My internal monologue is my biggest distraction
All throughout the day I'm talking to myself. I often fantasize about what I'd say to people in conversation, it's more like a monologue than an imaginary conversation though because I generally don't think of what the other person would say (I'm worried this detail makes me sound narcissistic or something tbh, but I think it's just that I don't like putting words in people's mouths). I explain things like the books I'm reading as if I were giving someone a synopsis, signs I see in the car remind me of things and I start talking to myself about whatever that is, etc. There's all sorts of other things I do, but I'm worried about wasting energy (or 'spoons' if you're familiar with that metaphor) on giving examples right now :um
I've tried two stimulants for ADHD, first adderall and now I'm taking ritalin. They're almost exactly the same, I'm much more articulate on them while they're working but my internal monologue is even worse and I can't focus on any kind of passive activity- reading, listening to music or a lecture, watching videos etc. To some extent I'm even distracted when I'm actually talking with someone, but thankfully it's easier to concentrate on what they're saying than it is for those passive things. I guess that's the price of having my thoughts better organized?
I'm also thankful that it varies and that it doesn't consistently distract me as bad as it does at its worse, but it really gets in the way of so many things like listening to music. I have trouble meditating and doing mindfulness exercises too.
I assume if those two meds don't work than this is something that needs to be treated with some sort of therapy. Does anyone know what might help for it? I plan on asking my therapist and psychiatrist next time I seem them.
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