I have a very rare, undiscovered disorder - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 18 (permalink) Old 02-28-2015, 06:16 PM Thread Starter
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I have a very rare, undiscovered disorder


I will try my absolute hardest to articulate this problem I have. I can't put into words exactly what the problem is or how it started but I can express the general idea. Please read and try to sympathize with me as the problem is getting so bad I feel like leaving my country (although I do have other problems that contribute to me wanting to leave my country, what I'm about to type to you is growing worse and worse and is also a factor). This is the first time I'm sharing this with "anybody".

About a year ago I was leasing houses for a property management company. I posted adds on craigslist and on any work day I would get about 5-15 phone calls and about 2-3 appointments, showing houses and getting lease contracts signed. During this time I was under an extreme amount of general anxiety and low self esteem, but to my fault I kept going and interacting with people (hence the low self esteem). I was learning something about myself and about human interaction, aka social skills. I learned that in any interaction between between a human and a human, something called our lizard brain or monkey brain, is always at work. There is always a subcommunication within our lizard or animal brain; and one person is "dominating", and the other person is "submitting". Or the other way around, which ever. The thing I learned about my self is; I'm a submissive person by nature (most likely nurture), and that is how I carry on an interaction. It's how I survive, its how I make friends, its the reason why people are able to like me. I submit, or my lizard brain submits. Whatever. I spoke like this with every person I came into contact with, "submitting" and making it very obvious even in my body language. I had to "lower" myself, and that is how I was leasing houses, getting contracts signed, and making a check. So I kept doing it. Because it worked. Regardless of I how i felt about my self. Now, this is where my main problem comes in, why I'm typing this to you. There was a ethnic group of people, I'll call them group X, whom I came into contact with very often. Not all of them obviously, because each human is different, but it was very common or happened so often, that certain people from group X I couldn't "submit" to. In our lizard brain, human to human, monkey interaction, I couldn't "submit" to a large quantity of people from group X. There was something about their personality or just the way they were, they couldn't "control" me or be the "dominating" person in the interaction. It was like a wall. I was trying and trying, to go "under", in my body language in my animal brain, but I couldn't (or the way there made just wouldn't allow it). There was so many of them that I couldn't "submit" to. The only way I can describe it is.. a wall. They couldn't control me, or be the dominating person in the interaction. After a few months, something happened in my body or my brain, physiologically. This is the part where it gets confusing for me but ill try to articulate and explain to the best of my abilities. Please bare with me. Physiologically speaking, I could feel something in my chest, right around my heart, something caving in? Something in my body, literally, something went from inside out to outside in (this is how it feels like anyway). It was a feeling in my chest. This "change" was probably connected to my brain, something very very deep inside. A part of my brain I can only assume is responsible for anxiety and fear. Sometimes a derogatory term for group X gets shouted in the back of my mind. I'm not crazy, I'm not schitzo. This term gets shouted in the back of my mind, and my chest takes a breath. Now, if I were to purposely, in the back of my mind shout something negative or bad about, say, another person, it doesn't even have to be bad or anything to do with race, it can be that person smells, and again my chest will take a breath. But I know, somewhere deep in my brain, when I say "that person smells" and my chest takes a breath, my chest is taking a breath out of sympathy. Out of the fact that its not true. When my brain shouts something in the back of my mind for the derogatory term for group X, my breath takes a breath. But not because of sympathy, but because somewhere deep inside I'm telling myself, "that's true". And I'm taking the breath more because I feel bad I'm telling myself "its true". By chest is breathing at opposite things for group X then for another person. Fast forward a few months, when I make eye contact with people from group X, my eyes are jumping forward. My body language, my lizard brain, everything is off. Its the total OPPOSITE to how I communicate in a civilized society. I sometimes get the fear that if I look at a member of group X with my eyes jumping forward, or the wrong body language, there going to attack me. And in essence, I am giving them the wrong vibe. Its like a switch in my monkey brain that turns on every time I interact with someone from group X; and its threatening. To the core. Now people every time I interact with someone from group X, they get this guilt. Some of them get angry and some of them feel guilty (they feel their people did this to me). Either way, it eats me up inside I'm making people of group X feel this way. And I cannot, like how I'v been explain, CANNOT interact with people of group X in a civilized manner. Literally. The threatened, lizard brain in my brain gets activated whenever I see someone or talk to someone of group X. It is INSTANTANEOUS. It's messed up, because I cannot live in my society like this. I don't know if its possible for a cure, or exposure therapy. This problem is lodged so far deep in my brain... How can there be a cure? Only God knows my conscience. Only God knows how I feel about this. Because even when I typed that sentence, something in the back of my mind whispered "no you don't feel bad about this". PLEASE ****ING HELP ME.
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post #2 of 18 (permalink) Old 03-01-2015, 08:32 PM Thread Starter
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post #3 of 18 (permalink) Old 03-01-2015, 08:56 PM
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post #4 of 18 (permalink) Old 03-01-2015, 09:30 PM
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Sounds like a phobic response to me. I imagine it would have to be treated the same way you treat any other kind of phobia.

