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post #21 of 43 (permalink) Old 01-29-2020, 08:00 PM
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There's more to both of these points. One important issue that hasn't been addressed...Ö.coochie cooties. It's baggage, leakage, and bodily damage. Aversion will lead to abstinence = no trading views of ceiling architecture.
You wouldn't be missing much. Modern ceiling architecture is rather bland. Occasionally you might see a fly on the ceiling. Imagine that. You're on your back with your legs up in the air and the instant of conception is tainted by the searing visual of a fly doing it's business on a flat slab of compressed gypsum.

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post #22 of 43 (permalink) Old 01-29-2020, 08:22 PM
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You wouldn't be missing much. Modern ceiling architecture is rather bland. Occasionally you might see a fly on the ceiling. Imagine that. You're on your back with your legs up in the air and the instant of conception is tainted by the searing visual of a fly doing it's business on a flat slab of compressed gypsum.
Yep, the moment ruined by a creepy crawley and the walley.

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post #23 of 43 (permalink) Old 01-30-2020, 05:16 AM
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It is hard to explain, I don't feel the need to have sex. I am attracted to women, but I don't feel the urge to have sex.

If I talk about sex, I feel uncomfortable, and it is strange.

Is this normal?
Same here. I do kinda look at woman and can be aesthetically attracted to them (very rarely) but I really don't seem to be interested is any sort of sexual interaction with them at all. So I have thought I might be asexual or at least on the spectrum of it. Maybe see if I met the right woman then maybe I'd feel properly sexual towards her but then again I might not. I do like the idea.of having a female romantic partner . You know, some woman who looks aesthetically attractive for me to go about and be seen with. Someone to hug or be close to and do stuff with. Im just not sure about any direct sexual stuff.

Some asexual people get right annoyed when you say to them "oh. You've just not met the right person yet." And they get all annoyed because they know there's no right person for them that'll convert them into being sexual.

For me " you've just not met the person yet" I don't get annoyed because there's a part of me that thinks maybe it's right for me.

I never really had any real interest in chasing anyone for sex. There's no way a one night stand will.ever happen to me. I'll never see anyone im attracted to anyway and Any one who tries to come onto me if they did try, I'd probably not reciprocate it. And you also don't see much point in trying dating much. So they like you at first then they find out you're not sexual and then they probably run away? Unless.the other person is asexual.

But if it is asexuality, i hate it. I think it's the worst orientation you could get. It instantly removes you from 99% of any dating pool because any sexual person is going to see your lack of interest as a deal breaker. It's a great orientation to help ensure you are alone forever. And it's not something I can help or fix anymore than a homosexual person can fix that if they aren't comfortable being homosexual. So in some way I feel.a bit broken, even tho people say asexuals aren't broken. But it's how I personally feel. It's frustrating that you dont feel.sexual towards other people because you think you should, but you're not frustrated at not actually doing it. It's annoying that the switch that everyone else has you seen to be missing.

And at least gay or bi etc etc, you STILL are sexual and can find a partner. I'd say gay,bi etc is vastly preferable to assxual. What the hell does an.asexual do? Find another asexual? And that's a needle in a huge haystack.
The only good thing about asexuality is that it doesn't really bother you if you're single a lot. You don't get physically sexually frustrated and you don't do stupid risky behaviours in pursuit of getting to rub your genitals on another person's genitals for 7 minutes.

Do you masturbate tho? Altho that has not much to do with asexuality either. It's still a sexual behaviour tho and some asexuals do and some don't.

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post #24 of 43 (permalink) Old 01-30-2020, 06:33 AM
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I think I have become a sexual nihilist lately, it all just seems so pointless. people seem so focused on it when, for me basic sex is really it's not all that great and consistently disappointing. and for a lot of young men these days it's unobtainable in any way which might even be remotely satisfying.

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post #25 of 43 (permalink) Old 01-30-2020, 12:09 PM
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I think I have become a sexual nihilist lately, it all just seems so pointless. people seem so focused on it when, for me basic sex is really it's not all that great and consistently disappointing. and for a lot of young men these days it's unobtainable in any way which might even be remotely satisfying.
Would you say that really good masturbation is better? It's got so many more advantages.

And how and why is it unobtainable for a lot of young men?

Waiting for a beam to break through here,
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This must be it,
Longed for Bliss,
First it was so quiet and now I know I am not alone in here.

