OP the most important thing is you have insight which to me shows you are not psychotic. People who are acutely psychotic don't second-guess themselves, they have firm and fixed false beliefs
I have always been able to doubt my psychotic experiences.
I've met people with schizophrenia that are able to separate reality vs psychotic symptoms, and I saw a very popular video where a person with schizophrenia talked about what was going on in her head and how she tried to manage a normal life with the symptoms.
Yes, there are also people with psychotic symptoms where unfortunately no medicin works who is psychotic = have schizophrenia in the way you described.
I'm not saying OP has psychotic symptoms.
But being paranoid and obsessed with unrealistic things is often a big part of psychosis.
Anti-psychotics can help with compulsive thoughts or severe paranoia and depression.
If Moses Chol is suffering from compulsive thoughts or severe paranoia I'd recommend anti-psychotics/talking to a psychologist about this.
I have trouble thinking about the memories. My body pains and I have trouble breathing. Sometimes I get panic attacks. It is like I have PTSD... I think? I hope it get better if I try to process it with the help of other people/therapy and also Tetris.
If you are only interested and the subject excites you. I'll be happy to try to share something =) Maybe it's not much I can give you because it's hard to put together...
(sorry if grammars not on point)