending on the situation. For instance, at first Dan had “OCD with good insight.” He was “aware” that his obsessions and compulsions were unrealistic and highly unlikely to actually occur.

However, by the time Dan met with the psychiatrist, his OCD symptoms had worsened, causing him to have “OCD with poor insight or psychotic features.” That is why the psychiatrist originally diagnosed Dan with OCD and borderline psychosis. Later, the psychiatrist realized that Dan had “OCD with poor insight or psychotic features.”

So, as you can see, the degree of insight a person with OCD has can change. For instance, Mark, logically discussed a specific obsession (like making sure everything is neat and orderly) and compulsion (like his incessant need to constantly organize things) with his doctor.

During the session, he even acknowledged that his thoughts were not logical and his actions were unnecessary. However, 30-minutes later, he reverted back to illogical, irrational, and delusion thinking patterns. Once Mark got home, he was exposed to a “trigger.” A knife that is out of place in the drawer. The missing knife caused him to panic.

He truly believed that his wife, Belle, hid the knife and was planning to stab him to death once he fell asleep. So, Mark forced himself to stay awake because, in his mind, if he fell asleep his wife would kill him.
This is “OCD with poor insight or psychotic features.”
Re the BIB: Most of the time, I know my thoughts are irrational, but I often reach a point where I'm no longer sure if they are. I don't think I've ever gotten to the point Dan gets, where he believes that his wife is going to kill him. A point I have often got to, though, is not knowing if my gf is going to kill me. I would often lie awake in bed afraid to go to sleep because I was afraid my ex was going to kill me in my sleep. I didn't believe that she had a plan to murder me (which would be a delusion); it was that I didn't know if she would. (I also push a little table in front of my bedroom door when I sleep. Not because I think my brother is going to come into my room, but because I don't know that he won't.)

I always get to a point of doubt and then stop. I don't believe that aliens are coming to abduct me (a delusion), but I do get to a point where I'm convinced that if I think about aliens they will take notice of me, so I try not to think about aliens. At one point "aliens don't exist" and then at another point "well, maybe aliens do exist and I've just never met one because I haven't thought about them enough". Which I guess is also a delusion now that I'm saying it, but it's a different kind of delusion. It's a delusion about the nature of reality itself (or something) as opposed to a belief that I'm currently being abducted. Other examples are like when I take out the garbage I'm afraid that I'll be attacked by a bear, even though I've literally never seen a bear anywhere but in a zoo. I've stopped walking anywhere at night because I'm so afraid of running into a bear. But I know the odds of running into one must be close to nil. Phobias and OCD are really sort of indistinguishable at a lot of points for me.

This one's old, but...

Quote:
Although most patients are certain that their obsessions are senseless (N 18 ), some have a partial belief in the obsession (N=4). When asked what would happen (disease, death, etc.) if a ritual was not performed, many of the 18 who had expressed “insight” into the absurdity of the obsessive idea were less than certain about the unlikelihood of dire consequences. This difference illustrates the gap between intellectual and emotional insight. In addition, resistance to the obsessional idea or urge varied across the range of the scale from never present to always present, with the greatest number of subjects falling in the “sometimes” category (N=6). In fact, resistance varied considerably within certain patients, often increasing at work and decreasing with fatigue. The obsessional ideas were noted by our rater to be bizarre in every case. One possible interpretation of these results is that insight and resistance are continuous rather than dichotomous variables. At the severe end of this continuum are patients who intellectually describe their obsessions as senseless but behaviorally appear to embrace rather than resist the obsessional idea.
I can sit here and talk about how my fears are completely irrational and yet when I'm in the grip of them they stop seeming completely irrational.

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Yeah that sounds difficult to deal with. I guess your brain just makes you aware of all the possibilities even if it's very unrealistic. I guess there's a fear of losing control and feeling like you have a lot of control as well like you're responsible for other people's actions.
I said I felt like I was "losing control" so many times my therapist devoted a whole session to it. I always feel like things are out of control and like everything is going to descend into chaos at any second. This is why I like Silent Hill so much. Because I have these shifts from "rational but bleak" to "omg monsters are real" in my own life.

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I have a lot of weird auditory processing stuff. I hate the sound of vacuum cleaners.
I can't listen to ASMR. It makes me so tense that I eventually turn into a demon of pure rage. I find it the exact opposite of relaxing.

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Mm I'm not sure I guess it's because they're satisfied with the end result somewhat like it's an improvement even if not ideal. So even if they dislike how they look before they feel better later. I actually don't here many people talk about these topics that often though. Most common thing I hear is people crying in the shower/while being naked but not much about when they have clothes on (and also it's mostly trans masc people I hear that from so that might be different.)
Yeah, idk. I just find it hard to relate to other trans people sometimes. I don't think I've ever cried in the shower. I don't cry about that sort of thing. I just get cold and angry. I understand the desire to smash mirrors perfectly.

