Not sure if this is the right forum to put this but wasn't sure where else..
Long one if you are up to reading!
I am a very logical/analytical thinker and therefore never think or make decisions based on emotion. I think the situation through and try to find an explanation to mostly everything. Because of this i am not a very emotional person (except when i talk about my own problems).
So my mom lost her sister recently after being basically brain dead and stuck in a care home for 6 months and she is completely in a dark place, crying almost everyday, yelling at god as to why this happened etc,(not much of a believer myself btw), and blaming herself for her death (even though it was not her fault at all, she was the only sibling to help my aunt try to recover). She's completely stuck in this dark/negative thinking state & can't seem to get out of it.
Anyway, i am not feeling any empathy/sympathy towards my mom, in fact i get angry and annoyed every-time i hear her cry. My mom is totally opposite of me she's VERY emotional. But all i think about is why is she crying so much, people lose loved ones all the time and shes acting like its the end of the world? She's even thinking about suicide its that bad and i'm just angry about that. People have lost loved ones at ALL ages and she's just questioning god as to why this happened. In my head i'm going it's a part of life, whats so hard to understand about this? No 'god' did this.
Also i'm not very sad at all about my aunts death. Don't get me wrong i am not glad at ALL thats shes gone, I did like my aunt(she was my favorite aunt), she was very fun to be around and always made us laugh. Yet I haven't even cried once about it and i can't get myself to cry about it, the only thing i can say is that it sucks. Now my mom thinks i'm a heartless person because i haven't cried but i know its just my personality and unlike her i understand that everyone is different and that's mostly okay.
Thing is, when watching tv and hearing of a sad story i will feel bad about the person but when it comes to my own family i don't feel much.
I sometimes wonder is there something wrong with my brain that i can't feel emotion like her? Am i some sociopath?
Guess i should have mentioned this is the first close family death.
Well I guess that losing an aunt is not like losing a mother or... a sister. So it may explain that you are not devastated but only sad.
However you may have a little less empathy than the average because you don't seem to understand that losing a sister can be extremely painful. In the first stages of grief, it is not unusual that people get really depressed and cry a lot. Denial, refusal to accept that it happens ("why?") is also common. So even if you don't understand, try to be very gentle and loving with your mother because she needs it.
Time will heal her pain so be patient. Above all, don't show that her behavior upset you, it would be very inappropriate. And understand that the fact people die all the time and that everyone eventually die don't make any less painful the loss of a loved one. That is the human condition.
Of course I don't know your life, maybe you has as much empathy as most people but the nature of your relationship with your mother explains your current feelings. I don't know.
Even if you don't cry, it doesn't make you a sociopath. People deal differently with grief and show their sadness in different ways. Also, as I said, it's not the same to lose an aunt and a sister.
Anyway, you are who you are, you don't control the way you feel, so don't feel bad. Maybe it's a good thing you can see death without being too affected. But just give time to your mother and be nice to her. Maybe you should read a little about grief on some psychology websites, there are a lot of stuffs that can help you to understand it more.
Last thing, you re social anxious right ? It means that you are particularly affected by the presence of other people; it triggers a strong emotion: fear (anxiety). A shy sociopath, that must be quite uncommon. Social anxious people are, at least in some regard, oversensitive.