I spilled my guts to my coworker!! and they support me - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 17 (permalink) Old 03-12-2019, 11:42 AM Thread Starter
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I spilled my guts to my coworker!! and they support me


they were supportive of my problems and told me about their mental health issues which , as i suspected, are seemingly worse than mine. no gruesome details were discussed however as this was not on the docket. and it shan't ever be, because i respect privacy.

I feel very relieved that i have someone in my team at work that i can trust in this regard. we now have an understanding that we can talk about our problems with each other, without any stigmatising repercussions.

I do not know whether we are friends now, because i don't know how to gauge friendship/friend-type behavior. But they have used the word "friend" twice now, like "i'm with you, friend" in response to something i've said. which could be a courtesy thing but also genuine. so who knows.

I think i want to initiate a friendship but not sure how to do it. <<--------- the only way i know how is to say that, and then follow-up with "so like are we friends now, or...?" , which is dumb and awkward but i don't really have too many qualms about letting people know i'm awkward.
like would it be too forward or assuming to ask for their whatsapp?

EDIT: please do not troll. this is very important for me.
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post #2 of 17 (permalink) Old 03-12-2019, 12:55 PM Thread Starter
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i thought this would get 34 replies by now
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post #3 of 17 (permalink) Old 03-12-2019, 01:43 PM
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This is great news. They say that simple talking helps a lot so hopefully both of you can feel able to confide in things. They say that just knowing that it's "not just you" is a help too.

As for the friend thing, I suppose just keep talking to the person. I wouldn't ask direct "are we friends" just because that's just a slightly odd thing to ask. It's kind of an unasked question. Just keep the positive interactions going and maybe some time ahead you could say something like want to meet up for a coffee\meal\drink after work one day or weekend etc. I'm glad that this is something that's made you feel better.

There's someone at my work who deffo suffers a lot of issues. I half suspect she has BPD either bipolar or borderline. but she's not very approachable even though in the past she did tell me something of her problems and then start crying. I tried to advise her. But most of the time she's silent, distant, rude or whatever. I don't think she's really liked very much and she's always making excuses not to come to work. I think that because she has these issues which are mentally hers, I think because of the anguish she's going through that this " justifies" her not-niceness to everyone else as if it's like " I hate the world. It's the worlds fault I feel crap". I think that might be what's going on and why she's horrible. Then 1% of the time she's actually laughey or friendly? Ugh. I hate that because I'm always the same. I don't ever blow hot and cold like that with anyone.

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post #4 of 17 (permalink) Old 03-12-2019, 05:12 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by KILOBRAVO View Post
This is great news. They say that simple talking helps a lot so hopefully both of you can feel able to confide in things. They say that just knowing that it's "not just you" is a help too.

As for the friend thing, I suppose just keep talking to the person. I wouldn't ask direct "are we friends" just because that's just a slightly odd thing to ask. It's kind of an unasked question. Just keep the positive interactions going and maybe some time ahead you could say something like want to meet up for a coffee\meal\drink after work one day or weekend etc. I'm glad that this is something that's made you feel better.
Thanks for the advice.

they was helping me with a specific situation that we're both dealing with and it was incredibly helpful to be able to talk to someone IRL in such a similar situation, but i regret that i couldn't show my gratitude enough (emotional suppression from SA).
and to be honest i wanted the talk to be more visibly emotional but we were both trying to contain ourselves heh.

I have been going thru so many emotions after work today. I have never felt something like this before. it is joyous and terrible and beautiful.

My paranoia keeps me from completely trusting them, but if they aren't genuine, they sure is an incredible actor
I really want to believe this person is not one of those manipulators.


,,, I am way more than slightly odd so that isn't an argument that can be used against me. But i know what you mean
i'll just try and chill... or something... i just feel weird anyway since CoworkerPerson has friends AND lovelife and whatnot while i have none of those things; i feel quite inferior.

Quote:

There's someone at my work who deffo suffers a lot of issues. I half suspect she has BPD either bipolar or borderline. but she's not very approachable even though in the past she did tell me something of her problems and then start crying. I tried to advise her. But most of the time she's silent, distant, rude or whatever. I don't think she's really liked very much and she's always making excuses not to come to work. I think that because she has these issues which are mentally hers, I think because of the anguish she's going through that this " justifies" her not-niceness to everyone else as if it's like " I hate the world. It's the worlds fault I feel crap". I think that might be what's going on and why she's horrible. Then 1% of the time she's actually laughey or friendly? Ugh. I hate that because I'm always the same. I don't ever blow hot and cold like that with anyone.
this is very unfortunate actually. i had a similar colleague briefly. I can sympathise with hating the world, VERY MUCH SO. but i try to be as nice as possible.... because it's nice to be nice. just be nice, for real.
one can choose to keep to oneself and not interact much - but to be rude or obnoxious or toxic in some way doesn't help either party.
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post #5 of 17 (permalink) Old 03-12-2019, 05:30 PM
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Why 34 ?






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post #6 of 17 (permalink) Old 03-12-2019, 09:56 PM Thread Starter
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Why 34 ?
Huh
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post #7 of 17 (permalink) Old 03-12-2019, 10:29 PM
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Before you know it, you'll have so many friends you won't know what to do with them all.
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post #8 of 17 (permalink) Old 03-14-2019, 02:33 PM Thread Starter
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huh
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post #9 of 17 (permalink) Old 03-14-2019, 03:20 PM
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Some opinion ahead > You could do small acknowledgements, such as saying "hi" to this coworker when you bump into them for the first time that day, or "welcome back" if they haven't been in for a while due to holidays/sickness. You could also exchange small chat at the watercooler/kettle if you have such facilities at work. "So, how have you been?", or "How has your week been?" works fine, because they can choose to say "fine, thanks", or they might choose to share some detail about their life, it's up to them. If they seem responsive, you can take this further by having longer conversations, but make sure to cover subjects other than mental health as well.

