Hello everyone,
I never actually opened a thread but now I feel like it could help me at this time. I'll try not to be too expansive.

I always was too sensitive, too anxious, introverted, had lots of familial issues (also, mental issues run in the family), relatives got health problems, and social ones too because of being too different, got breakdowns, always huge panic attacks, an a burn out. I also am an 'atheist" in a muslim family. My grandma who i used to be around a lot died few months ago, which I guess rushed everything (the depression supposedly was here for 2 years).

But what brought me here is that since few months I feel on edge, as if I'm about to loose control of my mind, and i'm frightened, and i don't see the end of it, some of the major concerns i get are about this:

-I have automatic thoughts and images that are flowing at night, which often makes non-sense or that I can't remember (the back of a car, someone getting off a bus..). Last time I woke up feeling like a ball hit my head, i made the movement and heard the sound.

- I often have really strong panic attacks at night and irrational fears (that my heart could stop beating)

-But most importantly I feel constantly in a dream, like a spectator in a theater. And sometimes it get incredibly intense, like suddenly feeling kind of tingling in my skull and feeling extremely confused, lost, as if everything goes fast and slow at the same time, as if my brain gets dizzy, almost loosing control. And I gets really scared, thinking people notice it, and have to escape (or call my mom). Which makes me cry a lot. It happened few hours before.

-Over-analyzing everything, being too aware (linked to the previous spectator thing)

- Constant strange thoughts, like sometimes thinking "can you realize that you are on a tiny globe in the middle of nowhere", "you are going to disappear at some point", same with looking at the stars, the sky or the moon. Sometimes the sky appears as if it was some king of movie set (as the movie the truman show)

I got to see a therapist who told me it seems like I have depression and anxiety (which seems to me might be different from what happens to me??) and have an appointment in some young adult psychiatrist center.

I feel totally absent, dull, too emotional and at the same time like a zombie, i still am functional, eat well try to go out(derealization doesnt help but i force myself), and be social...
I don't really know what to ask about that but for example, do you think this could only be signs of depression or more? Every comment would be welcome, I finally admit that i need help.

Thanks for reading, it helped to express myself.

I'm no psychiatrist so take what I say with a grain of salt, but sounds like OCD and maybe a dissociative disorder from my limited knowledge of psychology. The automatic thoughts and images and phobias strongly suggest OCD.
Make sure you go to the psychiatrist appointment you scheduled. They can help get you the help you need.
I'm not saying you have any of these, just weighing in my opinion :/ I really hope you do better, feel free to PM or VM me if you want any help or someone to talk to

Deep thinker? I'm a deep thinker too. We can't stop the thought coming into our minds but it's about what we do with them. Remember that they're just thoughts. You can control them before they control you. Try thought stopping or thought flooding techniques, you might have to experiment with what works better.

Wow I can relate so much to the dissociative disorder, and ocd also could be a good hint. I think i will talk about this for them to give me their opinion. Thank you for taking the time to reply, and for your kind words
I'm scared as the psychologist don't seem so acute, e.g she didn't understand when i told her "derealisation". Hopefully the psychiatrist could help.

Yes, I could enjoy it but I don't know why it scares me now, it got overwhelming to be too aware, going too deep; I will try to put that in my head, thank you!
About the techniques, I always try to stop the thoughts (usually just telling myself to shut up), it works in the moment but the thoughts are coming back later anyway, never heard of thought flooding technique, i will search more about it

Thank you so much for your helpful words

Your post could describe me.

Your therapist pisses me off though, which is partly why I am reluctant to see one.

They are so inept, they just shuffle you in, quickly diagnose you with generic anxiety and depression, and send you on your way, with a bill.

Like a poster above, I also immediately thought of OCD and dissassociation as co- morbid disorders to your anxiety.

Point is, if two random posters on the internet with limited or no psych education can come to the same conclusion, what does that schmuck get paid to do??

They get paid to WRITE PRESCRIPTIONS, or shuffle you off to someone who can. It would be better if they just put everyone with anxiety on a factory conveyor belt, built a machine that is capable of quickly removing the money from your pocket, and send you down the line to wherever. It would be just as effective.

yeah i know what you mean i overanalyze **** also p often imo i have ocd and anxiety

Don't take this for a fact, because I'm not a medical expert !
I would diagnose you with depersonalization, social anxiety, depression.

Hope you feel better.

oh, and panic attack disorder

I couldn't have put it better, you made me pissed at her now hahah.
I also have never trusted psychologists and that's probably the reason it got out of control.

Thank you so much, and I hope it will also get better for you

Haha, I mean, I'm all for supporting the economy, but you know, I'd also like to get over my problems too! XD

You're welcome. I hope things improve for you too Update us here how it's going!

No problem. Feel free to message me any time.

Thank you for your support, it really helps!

Hello!

I thought I would made an update for the people who tried to help me (and the ones who can relate to this), I finally went to the center which was a huge help.

I got to see a psychiatrist who first prescribed me Xanax (0,25) to help with the intrusive thoughts and DP/DR thing, apparently what happens to me is linked to anxiety (even if im still a bit skeptical about if it is or not the only thing). So now got almost away, no panick attack, less intrusive thoughts. Deep thinking is part of me so it's not away but not as deep as before (which was twisting my brain haha). The big progress is that i'm not absent anymore, I used to live in my head which was hard to deal with.

But I was still in distress, I had lots of suicidal thoughts and no hope in anything, no plans, no nothing..

So she added antidepressants (Seroplex 10mg), which was a bit tiring at first: slept all day long, no appetite, nausea but made these thoughts fade.

Even if i am very unstable and tired most of the time, now I can say that I feel way better than when I posted this, also with the help of my family and some friends. I also got to go to group meetings once a week and an activity group also once (still seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist at the same time). I hope that medications are not putting the problem underneath the carpet.

I failed my year but these days i'm trying to get a rhythm to get back on my feet.

Thank you very much for you to have helped me when I was at my worst. And for the ones who experience this, don't bother asking me questions