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post #26 of 43 (permalink) Old 01-30-2020, 12:38 PM
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I think I have become a sexual nihilist lately, it all just seems so pointless. people seem so focused on it when, for me basic sex is really it's not all that great and consistently disappointing. and for a lot of young men these days it's unobtainable in any way which might even be remotely satisfying.

Yes, they don't care about the possibility of catching coochie cooties.


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Would you say that really good masturbation is better? It's got so many more advantages.

And how and why is it unobtainable for a lot of young men?
Well, you don't get coochie cooties from self-love.
It's unattainable because guys just don't get out and about.

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post #27 of 43 (permalink) Old 01-30-2020, 12:47 PM
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The anxiety involved with the whole process kind of prevents me from really getting too excited about the topic or actively pursuing any sort of opportunity to participate in such an event. I guess it is all cool as a outside observer, but as a participant there's just way too much going on to really enjoy it too much.

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post #28 of 43 (permalink) Old 01-30-2020, 12:56 PM
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Would you say that really good masturbation is better? It's got so many more advantages.

And how and why is it unobtainable for a lot of young men?
I think I am just becoming totally disengaged with sexual activity at all. I reached a point in my 20s where the only reason I masturbated was to help me get to sleep. I didn't really care for it as a source of stimulation, felt like it was second best to sex which is what I wanted. now, if I can find an alternative way to get to sleep I don't even bother. ofc the times I pursued sex it never worked out the way I wanted it to, as I mentioned on here before the vast majority of times I tried to go for one night stands it ended in failure and the very few times I got anywhere it was disappointing. relationships have been next to nothing so I am not gonna get my needs met that way either, the odds are stacked against me and I think it's statistically improbable for me to get into a sexually satisfying relationship right now or possibly ever. essentially everything seems to be pointing in the direction of disappointment so I figure I might as well trial the idea of disengaging completely no point in fighting something you can't win eh. I guess I am just sexually black pill right now lol. circumstances might be different for other people, but I suspect that a lot of young men (not that I am young lol) feel equally frustrated at the situation they find themselves in with regards to sexual dynamics between men and women? it seems like there is a growing trend of men living sexually barren lifestyles and this never used to be a topic that came up as frequently when I was young. I hope I am not discouraging others, by all means if you are young you should at least try.

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post #29 of 43 (permalink) Old 01-30-2020, 01:09 PM
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tbh if life is trying to usher me towards anything right now it's that I should become a monk! i'm partly there, I don't drink, I enjoy solitude and I have been experimenting with meditation, let's try sexual abstinence next...

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post #30 of 43 (permalink) Old 01-31-2020, 05:04 AM
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Y
It's unattainable because guys just don't get out and about.
Why aren't they getting out and about?

And what is happening to the single women then if these guys who aren't getting out and about are not falling into their circles? If either party stays at home and doesn't go out, it's beginning to deprive on both sides.

And I thought the solution for not getting out and about was for more people to use things like dating apps where you don't even need to leave your sofa and you can browse the catalog of availables.

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This must be it,
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post #31 of 43 (permalink) Old 01-31-2020, 11:39 AM
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Why aren't they getting out and about?

And what is happening to the single women then if these guys who aren't getting out and about are not falling into their circles? If either party stays at home and doesn't go out, it's beginning to deprive on both sides.

And I thought the solution for not getting out and about was for more people to use things like dating apps where you don't even need to leave your sofa and you can browse the catalog of availables.

What I meant by that was to build the social muscles. Conversations, getting to know people. I am just as guilty. Apps are okay, but we MUST relate to various people, not focus on one person.

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post #32 of 43 (permalink) Old 01-31-2020, 12:00 PM
 
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It is hard to explain, I don't feel the need to have sex. I am attracted to women, but I don't feel the urge to have sex.

If I talk about sex, I feel uncomfortable, and it is strange.

Is this normal?
I wouldn't worry too much about it because everyone is different. The majority of guys (young especially) are very interested in sex, but this doesn't apply to everyone. There are men who are in the same boat as you, that just don't have much interest in sex. These types of guys are just less common. Also I'm sure you know there's this assumption that "guys are always horny and women are only horny sometimes"... but the truth is there are women who are as horny as the day is long and crave sex more than some guys do. So this kind of thing varies greatly from person to person.

Look at it as a blessing in disguise. Casual sex is meaningless anyway and can end in STDs or unwanted pregnancy. You will not have to deal with that headache!
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post #33 of 43 (permalink) Old 01-31-2020, 12:02 PM
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Most coochies don't have cooties. A test at the doctor can alleviate those worries. Sex is a big deal to some people and being comfortable with proper consent is important. Nobody should feel forced into intercourse and waiting for the right person is fine.