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post #5 of 18 (permalink) Old 03-02-2015, 12:46 AM
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post #6 of 18 (permalink) Old 03-02-2015, 10:56 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GreenOnion View Post
I will try my absolute hardest to articulate this problem I have. I can't put into words exactly what the problem is or how it started but I can express the general idea. Please read and try to sympathize with me as the problem is getting so bad I feel like leaving my country (although I do have other problems that contribute to me wanting to leave my country, what I'm about to type to you is growing worse and worse and is also a factor). This is the first time I'm sharing this with "anybody".

About a year ago I was leasing houses for a property management company. I posted adds on craigslist and on any work day I would get about 5-15 phone calls and about 2-3 appointments, showing houses and getting lease contracts signed. During this time I was under an extreme amount of general anxiety and low self esteem, but to my fault I kept going and interacting with people (hence the low self esteem). I was learning something about myself and about human interaction, aka social skills. I learned that in any interaction between between a human and a human, something called our lizard brain or monkey brain, is always at work. There is always a subcommunication within our lizard or animal brain; and one person is "dominating", and the other person is "submitting". Or the other way around, which ever. The thing I learned about my self is; I'm a submissive person by nature (most likely nurture), and that is how I carry on an interaction. It's how I survive, its how I make friends, its the reason why people are able to like me. I submit, or my lizard brain submits. Whatever. I spoke like this with every person I came into contact with, "submitting" and making it very obvious even in my body language. I had to "lower" myself, and that is how I was leasing houses, getting contracts signed, and making a check. So I kept doing it. Because it worked. Regardless of I how i felt about my self. Now, this is where my main problem comes in, why I'm typing this to you. There was a ethnic group of people, I'll call them group X, whom I came into contact with very often. Not all of them obviously, because each human is different, but it was very common or happened so often, that certain people from group X I couldn't "submit" to. In our lizard brain, human to human, monkey interaction, I couldn't "submit" to a large quantity of people from group X. There was something about their personality or just the way they were, they couldn't "control" me or be the "dominating" person in the interaction. It was like a wall. I was trying and trying, to go "under", in my body language in my animal brain, but I couldn't (or the way there made just wouldn't allow it). There was so many of them that I couldn't "submit" to. The only way I can describe it is.. a wall. They couldn't control me, or be the dominating person in the interaction. After a few months, something happened in my body or my brain, physiologically. This is the part where it gets confusing for me but ill try to articulate and explain to the best of my abilities. Please bare with me. Physiologically speaking, I could feel something in my chest, right around my heart, something caving in? Something in my body, literally, something went from inside out to outside in (this is how it feels like anyway). It was a feeling in my chest. This "change" was probably connected to my brain, something very very deep inside. A part of my brain I can only assume is responsible for anxiety and fear. Sometimes a derogatory term for group X gets shouted in the back of my mind. I'm not crazy, I'm not schitzo. This term gets shouted in the back of my mind, and my chest takes a breath. Now, if I were to purposely, in the back of my mind shout something negative or bad about, say, another person, it doesn't even have to be bad or anything to do with race, it can be that person smells, and again my chest will take a breath. But I know, somewhere deep in my brain, when I say "that person smells" and my chest takes a breath, my chest is taking a breath out of sympathy. Out of the fact that its not true. When my brain shouts something in the back of my mind for the derogatory term for group X, my breath takes a breath. But not because of sympathy, but because somewhere deep inside I'm telling myself, "that's true". And I'm taking the breath more because I feel bad I'm telling myself "its true". By chest is breathing at opposite things for group X then for another person. Fast forward a few months, when I make eye contact with people from group X, my eyes are jumping forward. My body language, my lizard brain, everything is off. Its the total OPPOSITE to how I communicate in a civilized society. I sometimes get the fear that if I look at a member of group X with my eyes jumping forward, or the wrong body language, there going to attack me. And in essence, I am giving them the wrong vibe. Its like a switch in my monkey brain that turns on every time I interact with someone from group X; and its threatening. To the core. Now people every time I interact with someone from group X, they get this guilt. Some of them get angry and some of them feel guilty (they feel their people did this to me). Either way, it eats me up inside I'm making people of group X feel this way. And I cannot, like how I'v been explain, CANNOT interact with people of group X in a civilized manner. Literally. The threatened, lizard brain in my brain gets activated whenever I see someone or talk to someone of group X. It is INSTANTANEOUS. It's messed up, because I cannot live in my society like this. I don't know if its possible for a cure, or exposure therapy. This problem is lodged so far deep in my brain... How can there be a cure? Only God knows my conscience. Only God knows how I feel about this. Because even when I typed that sentence, something in the back of my mind whispered "no you don't feel bad about this". PLEASE ****ING HELP ME.
Man it's just too much to read, try to compress it a bit. No one will read anything this long
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post #7 of 18 (permalink) Old 03-02-2015, 12:52 PM
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OP, as others have pointed out, your post is nearly impossible to read.

