New personality disorder? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 08-02-2014, 03:56 PM Thread Starter
MKarlie
 
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New personality disorder?


I don't know what's wrong with me, but it's interfering with my life. I can't really find anything like it on-line. Or maybe I'm just odd, I don't know. Anyway I describe my behaviour.

I avoid everyone. I cut contact with a group of old friends. I met a load of new people at uni, and avoid them as much as possible. It's like socialising angers me. When I'm with them though I'm not quiet or shy or anything, in fact I find it alright. The weird part is as soon as I leave I'll believe that the conversation we just had was horrible, and awkward. That they all hate me. I'll go back to avoiding until I cross them again, then the cycle repeats.

I interpret everything wrong. This is hard to explain. Often when people tell me something, or ask me to do something, I'll think they're asking me something else. This happens all day 24 7. My brother thinks I act like it on purpose to annoy him, my Mum even said today, and I quote, 'You can't be that stupid, are you winding me up?' Examples are as follows:

1) I was doing a maths test when I was 16. On the board it said 'do question 1-3, after, the rest.' This meant to do question 1-3, mark it with the class then do the rest of the questions. For some reason I saw 'rest' as 'have a rest.' I remember wondering why the teacher had put a the in front of it. I failed the maths test.

2) Today, and this is what inspired the post. My Mum asked me to post a letter for her to her friend. She meant to put it in the letter box down the street. What I did was catch a train, travelled a couple of miles to the address on the envelope, and posted it through the letter slot of the house. Then I came back.

Stuff like this happens all the time, I don't trust myself doing things any more and get people to be extremely specific. I always worry I'll do something stupid like usual. Also I just read this stuff back and already it's sort of all over the place. Or it's not and I think it is.

I'm ridiculously immature for a 19 year old male. To the point where I make random noises in my room, sing opera around the house. Scream for no reason. Whenever I'm in a room with my brother I'll start pulling faces at him. At university I was in a pub with a group of guys, they were talking about sport. I suddenly asked, 'hey, what's everyone's favourite colour?!' They proceeded to make fun of me. I also have this thing that happens sometimes when I spaz out, flail my arms quickly, like you sometimes see disabled people do. You know, when they kind of have their hands in front of them. Like that.

When I'm talking to people sometimes I find it very hard to convey my opinion. I will start to stutter, often forget common words. Like earlier I forgot the word 'car' somehow when talking to my brother. Most people can't follow my train of thought, or will just smile politely when I talk and not respond because they have no idea what I mean. I'm not nervous or anything when talking to these people, it's like I have some kind of impediment of the mouth. I remember once it got me so mad I just screamed at a girl, that happened several weeks ago.

The main concern I have is the fact that I think I may be starting to get depressed. I feel like I have this barrier between me and regular people, that I can't relate to anyone. I can't talk to anyone properly without ridiculing myself, or not making sense. I can't be mature for a second. Talking about the news bores me to death and I lose interest immediately. I can't see myself ever getting a girlfriend because I can't imagine anyone is immature enough or weird enough to put up with me.

I don't really have any proper friends. I keep avoiding everyone because I can't stand being laughed at or called 'weird' all the time. I cut contact with an old group of friends because they did this. And the new group is not much better, worse even, as they are more mature. So I avoid them too. I just stay in my room a lot. When home my brother will often complain to my Mum that I should see a therapist, that's there's something wrong with me. My Dad gets angry a lot at my weird behaviour, my Mum keeps telling me 'she's worried about me.'

Also I have a dreadful memory. If you've ever seen the movie Memento then you'll get an idea of what it's like. It's not that severe of course. It's like my memories fade after I've just done something. I can never remember what I've just done. I brush my teeth twice in a row some days because I couldn't remember doing it the first time. I have notes that I write in pen all over my arms will stuff like 'cut nails' on, and times and places to be.

I don't know what's going on. I'm not sure if I have a personality disorder or what. What's interesting is I took a personality disorder test, and scored 'High' on every disorder. Schizotypal was slightly higher than the others, but I'm not sure if that's what I have, that disorder involves magical thinking and psychic abilities or something.
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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 08-02-2014, 10:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mokoman View Post
Stuff like this happens all the time, I don't trust myself doing things any more and get people to be extremely specific. I always worry I'll do something stupid like usual.

When I'm talking to people sometimes I find it very hard to convey my opinion. In writing, as I'm sure you can tell, I have no major problems. In reality however I will start to stutter, often forget common words. Like earlier I forgot the word 'car' somehow when talking to my brother. Most people can't follow my train of thought, or will just smile politely when I talk and not respond because they have no idea what I mean.

