journal i wrote when I was extermley depressed does it sound like I borderlinel - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-05-2014, 12:33 PM Thread Starter
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journal i wrote when I was extermley depressed does it sound like I borderlinel


I just need opinions on what should I ask the school councilor for help with when I go at the start of next semester I don't know if Its just major depression bipolar or borderline any way here was a journal I wrote when I was at 1 of points of rock bottom depression that I saved to bring to the therapist/counselor. I liked to have opinions


I feel like im worthless to everyone and have been abandoned I feel like no one cares about me,and that ill never be loved. Im ashamed Iíve never had a girlfriend havenít been able to control my anxiety around people,and act awkward .I feel like im a busted emotional train wreck with no thoughts of my own I feel like im acting through life ,and that im numb to everything. I have no idea what to do with myself day by day and feel like im searching for a distraction from all day from my thoughts. Ive striven to be optimistic every day for years but I still regularly fall into to depressive episodes throughout the day. Im ashamed that I have such trouble complimenting people and displaying my emotions. I desparelty want help for my problems ,but it seems nothing works and im slowly becoming completlty and utterly hopeless. Im also self concsious about how I look all the time and constantly check my reflection .
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post #2 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-05-2014, 05:00 PM
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Hi, shyguy!

I must say your text offers too little information to bring any other disorder into discussion than social anxiety. So maybe you should add a lot more symptoms in there if you have more. Social anxiety can be derived from or associated to those disorders you mentioned but that is not noticeable in your text.

Bipolar and Borderline are known for their mood swings for example. Risky behaviour. Sometimes paranoid thoughts and so on. None of that is written there.

Also I think you should see a professional from outside the school. It's better and safer.

Good luck! Take care!


edit: After re-reading I noticed this:'' no thoughts of my own I feel like im acting through life''. Still not clear enough but if you meant you have episodes of dissociation by that then it could be a sign of Borderline or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Dissociation usually appears as a result of an abuse: phisical, mental, sexual. That is not always the case though.
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post #3 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-05-2014, 10:37 PM Thread Starter
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Heres something else I posted on a more active forum,where I asked if I had bipolar disorder

been having severe depressive episodes since 14 (im 23 now ) and stopped getting therapy and counseling for a long time because I couldn't afford it and didn't have health insurance. Ive been trying to get treatment now though because I reach points where I have given up all hope and considered suicide but decided it would make way more since to try to treat it with therpy and meds.

I went to about 8 therapy sessions and got no where with my therapist I would list all my problems to him and I feel like he didn't even listen.3 therpy session in a row all he did was look at his notes and told me congratulations im almost 23.I told him during my sessions how I don't have normal depression where people feel tired and fatiqued but instead have high energy during my episodes for example I require very little sleep I have went to bed at like 4 in the morning then woke up at 6 without feeling fatigued throughout the whole day my mind is never idle and I never just lay in bed

My thoughts are always racing 24/7 I even had a few times where I have stayed up for 48 hours straight unable to sleep with out feeling fatigued,I have times where im very social at work and feel like I have an extreme amounts of energy ,I speed down the road blast music and start laughing all the time like a crazy person.I also have periods where I feel like my thoughts are falling apart and scattered where I pace around rapidly and I feel like crying but then can start laughing seconds later .Another thing my therapist did was have me list 20 good things about myself ,I came up with 25 and he agreeded I have high self-esteem,which I find odd because I thought people with depression were suppose to have low self esteem.

I always have extreme mood swings throught out the day I have sobbed in my car on the way to work or school and then been fine a hour later and feel like im in a great mood.
Sometimes I feel extremely depressed and all the thoughts im thinking are positive and hopeful but im still absolutely miserable and in emotional pain.
I felt like the therapist wasn't working so I stopped going and started to take welluburtin which ive been on it for 2 months,and I admit it has helped me feel like 40 % better but not completely.this week for example I felt great wendsday.and thrusday then was depressed all of Friday Saturday and Sunday.
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post #4 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-06-2014, 03:06 AM
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Sounds like bipolar because something you mentioned in there seemed like having manic episodes but then the cyclying seems to be a bit too fast. Bipolar cyclying can last between few days to few months. Borderline cyclying takes between few hours and few days usually. It's hard to differentiate between bipolar and borderline as they have many common symptoms.
I think Borderline has few key features like being prone to dissociation, splitting(episodes of idealizing a significant other but then falling to the other extreme), obsessive abandonment fears, '' I hate you don't leave me'' kind of thinking, emotional lability, you can't regulate your emotions, etc.