Summarize it a bit and use paragraphs
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post #8 of 18 (permalink) Old 03-02-2015, 01:19 PM
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I didn't think that it was hard to read.

I think that you need to see a doctor soon OP. It seems to me to be a little further on than a phobic response.
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post #9 of 18 (permalink) Old 03-02-2015, 01:21 PM
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I'm honestly confused here. The paragraph was so long I just started skim reading every 5 or 10 lines. Reading through somewhat of it, I honestly have no idea what you're talking about. Using words like lizard brain and monkey brain, it feels like something someone with schizophrenia would post, no offense. I guarantee anything you feel that is not right, is just a symptom of anxiety, worrying, fear, phobias, or something along those lines. I think you're just caught up in bizarre thinking.

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post #10 of 18 (permalink) Old 03-02-2015, 07:23 PM
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If anyone wants to help the OP I've sumarized what he said from my understanding.(Yeah I read it all :/)

-OP believes that in Human x Human interactions one must "Dominate" and the other "Submit"
-OP has lived as someone that "Submit" through all his life, until he started hanging with "Group X"
-OP had problems dealing with "Group X" because most of them wouldn't try to "Dominate" therefore he couldn't "Submit"
-Because of all that he can't interact with people from "Group X"
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post #11 of 18 (permalink) Old 03-02-2015, 10:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ressurection View Post
I'm honestly confused here. The paragraph was so long I just started skim reading every 5 or 10 lines. Reading through somewhat of it, I honestly have no idea what you're talking about. Using words like lizard brain and monkey brain, it feels like something someone with schizophrenia would post, no offense. I guarantee anything you feel that is not right, is just a symptom of anxiety, worrying, fear, phobias, or something along those lines. I think you're just caught up in bizarre thinking.
Actually the term "lizard brain" is pretty common when referring to brain function and psychology. It is the primitive part of the brain that controls basic instincts and behaviors. While it is only the back part of the brain in humans, it is basically the entire brain in lower order animals such as lizards.
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post #12 of 18 (permalink) Old 03-02-2015, 11:09 PM
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OP, I think this may be some sort of anxiety or phobia. Maybe the thoughts you have about Group X are intrusive thoughts. Intrusive thoughts are thoughts that come into your mind involuntarily that are upsetting to you. Basically these kind of thoughts bother you but you cannot control them or stop them. They usually occur in people with depression, ocd or anxiety disorders.

Maybe the feeling in your chest is from a panic attack? I agree with the some of the other people. Definitely see a doctor about this. Sometimes things like this bother us more and more and we can't do anything and need a professional to help.

Best of luck!
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post #13 of 18 (permalink) Old 03-02-2015, 11:33 PM
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Have to admit....I didn't read it.
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post #14 of 18 (permalink) Old 03-02-2015, 11:34 PM
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What's with all the complaints about the formatting? Do people not know how to highlight text to break it into readable chunks?

I have intrusive thoughts and anxiety associated with all my phobias. I thought everyone did. Do people have phobias without these things?

I think all the stuff about lizard brain/monkey brain and dom/sub is just the way he's trying to understand his phobic response. A rationalization. Because people don't really talk about phobias directed to specific groups of people, so there's no conceptual framework. The exaggerated emotional response fits.

