Maladaptive daydreaming doesn't seem to be a very well-documented illness yet. It seems that it's only recently been described by some psychologists and hasn't quite caught on as an "official" illness yet.
I've long been searching for a name for my... peculiar habits, and now that I know of this illness, I think it's possible that I have it.
Almost for as long as I can remember, throughout most of my childhood, I've been prone to daydreaming. But what's weird about my daydreaming is that it's almost always accompanied by movement, just as the description of MD here
talks of the "kinesthetic element". On the internet, I've seen people talk about how they may rock back and forth or fiddle with an object to facilitate daydreaming, but my movement is much stranger: I jump around, do handstands, and other odd exaggerated energetic movements.
While maladaptive daydreaming seems to be mostly concerned with excessive daydreaming, I'm not so much concerned with the amount of daydreaming I do (I do think it is probably a lot more than normal people, but it doesn't interfere with work) so much as I am concerned with the fact that I feel compelled to do strange movements in order to daydream. It's almost like I can't even do it without doing those whacky movements.
It's been going on since I was a kid, and I'm a young adult now. That's why I'm getting increasingly worried. I always shut the door when daydreaming, but how long can I keep this a secret? What happens if someone finds out a grown man is jumping and flipping around like a madman in his room? I need to change this behavior, but I don't know how.
The content of my daydreams also concerns me. Like all daydreams, they are an escape from real life, but I think mine may be overboard. I have daydreams where I am some sort of brave hero risking his life to save others, like stopping armed criminals or saving people from disasters or something. I also have daydreams where I am some bold fearless politician who stands up to corruption and single-handedly fixes everything wrong with the system. My most reoccurrent daydreams are the ones where I am a rockstar, and these are probably the most potent because I do play the guitar and wish to be a musician. Some of my daydreams are a mixture of these things (I'm a rockstar and
A lot of my daydreams don't even involve me. I'm a huge comic book geek, and a lot of my daydreams are about occurrences in fictitious comic book universes with my favorite characters. Like, the stories I would write if I were a comic book writer (another pipedream of mine).
The worst thing about them is how I feel when I "snap back" to reality, and realize how dull it is compared to my "fantasy life" in my daydreams. In my real life, I feel as though I've accomplished nothing, that I have nothing to look forward to, that I am incompetent at everything I do. In my daydreams, I'm a rockstar, but in real life, I can't even write a full song. In my daydreams, I'm a comic book writer/artist, but in real life, my art is pathetic. In my daydreams, I'm the coolest person on the face of the Earth, in real life, I have no friends.
This is distinct from any sort of psychosis, however, as I know the difference between fantasy and reality. It's just that I get a little too involved in the fantasy.
The fact that I pretty much play fantasy in my room while being an adult embarrasses me. I have no idea what I'd do if someone found out. I feel like I have to put aspects of my life on hold until I fix this. I could never, like, have a girlfriend or something knowing that I'd either have to hide this from or reveal this to her (not that I'd ever have a girlfriend anyway, I've still got the social anxiety in addition to this, LOL). If anyone where to ever film what I do, I guarantee you it would he a greater pathetic YouTube viral video than that Star Wars kid. It's that bad. It's like some sort of deranged dancing/fighting thing.
Anyone have something similar? Anyone know if this is even well-known enough that a shrink could help with it?
I'd be surprised if you actually read this long post. But I'd be appreciative, as well.