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post #34 of 43 (permalink) Old 02-01-2020, 05:12 AM
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{I wouldn't worry too much about it because everyone is different.1} The majority of guys (young especially) are very interested in sex, but this doesn't apply to everyone. There are men who are in the same boat as you, that just don't have much interest in sex. {These types of guys are just less common 2}. Also I'm sure you know there's this assumption that "guys are always horny and women are only horny sometimes"... but the truth is there are women who are as horny as the day is long and crave sex more than some guys do. So this kind of thing varies greatly from person to person.

Look at it as a blessing in disguise. {Casual sex is meaningless anyway and can end in STDs or unwanted pregnancy. You will not have to deal with that headache!3}

I agree with just about all you say.

1} but the problem.with {1} is that a lot of people don't realise that everyone is different and that difference to them might equate to as weird or maybe something wrong with you. And sometimes being "different" isn't much comfort when they just want to blend in.

2} the prombelm with {2} is that if it's a lot less.common then people might obviously not know about it, and then if they hear of a guy that's not interested then that leads to all the stuff that he's gay or something weird or wrong with him. People making wrong assumptions because they just thought every male human was a horndog all day.

3} well for a.lot of guys I'd assume , and especially a lot of guys on here, casual whatever on here would mean a lot to them because it means a successful encounter with someone. Ok the experience may prove to be dissapoingting but the point is that they actually managed to score at least once. Lotta guys or people here are in turmoil because they've not even managed that far. And it may bring a lot of relief to a guy of he finally managed to score with someone even if the experience was dissapointing. So saying that
risk of pregnancy (physically way way less risk for the guy anyway and it's preventable anyway) and the risk of an STD (which is also somewhat preventable) is all avoidable if you never score is probably not all that much comfort for someone who is desperate for finally getting some sexual interaction.

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This must be it,
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post #35 of 43 (permalink) Old 02-01-2020, 07:34 AM
 
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I agree with just about all you say.

1} but the problem.with {1} is that a lot of people don't realise that everyone is different and that difference to them might equate to as weird or maybe something wrong with you. And sometimes being "different" isn't much comfort when they just want to blend in.

2} the prombelm with {2} is that if it's a lot less.common then people might obviously not know about it, and then if they hear of a guy that's not interested then that leads to all the stuff that he's gay or something weird or wrong with him. People making wrong assumptions because they just thought every male human was a horndog all day.
True, an example of this is I have a family member who is in his 50's who is still single, and has never really even dated. He's still attracted to women from what he's said. Yet my family still thinks he's weird and suspicious and assumes "he's obviously gay". I could be wrong but I don't get the impression that he's gay... I think he's just hyperactive and keeps himself busy and doesn't have much interest in sex. Some men are like this. But the fact is people are always going to assume stuff about you. I know it's natural to worry about what people think but it's pointless and a waste of time, and you can't exactly change the way that you're wired. So if you are like my family member or the OP and aren't interested in sex then you aren't... and you shouldn't be made to feel bad about it by people who pass judgement onto you because you don't fit into what they consider normal.

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3} well for a.lot of guys I'd assume , and especially a lot of guys on here, casual whatever on here would mean a lot to them because it means a successful encounter with someone. Ok the experience may prove to be dissapoingting but the point is that they actually managed to score at least once. Lotta guys or people here are in turmoil because they've not even managed that far. And it may bring a lot of relief to a guy of he finally managed to score with someone even if the experience was dissapointing. So saying that
risk of pregnancy (physically way way less risk for the guy anyway and it's preventable anyway) and the risk of an STD (which is also somewhat preventable) is all avoidable if you never score is probably not all that much comfort for someone who is desperate for finally getting some sexual interaction.
Well I don't totally agree with this, because I've seen posts on this site from guys who have 'scored' and said it wasn't even worth it. A male user in this thread lamented about this very thing. I guess if you truly just want to lose your virginity and that's all that matters then maybe it's different. What I said was directed at the OP though, who doesn't seem in any way desperate to have sex. He seems to have the opposite problem
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post #36 of 43 (permalink) Old 02-02-2020, 04:56 AM
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True, an example of this is I have a family member who is in his 50's who is still single, and has never really even dated. He's still attracted to women from what he's said. Yet my family still thinks he's weird and suspicious and assumes "he's obviously gay". I could be wrong but I don't get the impression that he's gay... I think he's just hyperactive and keeps himself busy and doesn't have much interest in sex. Some men are like this. But the fact is people are always going to assume stuff about you. I know it's natural to worry about what people think but it's pointless and a waste of time, and you can't exactly change the way that you're wired. So if you are like my family member or the OP and aren't interested in sex then you aren't... and you shouldn't be made to feel bad about it by people who pass judgement onto you because you don't fit into what they consider normal. 1



