Narcissism and Social Anxiety - Page 3 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #41 of 84 (permalink) Old 03-22-2020, 12:11 PM
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Never got to reading this one, but if you want to look deeper into that question, you might want to read this book: Shame: The Underside of Narcissism.

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post #42 of 84 (permalink) Old 03-22-2020, 04:40 PM
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I've been a narcissist for much of my life. I like to think that I've recovered from it with socializing. Talking to other people and hearing what they have to say and trying to help them takes me out of my solo patterns and changes my focus.

I have been a hero-narcissist, helping others solely for the purpose of self image.

My self image was constantly under attack by sadists who bullied me and my narcissistic machevelian mother, who failed to be impressed with anything I ever did. My attempts to honor her biblically with greater and greater achievements always fell flat, forcing me to go bigger and better just to try to fulfill my levitical obligation to her.

Finally with coronovirus she listened to something I had been cooking up my whole life and there was a concussion of relief to me.

Ever since I've felt free of this hero-narcissistic-levitical complex and I've been enjoying doing pretty much nothing important.

When coronovirus ends I'll figure something else out and try to base it on healthier patterns.

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Narcisissts rarely accept thats what they are eh so well done on that.


Seem to have shaken it off easy enough as well.

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post #43 of 84 (permalink) Old 03-25-2020, 02:51 AM
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For those interested:
Narcissistic Thinking in an Avoidance Vortex

The above article looks at avoidant behaviour (common coping mechanism in social anxiety) in terms of preventing some anticipated rejection/humiliation or failure to meet one's own self-imposed standards. In essence you wish to avoid feeling anxious so much that you are willing to overlook any negative consequences that your behaviour might have on someone else (essentially placing your own need to avoid feeling bad above whatever needs other people may have).

Unlike plain old selfishness, avoidants are aware that they are in the wrong and feel plenty of self-loathing. But that awareness and guilt is not enough for change, they are nonetheless able to detach and rationalise to themselves in a way that continues the cycle of avoidance. The compulsion, detachment, and egocentrism at work here is similar to the narcissist's modus operandi. And if one considers classic narcissism as compulsive self-soothing at the expense of hurting other people, then extreme avoidance is basically the same thing, plus it is also done at the expense of hurting yourself. The article calls this "vulnerable narcissism".

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post #44 of 84 (permalink) Old 03-25-2020, 11:36 AM
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I'm unsure I get it because, most narcissist people would walk over someone else to meet their needs, while social anxious people tend to stay away and wait to take what's left after everyone's gone. so..... ??
….or they take it to Fakebook or Instasham.


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post #45 of 84 (permalink) Old 03-25-2020, 01:11 PM
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Not sure how Harry Potter came into this discussion, but I second with what that guy said. I was never into that movie/book series anyway.
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post #46 of 84 (permalink) Old 03-25-2020, 02:08 PM
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Not sure how Harry Potter came into this discussion, but I second with what that guy said. I was never into that movie/book series anyway.
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post #47 of 84 (permalink) Old 03-30-2020, 04:37 PM
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I haven't been following the discussion so far but tbh I don't see how the two could be connected. I can relate though as I've had my feelings of grandiosity during mania confused with narcissism before - it's a very strange feeling. You feel pretty much invincible and that you're superior to everyone else.

I distinctly remember walking through department stores and wondering why everyone wasn't staring at me. When I was younger and looked better some of them would be - so it re-enforced it. Very strange indeed.
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post #48 of 84 (permalink) Old 03-31-2020, 08:56 AM
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I haven't been following the discussion so far but tbh I don't see how the two could be connected. I can relate though as I've had my feelings of grandiosity during mania confused with narcissism before - it's a very strange feeling. You feel pretty much invincible and that you're superior to everyone else.

I distinctly remember walking through department stores and wondering why everyone wasn't staring at me. When I was younger and looked better some of them would be - so it re-enforced it. Very strange indeed.

There are a few types, covert narcissists in particular can be socially anxious. Obvs grandiose types wont suffer from it tho.

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post #49 of 84 (permalink) Old 03-31-2020, 09:08 AM
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The thing is that when none cares one becomes bitter and craving attention. I don't think we're narcissists. If we had been respected as normal people we probably wouldn't be killing ourselves (metaphorically or for real) to get attention, would we
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post #50 of 84 (permalink) Old 03-31-2020, 09:20 AM
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The thing is that when none cares one becomes bitter and craving attention. I don't think we're narcissists. If we had been respected as normal people we probably wouldn't be killing ourselves (metaphorically or for real) to get attention, would we

Not sure what you mean, but people with narcisssistic personality disorder are obvs human beings, and others are to blame for their issues.


Its a shame that the condition is very hard to treat, probably due to the fact that very few people who suffer from it are prepared to seek help.


I'm talking in general from what I have read, not from any personal experience.

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post #51 of 84 (permalink) Old 03-31-2020, 12:18 PM
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Not sure what you mean, but people with narcisssistic personality disorder are obvs human beings, and others are to blame for their issues.


Its a shame that the condition is very hard to treat, probably due to the fact that very few people who suffer from it are prepared to seek help.


I'm talking in general from what I have read, not from any personal experience.



