How depressed are you? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-08-2019, 06:35 PM Thread Starter
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How depressed are you?


Ive been trying to ignore this for a long time, but I guess it doesnt hurt to talk about it.

Let me see

Nothing makes me feel happy
Nothing about the future excites me (near or far)
I don't have any dreams ...
No one interests me enough to stay connected
Nothing surprises me. Nothing impresses me.
Im not emotionally depressed most of the time, just apathetic.

Whatever I do, I do just to pass the time. Whether it's work or Netflix, it doesn't feel that much different.

Ma 'alena
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post #2 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-08-2019, 06:47 PM
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I've been trying to figure out myself if I'm depressed or not. I suffer from SA of that I'm sure and I should be depressed given my social/economical/professional state but I don't think I am.
I often feel bad and useless but there's days I'm feeling good. I still enjoy music/film a lot. I can still laugh. I still love my football matches on the telly. But at the same time I noticed almost all of the traits you summed up in your post.

It's probably as long as I don't try anything I can't fail which is keeping me of depression or perhaps I'm deluded. So I really don't know...
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post #3 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-08-2019, 07:04 PM
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I'm not depressed at all - I rarely am. I get a bit upset about things but usually just ride that out until another bout of mania. Or I start the medication again.
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post #4 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-14-2019, 02:41 PM
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My current stage is more apathetic but for a handful of projects I keep telling myself that if I died tomorrow I'd hate to have them incomplete...lol Really though, I've been prone to depressive episodes forever. Right now I'm doing okay except isolation has always been a problem--feeling cut off from others even when they're surrounding me. When it gets in my head that I don't matter, I can look around and that's all the proof I need convincing me it's true. And then the reality of not having real friends or close family to share with. It's not easy staying "okay" and fine once I finally get to that point.
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post #5 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-10-2019, 11:46 AM
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I am in a pretty bad state right now....so bad that I have decided to try meds/ therapy once again after years of not doing it. I have always been a big worrier and super anxious but was able to focus on my job and at least semi enjoy some things. Now, I dont care about my job at all, I waste countless minutes at work on my phone, I dont much care for most of my co- workers and not really interested in helping them and I dont enjoy going out or anything...it all feels like I am just going thru the motions. Plus it has been a really crappy winter here and that has made my already sour mood even worse.
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post #6 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-10-2019, 12:39 PM
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I'm way too depressed now. Last few months have been a nightmare. The anhedonia, loneliness and agitation I feel is far too strong. I'm desperate for relief from all this crap. I want a break from it all, ffs.
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post #7 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-10-2019, 01:08 PM
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I don't feel empty, sad, lonely, etc. consistently anymore. I do still have anhedonia, which is an absolute ***** to deal with and the only symptom that reminds me I had/have major depression. I'm very impatient with it, but I expect it to fade graaaaaaadually like most of my other symptoms.

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Know your ACE (adverse childhood experiences) score?
Sometimes, SA is a symptom of significant developmental, attachment or interpersonal trauma (emotional neglect counts). If you're still stuck after you've tried SA treatments such as CBT and exposure, research C-PTSD and see if it resonates. Here's an awesome resource. Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving
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post #8 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-10-2019, 01:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Myosr View Post
Ive been trying to ignore this for a long time, but I guess it doesnt hurt to talk about it.

Let me see

Nothing makes me feel happy
Nothing about the future excites me (near or far)
I don't have any dreams ...
No one interests me enough to stay connected
Nothing surprises me. Nothing impresses me.
Im not emotionally depressed most of the time, just apathetic.

Whatever I do, I do just to pass the time. Whether it's work or Netflix, it doesn't feel that much different.
yeah I feel just the same, for 4 months now. idk yesterday and today it feels like I'm finally hitting the bottom of it, I feel like crying. really falling apart a bit.

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
―Balon Greyjoy
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post #9 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-10-2019, 01:58 PM
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We're all here just to pass the time. Some are too proud or too religious to admit that.