What I mean is, take it easy, that's the safe option. OR: You can be direct, and I think it's cool when people are direct, but it's a risk. No one here will be able to tell you whether that's a risk worth taking. You need to be able to read your coworker and decide that a direct approach would work with them. Then you can go with your "so, are we friends, or...?".

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post #10 of 17 (permalink) Old 03-14-2019, 04:04 PM
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Just be careful as to what specifics you end up telling them about your said-illnesses. While you could have someone to commonly talk to and refer as friends, at the end of the day the fact that you're coworkers will overrule if anything were to go wrong.
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post #11 of 17 (permalink) Old 03-14-2019, 04:07 PM
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Yeah, just take it easy at the beginning and don't give too many high fives.
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post #12 of 17 (permalink) Old 03-14-2019, 08:29 PM
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I don't think I could ever do something like this... but it seems that you have trust in your immediate coworkers so that's good
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post #13 of 17 (permalink) Old 03-15-2019, 04:09 AM Thread Starter
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i would have never opened up if Coworker wasn't clearly showing signs of mental distress from day 1.
I felt like the risk of spilling my own guts would be minimal, basically.

Quote:
Originally Posted by rabidfoxes View Post

What I mean is, take it easy, that's the safe option. OR: You can be direct, and I think it's cool when people are direct, but it's a risk. No one here will be able to tell you whether that's a risk worth taking. You need to be able to read your coworker and decide that a direct approach would work with them. Then you can go with your "so, are we friends, or...?".
perfect, thank you.

this person is pretty direct so that's good. i hate it when people beat around the bush. but i will be cautious as well, you can never know for sure if a person REALLY has your back or is just collecting ammo to be able to throw you under the bus at an opportune moment, heh.


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Just be careful as to what specifics you end up telling them about your said-illnesses. While you could have someone to commonly talk to and refer as friends, at the end of the day the fact that you're coworkers will overrule if anything were to go wrong.
thanks

see above , but yeah i am being as vague as i can. they are too, in fact

they didn't mention having SA until i blurted out that i have SA, so yeah i guess we're both kind of testing the waters.


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Yeah, just take it easy at the beginning and don't give too many high fives.
see above

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I don't think I could ever do something like this... but it seems that you have trust in your immediate coworkers so that's good
see above
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post #14 of 17 (permalink) Old 03-15-2019, 04:24 AM
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Well, "spiiling your guts" to casual acquaintances might be kind of a good pressure release valve but it could also kind of be self sabotage in the long run because even decent people can be unpredictable and tend not to have other people's privacy as high on their priority list as their own. In short, if this person is an extrovert, they're going to tend to do what extroverts do. Extroverts have to always be blabbing and if you tell them potentially embarrassing things about yourself they might very well blab about it. Not necessarily meaning to hurt you but just because they don't have the sensitivity about it that you might hope they do.

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post #15 of 17 (permalink) Old 03-15-2019, 04:39 AM
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Why 34 ?
....Ah nothing I just thought why exactly 34 replies, random, yes what Dave said be very careful revealing to many fears or weaknesses to people unless you know them very well, from my experience alot of people can be 2 faced & use those weaknesse's against you in the long run.






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post #16 of 17 (permalink) Old 03-15-2019, 01:25 PM Thread Starter
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oh and yeah https://www.socialanxietysupport.com...post1093649299
" i am terrified of breaking the coworker-friend barrier and of course i have trust issues in general so yeah."


Quote:
Originally Posted by WillYouStopDave View Post
Well, "spiiling your guts" to casual acquaintances might be kind of a good pressure release valve but it could also kind of be self sabotage in the long run because even decent people can be unpredictable and tend not to have other people's privacy as high on their priority list as their own. In short, if this person is an extrovert, they're going to tend to do what extroverts do. Extroverts have to always be blabbing and if you tell them potentially embarrassing things about yourself they might very well blab about it. Not necessarily meaning to hurt you but just because they don't have the sensitivity about it that you might hope they do.
i don't get blab-type extrovert vibes from them i think...

however i did say "if you scratch my back i will scratch yours". hopefully my message came across.

appreciate the input tho, it's worth repeating.



Quote:
Originally Posted by blue2 View Post
....Ah nothing I just thought why exactly 34 replies, random, yes what Dave said be very careful revealing to many fears or weaknesses to people unless you know them very well, from my experience alot of people can be 2 faced & use those weaknesse's against you in the long run.
34 is a funny number

appreciate the input , it's worth repeating.


there's another coworker who's trying to know stuff about me tho, i've said a little bit but i have already seen plenty situations where that person didn't care at all about people's privacy so yeah i won't try any bonding with that person.
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post #17 of 17 (permalink) Old 03-18-2019, 10:53 AM Thread Starter
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Loool this coworker is so fluckin hot and cold it scares me

First half of today I helped them out with work stuff, second half I was completely ignored. Scary turn of events lol
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EDIT:
nvm it's just me being too needy apparently
and also people promising things they can't keep (not really a biggie, but this kinda shxt really grinds my gears)
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