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Yeah that makes sense. I identify with my body somewhat so when other people interpret it I often dislike their conclusions/how they react to it but I want them to basically view it/me differently like the reaction it gets bothers me, but I don't see it as separate mostly. The only time I see it more as a separate person is when I'm topless/naked sometimes if I'm paying attention, because it's very different than with clothes.

I also don't have a clear idea of who I am internally like self image wise. Sometimes I'm someone who's significantly different but it's not impacted the body thing too much. What I think happens more is that I become what I've internalised about my body around others, which I also dislike (although it doesn't always happen since some people can see through that or around it,) but that's part of why I prefer being alone.
I have a pretty clear/consistent self-representation. To the point where I have often tried to Google whoever it must be that I've cloned. I feel like I must have seen this person somewhere. Otoh, it's been aging right along with me, so idk. But I know the mind is tricksy so that's not beyond its powers.

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See the complete freak out to Harry Styles simply wearing a dress
The freak-out over Harry Styles is absurd. Good grief.

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post #19 of 45 (permalink) Old 12-17-2020, 05:05 AM
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More OCD with poor insight. I should probably stop obsessing about this and go to bed.

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Obsessive–compulsive disorder (OCD), on the other hand, is characterized by obsessions (thoughts, images, or intrusive impulses that cause emotional discomfort) and compulsions (behaviors performed to diminish or deal with the discomfort created by obsessions) (27, 28 ). The OCD patient is classically considered to have a good level of insight regarding their symptoms. The OCD patient, in general, understands their symptoms as ego-dystonic, that is, impulses, wishes, or thoughts that are unacceptable or repugnant to the ego or self (29), leading patients to realize that the obsession is totally contrary to the patients’ wishes and desires. Therefore, people with OCD are aware that their behaviors are abnormal and responding to their compulsions causes them anxiety and distress. It is very common, meanwhile, that at the exact time of the obsession/compulsion occurrence, patients present an oscillatory conviction (doubt) about the nature (true or false) of the obsession, resulting again in anxiety and distress (30). Thus, patients with OCD may present diverse psychopathological features regarding levels of insight, ego dystonicity and conviction about their own symptoms. The similarity, inconsistency, complexity, and/or overlapping of the cited conceptual constructs (and others, as “beliefs,” “overvalued ideas,” and even “delusional thoughts”) (8, 31–34) have led researchers to confound the cited concepts and to use these terms very loosely, since adequate instruments to assess them are not often used.

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post #20 of 45 (permalink) Old 12-17-2020, 07:29 PM
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Yeah. I've been doing more research and this is all starting to make sense now.



^ the one thing they left off that list is: OCD with Poor Insight or Psychotic Features.
I didn't realise that there was a separate category of OCD with psychotic features but it makes sense I guess since psychosis can also occur during depression etc.

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Re the BIB: Most of the time, I know my thoughts are irrational, but I often reach a point where I'm no longer sure if they are. I don't think I've ever gotten to the point Dan gets, where he believes that his wife is going to kill him. A point I have often got to, though, is not knowing if my gf is going to kill me. I would often lie awake in bed afraid to go to sleep because I was afraid my ex was going to kill me in my sleep. I didn't believe that she had a plan to murder me (which would be a delusion); it was that I didn't know if she would. (I also push a little table in front of my bedroom door when I sleep. Not because I think my brother is going to come into my room, but because I don't know that he won't.)

I always get to a point of doubt and then stop. I don't believe that aliens are coming to abduct me (a delusion), but I do get to a point where I'm convinced that if I think about aliens they will take notice of me, so I try not to think about aliens. At one point "aliens don't exist" and then at another point "well, maybe aliens do exist and I've just never met one because I haven't thought about them enough". Which I guess is also a delusion now that I'm saying it, but it's a different kind of delusion. It's a delusion about the nature of reality itself (or something) as opposed to a belief that I'm currently being abducted. Other examples are like when I take out the garbage I'm afraid that I'll be attacked by a bear, even though I've literally never seen a bear anywhere but in a zoo. I've stopped walking anywhere at night because I'm so afraid of running into a bear. But I know the odds of running into one must be close to nil. Phobias and OCD are really sort of indistinguishable at a lot of points for me.
I guess you could be particularly likely to develop a phobic response to stuff and then your mind attempts to control that creating the OCD thing instead of just being scared? Also constant stress probably doesn't help with that.

