Having frequent sex fantasies-- please help - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 05-08-2016, 05:36 AM Thread Starter
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Having frequent sex fantasies-- please help


I am a 26-year old man from India. Ever since i have attained sexual consciousness, i have had a daily habit of sexual fantasising. Its peculiar in a sense because i dont masturbate or watch porn often. Yet, i spend a big part of my day indulging in sex-fantasising.

* HISTORY OF MY FANTASIES-

This fantasising started when i was in early school(late 1990s and the early 2000s). There were 2 principal triggers-- WWE and Bollywood( Hindi film industry located in Mumbai) . In those days, WWE TV shows would feature Divas who would take part in Bikini contests, Bra and Panty matches,etc. Bollywood, which forms an important part of everybody's childhood and youth in India, started to go bold too. All of a sudden, films arrived which had explicit sex scenes, bikini wearing actresses and skimpily dressed actresses dancing to item songs. This universal skin show consumed me. Every night, when i went to sleep, i would remain awake and have fantasies crowd my head. I would imagine actresses and WWE divas wrestle nude. These thoughts caused erection in me, in order to hide that, i started sleeping sideways with a leg pillow tucked near my pen**. On other occasions, i would sleep with my back on top. While fantasising, i would rub my pen** against either the pillow or the bed. This gave me a sense of sexual arousal.At times, when i would be too much aroused, i would end up ejaculating right there in my bed, wetting my pants and the bed sheet. Whats shameful is that all this happened, every single night, even while my mother slept beside me.On some infrequent occasions,she would scold me for constantly moving my legs which she said was a disturbing sleeping habit. But, thats all she said and i comforted myself by thinking she hadnt realised what i was doing. Her silence made me continue fearlessly. However, i never fantasised about the girls in my class. I even had a girlfriend in my high school, to whom i was deeply attached. But, my attachment was to her eyes, her smile, her mannerisms, not to her body.

Then i entered college in 2007. I owned a laptop. The online world beckoned me. For first few days, i didnt have an internet connection at home. Knowing that my college premises had internet facilities, i would carry my laptop with me to college. I would reach college as early as possible and would surf the internet for nude pictures of female celebs. Very soon, i had internet connection at home. What followed was an obsession with online surfing for sexy photos of celebrities. After coming back from college, i would spend hours surfing online sites and forums, which posted real-life/fake pictures of celebrities. I would place the laptop on my bed while positioning myself infront of the screen, lying on my tummy. Any semblance of skin show in the pics made me rub my pen** against the bed from which i derived sexual pleasure. Ejaculations, though, were quite a rarity. It was just a game of visual stimuli making me rub my pen**. Most of the pics i would download and save so that i can re-watch them.In order to escape detection, i used to shut the door of my room. Later, i started reading erotic sex stories, again involving celebrities. This expanded the horizons of my fantasies. Finally, while on bed to sleep, with my mother sleeping beside, i continued my daily routine of fantasising about actresses while rubbing my pen**. Yet, even then, i didnt fantasise about the ladies i met in my real-life. Lastly, i had a slow internet connection which prevented me from watching porn videos. Thus, though, i had sank deeper and deeper into the ocean of sexual fantasies, my online surfing was limited to watching celeb pics and my fantasies constrained in their range. Nevertheless,by the end of 2011, after 4 and a half years of collecting sexy pics of celebs, i had amassed a picture-bank of around 5000 photos of various female celebrities!

Then there occurred 2 profound changes in the nature and content of my fantasies. Again, there were triggers. 1st trigger was a faster internet connection. My progression from watching celeb pics to watching porn videos was, i suppose, as obvious a matter as the daily sunrise. I was working then. Every evening, i would return from office, switch on my laptop and surf porn videos online. My knowledge about sexual perversions reached its zenith.Its in one such "daily exercise",i happened to chance upon a porn video featuring Alexis Texas-- the pornstar having the best derriere in the business. And also she happened to be a beautiful pornstar-- something which i found to be rare. I knew that i had an attraction towards female derriere, but, from then on, all my fantasies,which, earlier would spread in all directions, now started to converge at one point-- Alexis Texas. I would return from my office,
open my laptop, start downloading porn movie after porn movie featuring her and watch them incessantly. I stuck to the same routine-- laptop on bed, me lying infront of it with my pen** rubbing against my bed with the door shut. And yes, even now, while pretending to sleep, my mind would dive into the world of sex fantasies and my pen** would rub itself against the bed, my legs would move, my mother would object. I am yet to end this "distrurbing sleeping habit" of mine.

