I'm way too attached to my girlfriend, I hate it and need it stop. - Page 3 - Social Anxiety Forum
Reply
 
Thread Tools
post #41 of 58 (permalink) Old 05-15-2014, 09:12 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Earth
Gender: Male
Age: 31
Posts: 239
It's not easy. I think one of the biggest things is just accepting the fact that she has 100% free will to leave the relationship at any time same as you, and that if you guys break up it's not the end of the world even though it might hurt like hell.

It's all about your underlying motivations. Ask yourself if you guys are together because you want to be or because you're lonely, insecure, or need validation from the opposite sex to feel better about yourself.

Could you lose this girl and continue living? If not then your being motivated by fear, insecurity, and anxiety NOT love.
Randomguy555 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #42 of 58 (permalink) Old 01-02-2015, 04:30 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1

ok


So I'm not going in depth unless someone asks, 6 months ago I met this girl we were dating in a week I moved 2 hours away to stay with her at her parents after a month, abandoned my old life and were looking for an apartment. The transition has been hard, my entire life changed over night. All my family and friends may as well not exist anymore. The anxiety from all of the changes has left me reliant on her since she was and is my only friend/person I talk to. I know its unhealthy and I'm aware of why I'm feeling attachment and anxiety issues, I just need to know what I'm supposed to do to fix it. I know I'm not going to like the answer and ots going to be hard but she feels my anxiety, she's an empath, so I really need to get this squashed, she's having trouble enjoying things she does alone. I don't want her to los. Herself just because I lost myself, so where do I start? I basically have no friends, no hobbies, I work 20-25 hours a week and am looking for a second job. Fingers crossed someone replies with some insight, thanks and thanks anyways in advance
SneakyHippie is offline  
post #43 of 58 (permalink) Old 01-04-2015, 12:20 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 12
Do you ever find out why she didn't text you that one day?
artistic is offline  
post #44 of 58 (permalink) Old 01-04-2015, 04:32 AM
Nothing
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 790
My Mood: Happy
Yes im far too needy as well. It sucks a.ss. Im working on this.
Nothing123 is offline  
post #45 of 58 (permalink) Old 01-04-2015, 05:05 PM
SAS Member
 
jquinn914's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Age: 27
Posts: 4
When you are unhappy/depressed and look forward to nothing else, it can cause a relationship to sour. Your girl/guy becomes more of a drug than anything, to the point where one has cravings for one's presence/attention and every minute a text isn't received/responded you feel their absense and, in turn, the emptyness within you. I once thought this was love.
jquinn914 is offline  
post #46 of 58 (permalink) Old 01-27-2015, 04:31 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 2
I'm so glad I found this avenue to get my feelings out.... I feel the exact same way....
Me and my girlfriend has been together for 3 years. But this attachment feeling only started happening like in august. I need it to stop! I always wrote it off like my feelings were just really intense love. But is it possible to have these feelings come down and still love her just the same? Because I know I love her and I'm in love with her, but this anxiety is masking it as something thats driven more by fear and lack of validation than true love.
I just dont understand and I need help...
redsousa11 is offline  
post #47 of 58 (permalink) Old 01-27-2015, 09:19 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1
Been reading through this message thread. Good Stuff and it has helped me to see that I'm not alone in this. This is the first time I've posted in a forum like this so bare with me. I got divorced about 8 months ago, but found a great girl a couple months later. We had a great summer, but I started getting feelings of anxiety when she didn't text me back. This Fall, she started distancing herself and asked to slow things down. She has not had good luck in relationships in the past. Now I've almost gone into panic attacks think she might not what to be around me anymore. She says that she is just going through a period of wanting a lot of alone time, but it is causing me major anxiety.

Has anyone had a similar experience with a girl needing space to deal with her own stuff but you feel stressed?
HoodClimber is offline  
post #48 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-10-2015, 08:55 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1
I just read through this entire thread, and it prompted me to join.

I feel like I am going through the same feelings as you, hoodclimber. I have been with my girlfriend for nearly two years, and she seems to have come to this new sort of place recently, where she is wanting more time to herself. There are less texts from her, she decided to not go on a vacation with me that we had planned on, etc.

I am not jealous, or worried about her seeing or talking to anyone else. And I actually do feel like our relationship is still good for the most part. But I am still dealing with the feelings of anxiety and worry, and I am constantly trying to keep my emotions in check. I'm always checking my phone, hoping for a reassuring, loving text, to the point of obsession.