I have always been depressed, really. When I was younger, I could deal with it better because I of course hadn't lived with it for that long. Then it started to settle into me in high school. Then, once I left, it kind of hit me full force that it wasn't just a phase or circumstance-bound. And from then on it's just been bouts of fighting it, surrendering to it, accepting it, going apathetic to it and all various other ways to try and lessen the pain.


I've always related to the not-feeling-connected-enough-to-stay-connected-to-people thing. Nothing really makes/made me happy either.
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post #10 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-10-2019, 03:23 PM
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Very, because of things that happened in my life that I am too weak to cope with. Plus being biologically prone to anxiety and depression doesn't help. There are days where I feel like I will never stop being sad.
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post #11 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-17-2019, 08:24 AM
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On top of SA I've also been depressed for years. Honestly I can take the pain and sadness but I'm at the point where I never have energy and I never do anything anymore. I'm a person that, deep down, has big dreams and creative tendencies so this part is the absolute worst for me. I wanna make art and follow my dreams of being a game developer but how am I supposed to make game art and learn how to program if I can't even make myself eat anymore. It feels like my life is being ruined and it makes me even more depressed cos I start wondering how I'll ever have a job or career if I can never keep up with anything.

Usually I play video games to comfort me, but the last couple of days I don't even have the energy to open Steam or get my Switch. I just sit and look at Twitter or something which just makes me feel even sadder and isolated cos I don't feel like I belong anywhere. I used to listen to music or watch Star Trek or something, but lately music all sounds like nothing more than background noise. I barely even listen to my favorite band anymore... deep down I still love them, and it's heartbreaking to listen to the albums that got me through high school and feel nothing.

I definitely don't have the energy to pay attention to movies or TV anymore. Video games are the only thing that resonate with me during these times anymore and I'm terrified I'll lose those, too.

For the record I'm seeing a counselor at school (behind my parents' back) and it's been helping, but it's starting to become apparent that I probably need to be medicated. Sadly I have no idea how to even get that stuff without my parents finding out (they're against medication or any kind of treatment for mental illnesses), especially since I quit my on-campus job since keeping up with it was too overwhelming with my brain being the way that it is. I'm incredibly fortunate to have such supportive people surrounding me at school but I'm beginning to fear it might not be enough.

So... I guess the answer is pretty dang depressed. I feel worse than ever.

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post #12 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-17-2019, 08:41 PM
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I've been severely depressed since I was 20. My anxiety and depression go hand in hand. Turned to drugs and alcohol to self-medicate for awhile but ended up even more depressed. At this stage I'm pretty much numb, I just go through the motions and fake happiness when I'm around people. I find no joy in anything I do. I envy people who have hobbies like painting, drawing, playing an instrument etc. I just can't get into anything I do, I'd rather sleep but then again I hate dreaming, I wish I had that drug they have in Freddy vs Jason that stops dreams so I could just get a good nights rest. That's why I'm here now, the only comfort I get is relating to other people who feel the same way. I've grown so cold and regressed so much that I don't even think change is possible. I'm just trying to live out my short life the best I can.

You say that I am a king. For this purpose I was born and for this purpose I have come into the worldto bear witness to the truth. Everyone who is of the truth listens to my voice. - John 18:37.
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post #13 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-17-2019, 09:39 PM
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Im about 92% depressed

I know a poet. Hes as sweet as pie, writes poems about me that make me cry. Arthur Miller, 12 years senior, hes my bugga baby sigh.
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post #14 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-17-2019, 09:43 PM
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More depressed than the most depressed enter key. I used to have a keyboard with a depressed enter key that was all wore out and wouldn't pop back up. It was that doggone depressed.