More about them in here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderl...ality_disorder

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder

You should be able to identify more of your symptoms in there. Only a great professional can give you a 100% sure diagnosis.

A small attempt to differentiate between them here(a study):

http://psychcentral.com/news/2013/10...der/60743.html

Another one in here(3 differences between them from which I have mentioned 2 somewhere above):

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...line-disorders
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post #5 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-06-2014, 06:08 AM Thread Starter
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Yeah im gonna look for health insurance today, so I can get treatment.I Had a very psychological and emotionally abusive father and a lot of traumatic events with other members of my family .It seems more likely I have borderline more then bipolar because I rarely feel normal unless im getting attention from people,where my depression then dissipates ,but I fall back into the same emotional state when left to my own devices.I always have a lot of suicide ideation constantly even when im happy.I never intend to commit suicide though but I remember when I was a teen I would pretend to do things like over dose on pills and threaten sucide to get my father to love me or to see if people cared about me,which im very ashamed of .I don't do that anymore though
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post #6 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-06-2014, 10:10 AM
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If you live in a big enough town they may have a behavioral health department that will bill you according to your financial situation. I saw a therapist, received meds and had group therapy all for free because I was unable to find work.
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post #7 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-06-2014, 12:07 PM Thread Starter
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I don't know if they would do that,because I have enough money to pay for it im just cheap and like to save my money because I want to move out of my parents soon and feel guilty for spending money On something that might not help me,The last therapist I went to about 8 or 10 times and got no where so im hesitant to waste my money unless im sure im gonna get results I bought a self help book For DBt therpy for 5 dollars that im reading instead.
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post #8 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-06-2014, 12:20 PM
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It's very difficult to say if you have bipolar, borderline or both. Part of what you described can be the result of other problems, such as anxiety, ADHD, thyroid problems and blood sugar dysregulation. Any of those problems can cause rapid mood shifts or emotionality. Decreased sleep and a craving for stimulation can occur in ADHD too. A doctor can clear that up for you.
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post #9 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-07-2014, 12:31 AM Thread Starter
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I do have adhd I didn't know that caused mood swings.
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post #10 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-08-2014, 12:45 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DefeatSAD View Post
It's very difficult to say if you have bipolar, borderline or both. Part of what you described can be the result of other problems, such as anxiety, ADHD, thyroid problems and blood sugar dysregulation. Any of those problems can cause rapid mood shifts or emotionality. Decreased sleep and a craving for stimulation can occur in ADHD too. A doctor can clear that up for you.
Can bipolar or BPD be misdiagnosed as ADHD? I have attention problems but I think it might be depression or something. I dissociate sometimes and have multiple mood swings during the day. I also have that splitting problem.
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post #11 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-09-2014, 01:16 AM
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Originally Posted by shyguyred View Post
I do have adhd I didn't know that caused mood swings.
I wouldnt take that as a sure thing.
There is no such symptom as mood swings for ADHD in the DSM - IV TR or DSM - V criteria. Those are the holy books for professionals when it comes to disorders.

http://www.adhdfamilyonline.com/public/239.cfm

http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/adhd/diagnosis.html

However, some professionals argue that in severe cases in adults, it is possible to see mood swings. But there is a dose of doubt even for them. In many cases Bipolar and ADHD have high rates of occuring together. So the mood swings could be in fact caused by the bipolar condition. So again, not a sure thing.

There is also the known fact that ADHD is severely overdiagnosed. DSM - V is the newest edition and it came with few changes for ADHD(as you can see in the links above). But that raised a controversy between experts. People that made those changes claimed it has been done to help professionals in making the right diagnosis while others argue it has, in fact, made it easier to increase the chances of being misdiagnosed with ADHD.