I have been hurt in the past, and I feel that I get very dependent on my girlfriend - as the source of almost all happiness and contentment in life. And I know that this is very unhealthy behavior.

If anyone has any practical advice on how to approach these feelings on a day to day basis, that would be so appreciated. This is a great resource for people going through stuff, and it's great to know that there are others out there that feel the same way - because sometimes it seems like every other guy out there is so much more capable of just detaching, and just dealing with things as they come.

Thanks to all of you.
maxmonroe is offline  
post #49 of 58 (permalink) Old 11-19-2015, 10:55 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 8
I just came across this post while googling the fact that I get so much anxiety when I am away from my girl friend. No matter if it's. Day or a week. We live together but sometimes I get anxious just to get home from work to see her. Or when she is a way or out with friends I worry about her, I feel issues in my past are causing this anxiety. I just do not know what to do. I don't really have any friends to hang out with she is the closest person to me. I know she loves me but I feel like I need to be constantly reassured that she does. And when we are together I feel like that is reassurance. I am driving her and myself crazy with this anxiety! I also get anxious when she wants to go hang out with her friends. I worry they won't like me. And I want her to myself.. It's weird and creepy in my own opinion but I do t know what to do. Any suggestions, I'm going to try and make friends but that's not exactly easy for me
Confidential1989 is offline  
post #50 of 58 (permalink) Old 11-21-2015, 06:03 PM
SAS Member
 
skyisblue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Kansas
Gender: Male
Age: 35
Posts: 576
People may hate me for saying this but I would recommend getting more friends and chilling with them. It will make you seem more attractive to women because you will have a social life.

I would also recommend serial dating. This way you don't get attached to one girl so easily.

Just recommendations, don't kill me. Thanks.
skyisblue is offline  
post #51 of 58 (permalink) Old 11-22-2015, 08:52 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 1
i get attached to people way too fast. i can talk to someone once and i automatically want them to talk to me all the time. like i want them to talk to me everyday, want them to respond to me within 3 minutes. When they don't i feel sad and empty, and i just want them to talk to me all the time. i want them to give me all their attention all the time. when they're not talking to me i feel like something is missing, and when they are talking to me i feel so happy. i just ugh. i don't like getting attached to people so easily and so fast. like i literally obsess about them when they're not talking to me and i always feel like i did something wrong for them to stop talking to me. i have no idea why i'm like this, and i don't like it at all.
idkxlexi is offline  
post #52 of 58 (permalink) Old 11-25-2015, 10:38 PM
SAS Member
 
Swagonite's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Hawaii
Gender: Male
Age: 28
Posts: 648
My Mood: Cheerful
good posts in this thread I will bookmark this and return to reading these pages when I'm feeling days of insecurity and jealous with my GF. Must stay calm and cool

Whatever it takes.. this is what I want. I will bring it to life. When you have commited to do whatever it takes then you by definition are unstoppable
Swagonite is offline  
post #53 of 58 (permalink) Old 11-26-2015, 09:33 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 4,938
Quote:
Originally Posted by idkxlexi View Post
i get attached to people way too fast. i can talk to someone once and i automatically want them to talk to me all the time. like i want them to talk to me everyday, want them to respond to me within 3 minutes. When they don't i feel sad and empty, and i just want them to talk to me all the time. i want them to give me all their attention all the time. when they're not talking to me i feel like something is missing, and when they are talking to me i feel so happy. i just ugh. i don't like getting attached to people so easily and so fast. like i literally obsess about them when they're not talking to me and i always feel like i did something wrong for them to stop talking to me. i have no idea why i'm like this, and i don't like it at all.
I'm exactly the same way. It's the woooooorst.
lisbeth is offline  
post #54 of 58 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 11:39 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 1
It's really good to know I'm not the only one. I think one of the biggest problems we suffer from is not feeling the same level of undivided and unwavering love returned. It is pretty intense but it comes easily to us to feel so strongly. Sometimes we forget some people don't have the capability because they don't have the need.
Woundedworrier is offline  
post #55 of 58 (permalink) Old 07-31-2017, 06:09 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 1
Hi all. I know I am many years late, but I guess these problems pop up for us all, no matter when.
I read everything posted here, and know that I am not alone. Been with my girlfriend for 18 months, but in the last 2 I have gotten so needy, clingy, insecure and anxious! She hasn't really given me a reason to be, except for getting a bit distant for a month or so. And we discussed it at length. All is good. So why do I stress when she doesn't text me 20 minutes after telling me she loves me? This has to stop. For the record, I have not let her see this side of me. For the most part. But the pain has to stop!