Well I don't totally agree with this, because I've seen posts on this site from guys who have 'scored' and said it wasn't even worth it. A male user in this thread lamented about this very thing. I guess if you truly just want to lose your virginity and that's all that matters then maybe it's different. What I said was directed at the OP though, who doesn't seem in any way desperate to have sex. He seems to have the opposite problem. 2


1. "Obviously gay". That's stupid . Where's "obviously asexual"? Why do they never say that? I mean, if he WAS gay , maybe there will have been other signs, or that , shock horror, he maybe would be picked up with a guy? Why do they ways jump to the gay conclusion? Maybe because that's what they fear as it's still somewhat stigmatized. Maybe he's asexual and he's not interested in anyone? They never assume asexuality. That goes to show how underrepresented asexuality is. And why suspicious? What could possibly be suspicious? Maybe he's just got impossibly high standards and is incredibly picky . Maybe he's just been desperately unlucky that there's never been a chance to meet someone he's ever liked.

2. Well.maybe a.lot of the guys said it was dissapointing was because they were so nervous that they couldn't relax and that made it dissapointing and they had no experiance beforehand.. But it still giives them the ability to say, " yes, I've scored". And maybe that's a big deal to them regardless of it was some casual fling thing. They don't need to allude further that it wasn't very good. And if the first time wasn't good, I'd say that it's likely after they clear that first hurdle, they're more likely to get a second, third, etc etc. Then with each time it might get better. The longer they go and don't get over their first hurdle, the longer and longer they'll be stuck at it.

Waiting for a beam to break through here,
A chain-way vision bright and clear.
This must be it,
Longed for Bliss,
First it was so quiet and now I know I am not alone in here.

___________
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If you can read this, you must look at my profile page. I like people who have attention to detail, and curiosity.
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post #37 of 43 (permalink) Old 02-02-2020, 05:32 AM
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"Obviously gay". That's stupid . Where's "obviously asexual"? Why do they never say that?
My dad did lol. He saw some character on a soap opera. There's no easy way to explain what my sexuality is though to people who want to know. Asexual doesn't cut it.

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post #38 of 43 (permalink) Old 02-02-2020, 12:55 PM
 
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1. "Obviously gay". That's stupid . Where's "obviously asexual"? Why do they never say that? I mean, if he WAS gay , maybe there will have been other signs, or that , shock horror, he maybe would be picked up with a guy? Why do they ways jump to the gay conclusion? Maybe because that's what they fear as it's still somewhat stigmatized. Maybe he's asexual and he's not interested in anyone? They never assume asexuality. That goes to show how underrepresented asexuality is. And why suspicious? What could possibly be suspicious? Maybe he's just got impossibly high standards and is incredibly picky . Maybe he's just been desperately unlucky that there's never been a chance to meet someone he's ever liked.

2. Well.maybe a.lot of the guys said it was dissapointing was because they were so nervous that they couldn't relax and that made it dissapointing and they had no experiance beforehand.. But it still giives them the ability to say, " yes, I've scored". And maybe that's a big deal to them regardless of it was some casual fling thing. They don't need to allude further that it wasn't very good. And if the first time wasn't good, I'd say that it's likely after they clear that first hurdle, they're more likely to get a second, third, etc etc. Then with each time it might get better. The longer they go and don't get over their first hurdle, the longer and longer they'll be stuck at it.
My family is Baptist Christian and not very open-minded. I doubt they even know what being asexual is. But they would most likely tell an asexual person that theyíre lost and to ďpray about itĒ. Yeah, Iím sure that praying is gonna change your sexuality. SMH. And sadly they jump to conclusions if you donít fit into what they think you should be doing. Some of them have wondered if I was gay, too, because Iíve never had a boyfriend. I am definitely NOT gay, I am very much attracted to men. They just donít understand how crippling SA is and that itís destroyed my self-esteem and confidence. So they wonder ďWhy the hell isnít she dating or even looking?Ē My sister asked me years ago ďWhen are you gonna start having babies?Ē My mom b****es that she wants grandkids before I get too old to conceive. I mean really??? I can barely even manage to stay sane and take care of my own basic needs. Iím not ruling out having kids at some point... but at the present time - HELL NO.

Some people really shouldnít have kids anyway. This is mean to say, but that includes my own parents. They shouldnít have married each other or reproduced. They donít know how to raise kids. Growing up - my house was as dysfunctional as you can get, with chronic alcoholism and screaming matches. I have a memory of being probably 7, sitting at the table coloring, while on the other side of the living room my parents are both totally wasted, with my mom being passed out on the floor and my dad not even knowing where he was. Thatís a great image for a developing child to see, lol. Itís no wonder Iím screwed up. If you are unstable, please donít bring a child into your mess of a life.

(sorry for ranting and going off topic)
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post #39 of 43 (permalink) Old 02-02-2020, 02:39 PM
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Originally Posted by Kamikaze View Post
My family is Baptist Christian and not very open-minded. I doubt they even know what being asexual is. But they would most likely tell an asexual person that theyíre lost and to ďpray about itĒ. Yeah, Iím sure that praying is gonna change your sexuality. SMH. And sadly they jump to conclusions if you donít fit into what they think you should be doing. Some of them have wondered if I was gay, too, because Iíve never had a boyfriend. I am definitely NOT gay, I am very much attracted to men. They just donít understand how crippling SA is and that itís destroyed my self-esteem and confidence. So they wonder ďWhy the hell isnít she dating or even looking?Ē My sister asked me years ago ďWhen are you gonna start having babies?Ē My mom b****es that she wants grandkids before I get too old to conceive. I mean really??? I can barely even manage to stay sane and take care of my own basic needs. Iím not ruling out having kids at some point... but at the present time - HELL NO.

Some people really shouldnít have kids anyway. This is mean to say, but that includes my own parents. They shouldnít have married each other or reproduced. They donít know how to raise kids. Growing up - my house was as dysfunctional as you can get, with chronic alcoholism and screaming matches. I have a memory of being probably 7, sitting at the table coloring, while on the other side of the living room my parents are both totally wasted, with my mom being passed out on the floor and my dad not even knowing where he was. Thatís a great image for a developing child to see, lol. Itís no wonder Iím screwed up. If you are unstable, please donít bring a child into your mess of a life.

(sorry for ranting and going off topic)


No need to apologize for ranting . I was happy (well not "happy"but you know what I mean) to read it and maybe it helps you a bit that you got it out.

You don't want kids at least now? Lol..neither would I. I'm too self -oriented to have to bother with that. Ugh. Can you imagine it? But I wouldn't be that way with a partner. I mean, a partner who is adult can wipe their own butt and feed and clothe theirselfves without me having to do it and I can have proper adult company and i feel kids would get in the way of that. So I'd be happy with a woman who doesn't want kids. Ok, we're deffo compatible. I'll be your first BF. Lol

I think that's so selfish that a parent *****es at you just because she wants grandkids. If she's so desperate to want some, then bloody hell adopt some then. That tells me that she's not respecting you or your choice not to have any anyway. And she's not realising how much hard work grandkids is. Your life exists now before any hypothetical kids do.

So does your anxiety prevent you from like leaving the house and you're not even in contact with other people or guys and guys "traditionally" approach the woman? Or do you get approached and you give out signs of that pushes guys away or you just say you're not interested?

Waiting for a beam to break through here,
A chain-way vision bright and clear.
This must be it,
Longed for Bliss,
First it was so quiet and now I know I am not alone in here.

___________
Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride, nobody gonna slow me down. I gotta keep on moovin!

If you can read this, you must look at my profile page. I like people who have attention to detail, and curiosity.
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post #40 of 43 (permalink) Old 02-02-2020, 02:48 PM
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Originally Posted by Persephone The Dread View Post
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My dad did lol. He saw some character on a soap opera. There's no easy way to explain what my sexuality is though to people who want to know. Asexual doesn't cut it.
Lol. Im Glad that coronation Street or Emmerdale farm was factually educational for once . And they never assume bi either. It's always gay even still in complete lack of evidence of any same-sex attraction or any signs whatsoever. It's like no sexual history = deffo gay.

It's illogical. Altho I'm.saying this and as far as I know there's never been any assumptions about me other than straight. Unless people have really crap acedar opposed to gaydar.

Waiting for a beam to break through here,
A chain-way vision bright and clear.
This must be it,
Longed for Bliss,
First it was so quiet and now I know I am not alone in here.

___________
Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride, nobody gonna slow me down. I gotta keep on moovin!

If you can read this, you must look at my profile page. I like people who have attention to detail, and curiosity.
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