I have spent the last 2 years trying to live some kind of normal life. Employment is going to be the worst, because I literally cant exist day to day without being either fatigued, unable to concentrate, or just angry when I have to interact with people.
I got into a relationship. I can't handle the relentless stress of it. Everything is ****ing stressful. Sex is stressful. Not having sex is stressful once you get used to it and have a sex drive. Going places is stressful (SA), meeting family is stressful (SA), haven't bothered yet tbh. And our clash of problems is a nightmare.
So basically the "most natural" of all things, I can't ****ing do without it being unimaginably stressful.
On top of that, my OCD, which pops up to torment me whenever I am stressed.
Course / employment or whatever, ****ing nightmare.
Social interaction, ****ing nightmare.
Unable to sleep properly.
Internalised relentless criticism.
And its all hidden. People just think I am lazy, or unintelligent, or whatever. They would collapse if they had to tolerate the load I do.
So yeh, basically, I have no ****ing clue how you live a normal life, when everything that isn't supposed to be that stressful (like, just existing when you have pureO OCD) or sex, or ****ing anything, is 6/10 stress levels, when you are chilling..
Over the last 2 years I have put myself through everything my therapist wanted me to do. It's almost broken me. Anxiety hasn't diminished, I have just gotten better at putting myself into situations of stress and not entirely exploding.
At least my chronic pain has gone.
In another year I will get back and let you know if its achievable. Right now I don't feel it is.
Enough about me, lets talk about you, what do you think about me?