Why did Alexis Texas attract me so much? There are just 2 reasons-- One, she was beautiful and the other, she had a big derriere. I had pointed out that inspite of thinking about sex to such an extent as i have noted down above, i never fantasised about any woman whom i met in real-life. This changed. For there was a woman in my life-- beautiful and with a big derriere, just like Alexis Texas. No, she wasnt a girlfriend. The lady-- beautiful and with a big derriere -- was a teacher of mine in college. She was a young teacher, in her late 20s. To be frank, i did have a crush on her since early days of my college, but, never, for once, did i think about her body. But, that was till we had a picnic in my final year in college-- the 2nd trigger.

The picnic was in a watersport park. She had also come. She was wearing a salwar kameez. Like everybody else, she also played in the water.Her dress got wet and stuck to her body thereby revealing the shapes of her legs, thighs and waist. I hadnt seen her in that state coz i was busy playing with my friends. Unfortunately, some of my friends saw her in that wet self. While returning, a friend narrated how he saw her kameez lift in the air and how her wet salwar exposed her innerwear. That conversation aroused me to no ends. I remember that night distinctly. I fantasised, re-fantasised and re-fantasised about her, most surprisingly, my fantasies were physical and sexual. Next day, i collected all the pics of the picnic that were captured in the cell phones of my friends. I saved the ones featuring her, in my laptop and kept on seeing them. I would zoom into her lips, her eyes, her face and of course, her private parts. Fantasies would swarm my head. That was the onset of a vicious habit of mine which would reach its most intense form 2 years later( when i was into AlexisTexas bigtime) when she would, finally, open a FB account of hers. I have continued to download her pics from her FB account, save them in my laptop, watch them and fantasise. She has become what Alexis Taxas was once-- the central focus of my sexual fantasies.

* THE COST OF IT ALL--

I dont know what caused me to be a sex-fantasiser. The often quoted casues for such behaviour are trauma, shyness in speaking to women, being an introvert,etc. But, these dont apply to me. Yes, i havent been involved romantically with another woman for nearly a decade now, yet, my instinct tells me that this isn't the void i have tried to fill through my fantasies.

Strangely, like i dont masturbate or watch porn that much, i dont share some of the common apprehensions that fellow sufferers might have. I dont fear that my fantasies would prevent me from having a healthy sexual life, that they would make me more comfortable in thinking about women than going out with them. Yet, slowly, despondency is gripping me.

Today, i have reached a stage where i just cant stop myself from fantasising. Mostly, the subject of my fantasy is my teacher, on other occasions, its a celebrity. I have quit my job and is presently studying to crack an extremely competitive exam which if i manage to do would give me my dream job. Alas, i just cant study with 100% concentration as every 10-15 mins, thoughts, tinged in sexual flavour, crowd my brain and i relapse into sexual fantasisation. My body sits infront of my study table, but, my mind wanders in a world ,created by my fantasies, featuring the female body. My latest academic pursuit has strengthened my power of imagination. Alas, i have channeled my increasingly fertile
imagination and creativity into the same drainage of sexual imaginations into which i had channeled my precious time previously.

I had tried to reform. Around a year back, i had deleted all the photos of both celebrities and my teacher that i had in my laptop. I had promised that i would never surf a porn site again. Alas, i failed to keep up. I re-downloaded those stuff. I surfed the same sites. Fantasies continued.