I guess I've had occasional what if thoughts about people possibly being able to read my mind but that type of thought is pretty rare and I don't find it difficult to dismiss it's sort of like when you sometimes think about breathing and then it gets hard to do that, but that thought doesn't stick around too long for most people.

I think I used to get a lot more random fears though. Like at one point when I was younger I would occasionally worry about the possibility of Jupiter crashing into Earth because I watched some documentary and the planet freaked me out, then I was also worried about nuclear explosions at one point (but neither of these things have really bothered me for a long while.) But still wasn't that that persistent/obsessive I don't think.

I was curious so decided to google this now and there's this video 'what if Jupiter swallowed Earth' (which has cheesy American documentary voice so isn't actually scary to me now because of that imo, this isn't the documentary I watched though, I think it's just a topic people like to bring up to sensationalise science and make it more interesting.)

and some people have also commented things like this:

Quote:
For me this is more terrifying than watching horror movies.
Quote:
I used to have vivid dreams about Jupiter and earth colliding.. Also had a dream where Earth dead fell to the sun.
I was also very fascinated by black holes once and spaghettification when we had to do some kind of science paper thing and I picked that topic, but that didn't scare me. So it's kind of random.

There was another time when I was 8 or 9 I went to visit the Millennium dome (which only existed a short time before I think they turned it into some venue.) And there was a giant Human body that you went into with a giant beating heart (among other things,) I got really scared by that and had to leave, and that took me a while to get over I was sort of traumatised by that for a couple of weeks and couldn't eat properly. I think the circularity system of Human bodies also sort of freaked me out after that for a while. I think there were probably some other experiences too that sort of added to it though. I mean I was also kind of weirded out by this one level in the video game Medieval where there's this stain glass demon with a heart. Though I also really liked that game.

Some of my other phobic reactions only apply to things when they're new and last until I get used to them. Like I'm often freaked out by new gas ovens/hobs but then after I use them many times that reduces to almost nothing. I had that with matches too.

There's some other examples of stuff at different ages but not listing all the stuff.

I was reading this recently.

Quote:
Taking the drug before therapy is akin to shaking up a snow globe and letting the flakes settle, said Carol Routledge, chief scientific and medical officer at Small Pharma, the company running the trial in collaboration with Imperial College London.

“The psychedelic drug breaks up all of the ruminative thought processes in your brain – it literally undoes what has been done by either the stress you’ve been through or the depressive thoughts you have – and hugely increases the making of new connections.

“Then the [psychotherapy] session afterwards is the letting-things-settle piece of things – it helps you to make sense of those thoughts and puts you back on the right track. We think this could be a treatment for a number of depressive disorders besides major depression, including PTSD, treatment-resistant depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and possibly some types of substance abuse.”
(they were previously researching psilocybin for depression.)

I'm not sure why they think this would work because it's my general impression reading about the drug before that your mental state effects the trip itself and you also have to be able to mentally let go. It seems like the results would be very unpredictable too, but it would be interesting to hear more about that.

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I can sit here and talk about how my fears are completely irrational and yet when I'm in the grip of them they stop seeming completely irrational.
Yeah I guess that's common with a lot of fears.

Quote:
I said I felt like I was "losing control" so many times my therapist devoted a whole session to it. I always feel like things are out of control and like everything is going to descend into chaos at any second. This is why I like Silent Hill so much. Because I have these shifts from "rational but bleak" to "omg monsters are real" in my own life.
Ah, I find Silent Hill pretty fascinating for some reason, but I wouldn't want to live there. Have you tried writing horror fiction?

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I can't listen to ASMR. It makes me so tense that I eventually turn into a demon of pure rage. I find it the exact opposite of relaxing.
Yeah I've heard other people have that reaction (my brother mentioned that once actually.) I personally like it though I think because I had that asmr feeling in real life sometimes throughout my life. I didn't think about what that was until people started doing that online. It's interesting that people have very different reactions to it.

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Yeah, idk. I just find it hard to relate to other trans people sometimes. I don't think I've ever cried in the shower. I don't cry about that sort of thing. I just get cold and angry. I understand the desire to smash mirrors perfectly.
I think I cry about some things sometimes. But it's more like I just start thinking about certain things and then tear up or something, usually while lying in bed. I've never done that as a reaction to my body in the shower. I usually ignore it and then if I have a negative reaction it's more like some form of fear I guess.

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I have a pretty clear/consistent self-representation. To the point where I have often tried to Google whoever it must be that I've cloned. I feel like I must have seen this person somewhere. Otoh, it's been aging right along with me, so idk. But I know the mind is tricksy so that's not beyond its powers.
That's interesting. I guess if you've always had that it's unlikely to be heavily based on a single person.

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Yet another man lost to irony poisoning, cynicism, hyper-self awareness and the inability to be sincere.

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