I hope all of you who came before me are at peace now!
Whyme1212 is offline  
post #56 of 58 (permalink) Old 07-31-2017, 07:11 AM
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Australia
Gender: Male
Age: 20
Posts: 10,185
My Mood: Amazed
I used to get really attached to people, it can be hard. Try making more friends in real life or online. Not only can you make friends this way, but you will be bound to lose a lot of "friends" that you make. This sort of makes you less sensitive over time, and you become less clingy. God knows i used to be so clingy lol, even kids online i would think about them and be eager to talk to them. Nowadays i am nowhere near as clingy, just enough to the point of being sensitive enough to understand other people's needs and to invest a large amount of emotions into someone. But if they leave me or if they are somehow no longer in my life, then it doesnt really affect me much. Not that they arent important, it is good to be attached to people to some extent, but you shouldnt make your whole world and all your emotions and every thought revolve around them.
sad1231234 is offline  
post #57 of 58 (permalink) Old 07-31-2017, 06:17 PM
SAS Deity
 
neonknight77's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Somewhere out there in the vast nothingness of space
Gender: Male
Age: 26
Posts: 340
My Mood: Daring
This is a major problem and I am happy you at least made yourself aware of it.

Don't become more dependent on her than yourself.

-If you are replying to something I wrote, please make sure to quote me
-I take personal messages. PM me if you want to chat.

"If I have told you earthly things and you do not believe, how can you believe if I tell you heavenly things?" - John 3:12
neonknight77 is offline  
post #58 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-28-2018, 04:12 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 5

2018


It's a little upsetting that this was all back in 2012 and who knows if anyone uses this or even looks.
I came across this because a lot of things have happened in my four year relationship that I'm now looking to help myself as best I can. So I google "why am i so attached to her" it started with 'him" but i then changed it when I kept coming across things that weren't helpful. On top of that I wanted to read about males being too attached; I feel like females might naturally be needy. I am a female and just like the op, I feel if not for a better word "obsessed" with my partner of four years. A lot of things have happened between me and him, so much so that after living with each other for 3 years, we both now have separated places to live.
There was a time about two years ago when I felt like I wanted to break up because I had no longer physically wanted him. I sound awful but the reason why I bring that up is because I was at a point where I wasn't attracted to him, to now two more years later I can't be without him. Today is the day that we're supposed to spend separated but I asked to come over. He said yes this morning. But the things is I almost feel depressed on these days. I live alone and have no family or friends in the state to see or pass the time with. I'm sure that doesn't help but reason for saying that was that I don't speak. i sometimes talk to my cat (like a normal person; he likes to meow a lot so i just ask "what is it" things of the sort lol sorry) I typically sit in silence, or i'll stay in bed all day, I won't eat. So thinking about those things makes me feel like that's not totally normal or healthy.
I love him but I lost a lot of my trust in him, which is why I now try to help myself without involving him. Plus Ive tried to explain to him how i feel but he only makes me feel worse about it because he wont do anything to help me feel better anymore. If I ask him to spend an extra night with me, he'll get upset I'm asking him. Its sound bias but we both have our sides of the story. Mine is just this one.
Point of everything is that I too am too attached to him and it's hurting me. I don't want to be this close. I don't want to need someone. I don't want to be dependent. I don't want him to be my source of happiness.
Or it's more like I do want to be this close, its just I want to feel safe wanting him.

Thank you. I know its a little pathetic but, I wanted to let it be out there.. maybe someone can help me.
fireballs13 is offline  
Reply

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
I cant stop facebook stalking. I hate myself for it Lenfer cest les autres Frustration 23 03-06-2015 11:57 AM
I hate being alone,but i cant stop being alone MichaelJoseph The First Step 6 06-04-2012 02:55 PM
Becoming too attached ShyViolet Frustration 4 10-15-2011 06:19 PM
ugh... I hate boys and getting attached to them... Ames105 Relationships 4 04-11-2007 01:09 AM
I hate myself and I'm not so sure I should stop. noregrets Secondary Disorders 13 03-16-2007 08:47 AM

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome