Jealousy and Anger
I think that my anxiety is strongly linked to deep inner jealousy and anger.
The jealousy and anger shows in the way I behave around women and I can't hide it. I know it's very unattractive, but I have no idea how to stop. It shows in my stiff facial expressions and the way I talk (polite and upset at the same time.)
I think jealousy and anger comes from my mom in large part. She's a very suffering woman with a tragic life. Whenever she or I see public affection we get upset. I don't know how she really feels. I actually wish there was more affection, but I'm upset that someone else is getting it and not me, even if I get a little bit to some degree, if I'm not getting it right now and I see someone else getting it, I feel like I'm a reject. I know it's stupid, but I want to control my feelings of rejection when someone else is getting all the attention while I'm standing there.
My mom gets worried about the environment becoming too affectionate and retreats into hyper "morality" which has nothing to do with the bible, but is basically a jealous effort to level the playing field for her own benefit.
I'm around her a lot and I can't avoid her, and I've picked up this tendency as it is the basis of her only personal language. I can't talk to her without respecting the dignity of her tragic view point.
It spills over into my life and I have no way of fighting it.
How do you fight feelings of jealousy and anger? I have no clue. No one's really ever talked to me about it.
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