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post #15 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-17-2019, 10:18 PM
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I don't even know anymore. I'm beginning to have trouble differentiating all my symptoms. But I have passive suicidal thoughts almost 24/7. They occasionally turn active - and that's happened a lot lately. I stopped caring about myself - my mental health, physical health (to the point where I've had a few nasty near-death experiences), relationships, family, everything. I had to go on medical leave, and because the company I worked for sucks, they fired me because they tried to mail me something and it got returned. Turns out I hadn't checked my mail in so long that the post office stopped delivering. I live alone in my apartment with my two cats and I can't even leave, because the registration on my car is suspended and that's a whole frustrating mess I still need to go to court over. No income whatsoever right now. Nobody I feel like I can turn to for emotional support - I feel so cut off from everyone, even though I know my girlfriend would listen and be supportive if I needed to talk. But I can't get past the feeling that I'm too much of a burden. Or I'm an awful person who is better off gone. I don't think I'm the slightest bit likable. But I'm trying to change all that, because I don't recognize this person I've become - I want to change. And I seriously need to get a therapist.

"We don't own our heavens now; we only own our hell." - Marina Diamandis
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post #16 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-29-2019, 11:48 PM
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I'm empty inside, that void can easily become very painful that it feels like it's literally razing me in my chest and it does very hard that I can't help myself and once again I start thinking of suicide or at least self harm as some way to cope at least for a moment... Like yesterday... I was pulling my hair brutally and I didn't care that it had high possibility to be visible later... I just needed something that could help me to deal with that pain in my chest which is trying to break me in half (at best case)...

I can never feel sorry for someone else honestly. I just can't... I'm too broken for it, I can find something relatable to me, but I can't say that I can feel apathy to others... It can be something very good or very bad happening to someone and I just don't care, I yet feel nothing, like I said it is just a void inside me, that maybe will end me one day or night... A lot of years ago I was able to think about myself as a normal human being, but that's just a past, a very far past... That will never come back... Even if there's no future...

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post #17 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-30-2019, 12:06 AM
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I'm rarely happy, most always a little melancholic and discontent with life. I feel very little hope.

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post #18 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-30-2019, 12:20 AM
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I'm moderately depressed. I'm functional but emotionally unstable.

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post #19 of 21 (permalink) Old 08-17-2019, 12:56 AM
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I've been more dramatically depressed in the past, but recently I've been a bit down. I think it's a combination of loneliness and helplessness. We're undergoing "restructuring" at one of my jobs, and the whole process just reminds me how crappy my degree choice was, how I wasted my twenties being depressed, how I wasted my teens being stupid, how I can't find full-time work that allows me to be financially independent to even the smallest degree, and how I'm ultimately profoundly replaceable at my job, and that feeling transcends to how I feel comprehensively about myself, and my lack of value as a person. You ever been at a job where people only light up around people they know can get them ahead in their careers. Nobody lights up when they see me. They know I can offer them nothing. I have no influence over anyone or anything. And my response is not to try to prove myself like a normal person, but to shut down and give up. It's been five years at this job. If people don't value my work now why would they suddenly begin to now?

The only person that has been able to challenge that feeling of worthlessness is my boyfriend, and I don't really feel his influence much lately, and I wish I didn't need anyone at all to make me feel good about myself, but I've never been able to create that for myself. I sometimes feel positive self regard when I'm able to achieve or master things, but I don't have a lot of room for that working multiple part-time jobs where I'm viewed as equally disposable with little time to even aspire to achieve something marginal in my free time.

Anyway, the boyfriend has a tendency to cut me off when I'm talking, or tune me out, invite me over to just fall asleep while I'm at his place leaving me to just sit idly until I get the nerve to wake him up to tell him I'm leaving. He's usually great, but sometimes...so disappointing.

Just feeling empty and lacking agency. Floating through the universe like some errant earth trash :P
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post #20 of 21 (permalink) Old 08-17-2019, 01:27 AM
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I've spent a long time barely leaving my room or house in general, and it has been frustrating knowing I couldn't when I don't have my own vehicle or a job. I know lacking a sense of independence is a huge part of my depression. There are alot of places I know I want to go see and things I want to do, but it makes me feel like I'm forever stuck in a cage.



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Yet I don't even step outside
So many sacrifices keep me alive
Yet I don't even bother to survive."



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Don't push your values
Push your values
Onto the crowd."


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