The photos, the fantasies, the sense of attachment-- they seem to be an integral part of me . I am increasingly getting frustrated . Because of this habit of mine, i am failing to perform at my best, in turn, i am unable to land my dream job, in turn, my mood is worsening , patience is running thin and in turn, i am starting to portray myself, in my own eyes, as a failure.

Yesterday, again, i deleted all those stuff. But, am not sure, whether, i will be able to resist the temptation of re-downloading them.

If anyone can give me any practical suggestion on what i can do to end my sex-fantasies, i shall be grateful.
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 05-08-2016, 06:32 AM
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I take afront to the idea that Alexis Texas has the best backside.
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 05-08-2016, 09:33 AM
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Something is fueling this fantasy. It is more than likely wanting to build relationships with women. The sex part, however, takes things too far. It's at the other end of the line.
Pornography has a way of objectifying people - women and men alike. The people you see on television and the Internet may not have the life you think they have. They are people, too, with their own issues.

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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 05-08-2016, 09:58 AM
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For the most part i think a lot of what you describe is normal. Rubbing your penis on the bed or whatever( you do not have to sensor that word) is masturbating. Just because you havent used direct hands its still the sexual act. Nothing to be ashamed of, most of us do it and its normal.

Secondly from your age you began with this in about 15, 16, somewhere near there|? Again most males at this age or even younger have the ravaging hormones and therefore they are turned on very very easily. Looking at pics of nude ladies and masturbating is a normal part of the sexual development. Again, nothing to be ashamed of.

I do find it rather weird that at that age you still shared a bed with your mom...that kinda shocked me especially if you were having this "problem" within the same bed . I hope now you have a room of your own.

I suspect that because you sensor the word penis i get the idea that you have been made to feel that masturbating, fantasizing, sexual things, is somehow taboo. somehow you feel ashamed, and probably i think you find it hard to talk about ? You are somehow feeling this is something you shouldtn be doing.

In fact it soudns like the material you were using was very lightweight porn. It does not sound like you have been addicted to hardcore stuff that got more and more extreme like a lot of people with that problem suffer. Just looking at pics is actually really quite tame.

I think that if its to the extent you are describing, the frequency... then this indicates a little bit of a problem. Do you truly have enough things to distract you in daily life to prevent the constant fantasizing? If you have had the sexual relief by masturbating, does this extinguish the fantasies, even temporarily? Or is it insatiable?

edit. saw your other post about having the maladaptive daydreaming disorder.

i think you need to have the treatment for this, Or other possible causes that are possible linked with MD need to maybe be screened for. THIS is the real problem. The sexual fantasizing is any one of a facet of it, thats a symptom of the underlying cause.

Waiting for a beam to break through here,
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This must be it,
Longed for Bliss,
First it was so quiet and now I know I am not alone in here.

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If you can read this, you must look at my profile page. I like people who have attention to detail, and curiosity.
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 05-08-2016, 11:19 AM Thread Starter
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Thanks a lot for your replies Meepie, Owlbear,Mileniumman75 and KiloBravo.

India is slowly turning more liberal on matters like sexuality. But, that's largely restricted to the youth. Within the family, talking about sex with one's parents is still a taboo.

My parents dont have a happy married life. They are excellent as father and mother to me, but, not as husband and wife to each other.Thats why, they dont sleep together. Since my mother is afraid of ghosts and all, she cant sleep alone. Thats why i had to sleep beside her.

From your replies, i have extracted some meaningful insights on what might be the causative factors and possible way outs.
In India, i dont think MDD has become a research area of psychiatrists. I mailed the leading psychologist in Kolkata but got no reply.
I had contacted Dr.Eli Somer, the man who coined the term MDD, via mail and its he who suggested me to join online communities.
First, i disregarded this suggestion, but, today, i realise that it helps. At least, i brought out what was within me for so many years, some took the time to read it and some had encouraging things to tell me. Thats far better than what has been going on. At least, i am spending time typing this instead of surfing porn sites.

I thank you. I hope fantasy-less days like today become common in my life and i can study with 100% concentration.
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