The secondary developments sound like a consequence of not being able to avoid the situations that cause the stress. I'm sure I'd start thinking and doing weird things if I had to work some place that was infested with spiders.

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post #15 of 18 (permalink) Old 03-03-2015, 02:03 AM Thread Starter
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Basically my anxiety around a certain ethnic group of people became very, very bad.

just walking past them, or sitting next to them, or talking to them: I would have to try very, very hard to sit still or not make eye contact because my body when "left to function freely" would tick and jerk, very subtle, but with hostility.

And when I made eye contact, my eyes were giving them a "threat response", which was.. I'm going to kill you. I could not, I repeat I could not control this. This is why I avoided eye contact and if I did, I would raise my eye brows full strength to divert the strong eye contact.

Somewhere deep deep deep in my brain I was terrified of them. That's why I kept saying "monkey brain" and "lizard brain" because those are the oldest parts of our brain that are still in existence from millions of years ago.

But I'm cured.

No Dr, no god damn pills, no group therapy. None of that.

I'm in University right now and in my classes, there are many people from that ethnic group, who sit right next to me.

I get to hear them participate in class, sharing their opinions and beliefs on topics of philosophy, religion, and humanities.

It started slowly, but my brain was learning: there's no threat. They're human beings with feelings, failures, beliefs, dreams; just like me. But I get to hear them, I get to see them.

My brain (the lizard brain) slowly began to learn this ethnic group of people are not a threat, and they are my fellow humans.

I'm cured.

Amen.
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post #16 of 18 (permalink) Old 03-03-2015, 10:34 AM
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Originally Posted by feverfew View Post
Actually the term "lizard brain" is pretty common when referring to brain function and psychology. It is the primitive part of the brain that controls basic instincts and behaviors. While it is only the back part of the brain in humans, it is basically the entire brain in lower order animals such as lizards.
I know about that already, but I'm saying he's taking these terminologies and referring to his encounters like he's wild, and animal-like. Instead of using basic psychology terms like anxiety and phobic. Or even panic.
The way he's describing himself seems like something someone paranoid would say. Again, no offense to him though.

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post #17 of 18 (permalink) Old 03-03-2015, 11:12 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BuggingMe View Post
If anyone wants to help the OP I've sumarized what he said from my understanding.(Yeah I read it all :/)

-OP believes that in Human x Human interactions one must "Dominate" and the other "Submit"
-OP has lived as someone that "Submit" through all his life, until he started hanging with "Group X"
-OP had problems dealing with "Group X" because most of them wouldn't try to "Dominate" therefore he couldn't "Submit"
-Because of all that he can't interact with people from "Group X"
Very helpful summary, actually.

Based on that summary, I will say the following:

OP, it is very frequent that one is dominant and the other submits BUT: that is not always the case. In fact, in healthy relationships people should be roughly equal and none should dominate the other. Maybe you just met a bunch of healthy individuals? Carry on socializing with them and see where it takes you.
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post #18 of 18 (permalink) Old 03-03-2015, 11:14 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GreenOnion View Post
Basically my anxiety around a certain ethnic group of people became very, very bad.

just walking past them, or sitting next to them, or talking to them: I would have to try very, very hard to sit still or not make eye contact because my body when "left to function freely" would tick and jerk, very subtle, but with hostility.

And when I made eye contact, my eyes were giving them a "threat response", which was.. I'm going to kill you. I could not, I repeat I could not control this. This is why I avoided eye contact and if I did, I would raise my eye brows full strength to divert the strong eye contact.

Somewhere deep deep deep in my brain I was terrified of them. That's why I kept saying "monkey brain" and "lizard brain" because those are the oldest parts of our brain that are still in existence from millions of years ago.

But I'm cured.

No Dr, no god damn pills, no group therapy. None of that.

I'm in University right now and in my classes, there are many people from that ethnic group, who sit right next to me.

I get to hear them participate in class, sharing their opinions and beliefs on topics of philosophy, religion, and humanities.

It started slowly, but my brain was learning: there's no threat. They're human beings with feelings, failures, beliefs, dreams; just like me. But I get to hear them, I get to see them.

My brain (the lizard brain) slowly began to learn this ethnic group of people are not a threat, and they are my fellow humans.

I'm cured.

Amen.
Sounds good
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