Oh hi there, me from yesterday. I went to bed wishing I wouldn't wake up. Eventually I did though. Hi.
Look on the bright side - and YES there is a bright side! I'm not trying to diminish your problems at all, I know how crippling SA can be, but you have a strong base from which to work against it. You have a home. At least one parent. Food, clothing, shelter taken care of.
You can and you will fix the anxiety issue. You are not alone; other people beside yourself managed so why not you? Retrain yourself to think in more positive ways, abandon that conviction people judge and think ceaselessly of you.. it's possible. May require therapy. Have you asked your mother about this possibility?
Here, this is how you can start fixing the problem..
I would never be able to do a job interview. I'll never have a boyfriend.
What makes you so sure?
You're predicting the future here by some sort of crap magic that gives you crap answers that make you feel even worse. Truth is, you can't know those things for certain at all.
Try considering this predictive tendency as something separate from your self, an enemy. This is somewhat difficult to put into words but it's a trick that allowed me to stop thinking such thoughts.
You are a different person now than you were when you entered high school, what makes you think you'll never change, that you'll always be anxious and afraid?