OCD/Depression related to throwing things away
Since I've been about 16 I've been throwing my possessions away or selling them just a week or so after I get them. I want something really bad when I look at it on the internet but when I have it in person I start to really hate it and can't stand to have it in my room. I keep everything pristine and wash my hands several times (sometimes even taking a shower) before touching any of my possessions which makes no sense because I'll eventually throw it way or get rid of it. It doesn't matter what it is- It will eventually go. I can't explain it, but with my OCD these material things take over my thoughts and I focus all of my attention on them instead of trying to get out of the house and get over my social anxiety. I remember it started with ordering CD's through the mail (and I swear, looking forward to that new package of CD's on my front porch when I got home from school was all that got me through it I was so depressed) and getting so excited about them but just a few days later I would start throwing some of them away that I felt didn't live up to my expectations. This went on for few more years and I must have wasted about $800 or more. Every single CD I bought back then has been gone for at least 5 years now, I didn't even keep one. Then it kind of switched over to books where I would buy them and start reading them but within just the first day I would start to feel almost a panic to rush through them and get finished so I could throw the book away. I still have this problem today, except now it's with DVD's and some video games and instead of throwing them away I'll sell them on the internet after I've only had them for a few days. DVD's are about the only thing I look forward to when I wake up in the morning but I just can't stand to look at them in person once I actually have them in my room. They'll just keep aggravating me and eventually I'll get depressed about the whole thing but no matter what I can't stop. I've never read about anyone having this problem and I've talked with my therapist about it and she kind of thinks it has to do with not wanting to form an attachment or bond with anything. She also thinks it has something to do with trying to fill up that void inside with material things instead of trying to form relationships or make friends and working on getting over my social anxiety.