The human mind is still a big unknown and the mental disorders field keeps changing: new disorders are added, some are removed, others renamed, the view on some can be changed dramatically and so can the treatment. It's not really math to be 100% sure of anything.
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post #12 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-09-2014, 01:51 AM
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I keep hearing I may be bipolar as well. Idk ab borderline though....

ďHer mind is an unquiet one, words and thoughts and impulses constantly crashing into each other.Ē


― David Levithan
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post #13 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-10-2014, 05:19 PM
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I do have adhd I didn't know that caused mood swings.
It can cause rapid mood swings. Anxiety and ADHD work together to cause mood swings too. The point was that it's too close of a call. What matters is finding the right treatment.

Quote:
Can bipolar or BPD be misdiagnosed as ADHD? I have attention problems but I think it might be depression or something. I dissociate sometimes and have multiple mood swings during the day. I also have that splitting problem.
Pediatric bipolar gets mistaken for ADHD, but adult ADHD and bipolar is much more distinct. Dissociating is a normal experience for those of us with anxiety. Do you dissociate more specifically when someone leaves you? For BPD, the hallmark is the fear of abandonment. Granted, you could have BPD and not have a fear of abandonment (you only need 5 out of 9), but in that case you'd probably end up with another diagnosis. Multiple mood swings in a day can be caused by anxiety itself. Also, what do you mean by "splitting" problem? There is a distinct way of splitting that is more indicative of BPD. Seek a professional and bring these concerns up because it can help with diagnosis. Often a doctor will not consider something like BPD unless you come in with very obvious self-injury.

Quote:
I wouldnt take that as a sure thing.
There is no such symptom as mood swings for ADHD in the DSM - IV TR or DSM - V criteria. Those are the holy books for professionals when it comes to disorders.

http://www.adhdfamilyonline.com/public/239.cfm

http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/adhd/diagnosis.html

However, some professionals argue that in severe cases in adults, it is possible to see mood swings. But there is a dose of doubt even for them. In many cases Bipolar and ADHD have high rates of occuring together. So the mood swings could be in fact caused by the bipolar condition. So again, not a sure thing.
Yes, DSM is a guide. Clinical practice recognizes more than the DSM. There is no guarantee that "mood swings" are caused by bipolar. People with major depression have "mood swings," people with anxiety also have "mood swings" and even people with schizophrenia have "mood swings." Even if someone experienced hypomania, that still does not mean bipolar disorder. I know people with major depression who experience very brief hypomania. Soft bipolar is fairly common, especially in those of us with anxiety and mood disorders. About 10-20% of people with SAD have a bipolar spectrum disorder.
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post #14 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-11-2014, 12:15 AM Thread Starter
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Yeah I don't think im bipolar because the days I stay up the whole night are very rare probably happened from extreme stress from going to college full time and working fulltime,I was also very sleep deprived for months on end keeping myself up using coffee.I got a borderline self help book and I definitely don't seem borderline, from what it was saying,im usually a calm person who doesn't get mad at anyone I've never been in a fight and in have compassion for other people. Which is not characteristic for borderline. I think I started going through a quarter life crisis once I reached 22.
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post #15 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-11-2014, 03:10 PM
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Yeah I don't think im bipolar because the days I stay up the whole night are very rare probably happened from extreme stress from going to college full time and working fulltime,I was also very sleep deprived for months on end keeping myself up using coffee.I got a borderline self help book and I definitely don't seem borderline, from what it was saying,im usually a calm person who doesn't get mad at anyone I've never been in a fight and in have compassion for other people. Which is not characteristic for borderline. I think I started going through a quarter life crisis once I reached 22.
Don't worry about borderline personality. I too thought I had it at one point, but it was really just anxiety of having a serious disorder like BPD. People with BPD can be calm and compassionate, what really matters is if you meet the criteria. All the BPD stereotypes (manipulative, liars, lack empathy, attention seeking) are not criteria, they're just stereotypes. With that said, I don't think anything you said is outside the realm of anxiety. If you find the standard medication for anxiety to not be helping, you may want to try an anticonvulsant like lamotrigine. I found it really helpful for my general anxiety along with other problems.
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