I was actually talking about people with social anxiety that some would like to label as narcissists. I don't think we AS sufferers are actually narcissists (they exist, obviously) since it'd be really difficult to find a more selfless person than someone with social anxiety since we always put others first. If we didn't, would we be socially anxious? I doubt it. A narcissist is never a doormat contrary to the social anxiety sufferer....
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post #52 of 84 (permalink) Old 03-31-2020, 01:19 PM
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I was actually talking about people with social anxiety that some would like to label as narcissists. I don't think we AS sufferers are actually narcissists (they exist, obviously) since it'd be really difficult to find a more selfless person than someone with social anxiety since we always put others first. If we didn't, would we be socially anxious? I doubt it. A narcissist is never a doormat contrary to the social anxiety sufferer....

Ok, I dont think you would ever confuse someone with just SA as being a narcissist, far from it. There are specific traits for each that are very different.


Obvs, a narcissistic SA sufferer would show both behavioural traits.

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post #53 of 84 (permalink) Old 03-31-2020, 06:43 PM
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I'm not a narcissist because in conversation it always includes the other person and me, too.
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post #54 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-26-2020, 12:12 AM Thread Starter
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Im actually offended that you put me in the same category as a narcissist but the reality is most people in general are pretty screwed up but some thrive in our world better than others.

Both the socially anxious and narcissists are maladapted in regards to self-esteem. A narcissist has a deep need for excessive attention and admiration whereas someone with SA fears this attention.

Someone who is truly a peace within themselves doesn't require validation from others.

Unfortunately within our world of commerce, manipulation and influence, the narcissist seems to thrive and is financially rewarded. They often get the opportunity of making sh1tloads of money. They even get to share a small amount of their wealth with the "poor" to feel even better within themselves. Collectively we define this as "success".
Why are you offended by just me asking a question? [Staff Edit]. Other than that I agree with your points.

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post #55 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-26-2020, 01:22 PM
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I was actually talking about people with social anxiety that some would like to label as narcissists. I don't think we AS sufferers are actually narcissists (they exist, obviously) since it'd be really difficult to find a more selfless person than someone with social anxiety since we always put others first. If we didn't, would we be socially anxious? I doubt it. A narcissist is never a doormat contrary to the social anxiety sufferer....
I disagree with the bolded. Most of the SA people I know are extremely self-centred and have this carefully constructed array of rationalisations to explain that any action on their part that hurts others is either unavoidable or someone else's fault. Being sheepish for fear of criticism is not the same thing as not being spiteful or hurtful. I've had more people with SA get snippy with me and block me on social media for not paying the amount of attention to them that they felt entitled to than people with normal social lives. They obviously played the victim afterwards.
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post #56 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-26-2020, 02:22 PM
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As my good friend once put it, anxiety in itself can be self-centered but it doesn't mean you are self-ish, if that makes sense. I think I'm just selfish anyway along with self-centered. Maybe it rubbed off from growing up with a parent who was largely ill-socialized and rather self-centered. Being self- centered just harms you in the long run, so I'd only hope to listen to my inner judgment before continuing an entire life like this.
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post #57 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-26-2020, 02:36 PM
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Why are you offended by just me asking a question? [Staff Edit]. Other than that I agree with your points.
someone w/ SA may not fear this attention Shredder talked about if they reveal things they're confident or confident enough in whereas they would fear to reveal other things they're insecure about, there are variations with social anxiety sufferers, the key is what are you insecure about or what made you this way, not that a social anxiety sufferer can't be selfish either.
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post #58 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-26-2020, 04:36 PM Thread Starter
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someone w/ SA may not fear this attention Shredder talked about if they reveal things they're confident or confident enough in whereas they would fear to reveal other things they're insecure about, there are variations with social anxiety sufferers, the key is what are you insecure about or what made you this way, not that a social anxiety sufferer can't be selfish either.
The basis fundamentals of narcissism is related to low self esteem, just as social anxiety. the key difference is how they react to the enviroment.
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post #59 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-26-2020, 05:32 PM
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The basis fundamentals of narcissism is related to low self esteem, just as social anxiety. the key difference is how they react to the enviroment.
I see but I was saying that the fundamentals of low self-esteem, I thought of low self-esteem in certain areas, not necessarily in all aspects
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post #60 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-26-2020, 05:35 PM
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Why are you offended by just me asking a question? [Staff Edit]. Other than that I agree with your points.
Maybe "offended" is the wrong word? By me stating that I was offended puts the onus on you and you did nothing other than ask a good question. Maybe frustrated would have been a better word? I take everything personally which is probably one of the many reasons why Im in a social anxiety forum in the first place. But I can spot false confidence a mile away... which is probably why I feel so frustrated in our fake society. I also I want nothing more to be someone else other than who I am. To help others would make me feel wonderful and useful.. give me a purpose but I get so caught up in my introverted internal world that this feels impossible. I guess I do feel selfish but I feel I dont want to be like this, hence the frustration.. but it feels like who I am. I've always lived in my own internal world since I was a little kid.. I guess its how I learnt to survive. Now I look at all these narcissistic social influencers who get to feel "complete" because they are helping others but they are really only manipulating others for personal gain NOT empowering them. If they empowered others, their own purpose and means of income becomes void. It's all an illusion. I guess I'm frustrated as at least their illusion is better than nothing.
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