I feel like I have this barrier between me and regular people, that I can't relate to anyone. I can't talk to anyone properly without ridiculing myself, or not making sense.
I can't tell you how much this relates to me. I always interpret things wrong all the time and I always act like a ****ing idiot around people and when i'm nervous I stutter and I forget simple words and I forget my train of thought because of all the other thoughts telling me how awkward this is and how dumb of a person I am.
It surprised me when I looked at your profile and saw we were already friends because we both think we have BDD. Well for me, I believe I have depersonalization disorder and maybe BDD on top of that, but you can research into that and see maybe if what they describe describes you.
That ****ing sucks how your family is treating you that way. Now i don't know the whole situation and stuff and maybe they have good reasons to think you should see a therapist, the only thing that's kinda weird is the animal noises. Lol I kinda chuckled reading that, but honestly if you want to make animal noises go right the **** ahead. I don't see what's the big deal of that, maybe its outta boredom or whatever. Weird people are weird. But there still people and my best friend is one the weirdest people out there. But those people are usually interesting as **** because they aren't like everyone else.
I think you just need to recognize what social wrongs are and when you do, it can help you get confidence into talking to people cause you will know what to say and what not to say. I'll tell you now that I think those group of people laughed at you for asking whats their favourite colour is cause it's not a really in depth question and well you can't really find a lot about a person through knowing their favourite colour. If you see that that's a silly question to ask then you're half way there. But honestly if you feel like you need to go to a therapist too and just talk about stuff, then you should.
The only advice i can think of is to try to be more aware of what's around you and think twice before you do anything. I wish I could tell you an example of the so many times i've ****ed up but my memory sucks, which is also apart of having depersonalization disorder. I'm still trying to tell myself to think twice before I do anything but it's hard when you have to always step back and ask yourself if your seeing things right, cause we should all just be able to live without thinking so hard.
I'd love to talk to you more. If you ever have a question on your mind or anything i'd really like to hear it. I wish for you peace and love
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 08-02-2014, 10:39 PM
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maybe you have dyslexia?

i get like that sometimes though. when reading directions and theyre worded weirdly, i have to read over them a few times. i'm also pretty horrible at basic math in my head. i always have to write it down to see it and understand.

one example is when ppl use double negatives. i get frickin confused lol. ex. "dont not say yes"
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 08-02-2014, 11:20 PM
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I was thinking maybe asperger's after what you said to those guys at the pub but unless your always like that I think maybe your mistakes are just a result of your anxiety. I do a lot of stupid **** when I'm nervous.
Like at work when somebody asks me to pass them a pen, ill sit there for 5 seconds and go crazy in my head "I NEED TO FIND A PEN WHERE THE **** ARE THE PENS!!!!" and it'll be sitting in front of me. Maybe you just panic like me
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 08-03-2014, 04:39 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by irandom97 View Post
I can't tell you how much this relates to me. I always interpret things wrong all the time and I always act like a ****ing idiot around people and when i'm nervous I stutter and I forget simple words and I forget my train of thought because of all the other thoughts telling me how awkward this is and how dumb of a person I am.
It surprised me when I looked at your profile and saw we were already friends because we both think we have BDD. Well for me, I believe I have depersonalization disorder and maybe BDD on top of that, but you can research into that and see maybe if what they describe describes you.
That ****ing sucks how your family is treating you that way. Now i don't know the whole situation and stuff and maybe they have good reasons to think you should see a therapist, the only thing that's kinda weird is the animal noises. Lol I kinda chuckled reading that, but honestly if you want to make animal noises go right the **** ahead. I don't see what's the big deal of that, maybe its outta boredom or whatever. Weird people are weird. But there still people and my best friend is one the weirdest people out there. But those people are usually interesting as **** because they aren't like everyone else.
I think you just need to recognize what social wrongs are and when you do, it can help you get confidence into talking to people cause you will know what to say and what not to say. I'll tell you now that I think those group of people laughed at you for asking whats their favourite colour is cause it's not a really in depth question and well you can't really find a lot about a person through knowing their favourite colour. If you see that that's a silly question to ask then you're half way there. But honestly if you feel like you need to go to a therapist too and just talk about stuff, then you should.
The only advice i can think of is to try to be more aware of what's around you and think twice before you do anything. I wish I could tell you an example of the so many times i've ****ed up but my memory sucks, which is also apart of having depersonalization disorder. I'm still trying to tell myself to think twice before I do anything but it's hard when you have to always step back and ask yourself if your seeing things right, cause we should all just be able to live without thinking so hard.
I'd love to talk to you more. If you ever have a question on your mind or anything i'd really like to hear it. I wish for you peace and love
I get into really depressed moods and exaggerate all the things that are only slightly wrong with me. I don't think I really have BDD, sometimes I'll see myself in the mirror and get angry with the way I look. I'll get all self conscious and stuff, but it'll usually pass. But I wrote this post while I was happy, which is unusual for me, so I think this is the most accurate post I've ever made.
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 08-03-2014, 12:39 PM
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I have similar symptoms than OP but way less intense. I think it's on the autism scale. I had to do an asperger's test but I was never diagnosed.

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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 08-03-2014, 12:59 PM
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Having that many issues with your memory I'd recommend seeing a neurologist.
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