Getting too attached to people? - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 40 (permalink) Old 05-12-2011, 12:15 AM
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In reaction to the OP's situation I feel that the girl you seemed to have a "connection" with didn't mean much to her,it seems like she just wanted someone ANYONE to talk to and you were there and she's probably a social type of person that can relate to most people on many levels,and even if you guys had more in common than most,it still don't mean anything really.My guess is that she's found someone else that she really likes,and she's probably just a fair weathered person. I am like this to,not only do I cling to people,but I lie to myself by thinking as if I had a strong connection with a certain person,when it was nothing to them.I just think its good to develop the ability to step outside of your emotions and look at the situation realistically,and not to take it too seriously.
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post #22 of 40 (permalink) Old 05-16-2011, 10:08 AM
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I have this issue... it seems like every time something good happens I become jaded and used to being happy. Then shortly after things get boring again... and the depression creeps its way back into my life. I especially have this problem with "significant others". I grew up with a severely bi-polar dad... and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way because that has made me who I am today. But because of that I have problems trusting people. I recently began talking to a guy who i really though was the one. We had to break up though because neither of us could take a long distance relationship. We were 120 miles away from each other and I was head over heals. Of course I was left broken. But I'm trying to look at it as a learning experience. He told me it was okay for me to trust him.... and that it was a good thing. Now I catch myself wanting to be anti-social and untrusting... but I now know life happens. I'm not going to become a emotional shut-in because of this. I'm not going to let this kill me. Because when I do find the one... I'll know it. Good luck justin99... my heart goes out to you. And everyone else out there. Good luck and know you have people out there... even if it is the overly analytical chick on the forum
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post #23 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-02-2011, 05:43 AM
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Sorry to drag up an old thread, but reading this thread has been really interesting for me because I have this exact problem! For me it seems to be cropping up with lecturers at uni. I don't have many friends and none of them know about my SA and panic disorder, whereas my lecturers do and are highly supportive of me (even more than my parents at times), and I feel like I have this real closeness with 2 of them in particular because of it. I am very conscious that the reason I feel so strongly attached to them because of all the personal info I have shared with them so that they can help me at uni, and therefore I make an effort not to be over-friendly with them. I have been feeling like a bit of a freak because of these feelings, so it is really comforting to read that other people experience similar problems.
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post #24 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-29-2011, 08:28 PM
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I feel so relieved to know know that other people are going through the same thing. It especially surprises me that guys feel this way too. I wish I had more friends and didn't obsess over mere acquaintances.
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post #25 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-29-2011, 09:00 PM
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I get too attached to people also. All of my "friends" are people who I only meet up with maybe 3 times a year even though I try to see if they have a weekend free or something. I know they probably aren't worth being friends with if they don't have the time for me. I guess I can also come across as unfriendly because of my SA or disinterested, sometimes I run out of things to say with a good friend who I still respect, but feel embarrassed around because I'm boring.

But I am also "clingy", in the few times I've been to a party I'll try and talk to one person, but I think they get creeped out by me repeatedly seeking them out for discussions. My boyfriend also gets sick of my clinginess and wants me to go out and do things by myself sometimes, which terrifies me.

I have come to the conclusion that I do need to change something about myself to attract friends, but I don't know what. I am also hoping that I will find someone I connect with here who will understand if sometimes I have nothing to say, or too much, or if I say it the wrong way.
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post #26 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-29-2011, 09:01 PM
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Yea I go through the exact same thing! I get overly clingy towards people Ive just met, and tend to get attatched very whenever I get hurt, I get really hurt cause that person usually means alot to me and my sa makes me assume that I meant nothing to them...happens all the time really. It also keeps me from getting close to people cause I just feel like whats the point, Im just going to get burned in the end

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post #27 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-29-2011, 09:02 PM
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I see this is an old thread too, but I'm new here so it's new to me. I don't know about forum ettiquette yet
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post #28 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-07-2012, 07:58 AM
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Originally Posted by justin99 View Post
I understand you completely. I think I used to come off as clingy, but I've quickly changed that recently, to where I'm a bit more reserved around others. That only seems to make matters worse though, because the thoughts about what they might think of me increase tenfold. In addition to this, I come off as someone with not much of a personality, which makes it very hard to establish friendships. It's very hard to remain socially active/interesting when there's no guidelines to tell you if you're trying too hard or not enough to make an impact on someone.
This is me down to a T, i came out of a 5 year relationship about 12 month ago (mutually and quite happy we are still amazing friends (rare)
and 6 months ago got into another with a much more successful, mature older bloody stunning woman (not much older perhaps .. ive just turned 25 she's 28.. but much more mature)
Any way, my personality litrally dissapeared, i wouldnt dare say or act in certain ways around her for fear of her judgement (which mind you.. she did readily dish out) .. any way.. i seemed to fall for this girl immediately even though we agreed to 'nothing serious' 6 months later of on and off and intense emotional moments and ice cold periods on her part and my wanting to see her every moment of every day, thinking about her constantly etc.. she finally told me she couldnt handle just 'being friends'.. she needed space to 'get over me' etc and then she would be able to be my friend properly.. (that could sound worse right?)
Naturally i have all the classic break up problems but i have high anxiety and now acute stress and im taking 80mg beater blockers .. the problem is, even though our relationship wasnt all that good, i was hugely stressed and not myself 90% of the time and really quite unhappy, i idolised her and i am utterly devistated by losing her.
I wish i could controll how much i emotionally invest in someone.. right now i feel like its just too dangerous to get into any more relationships as this happened with the one before also. (luckily got 5 years and it naturally died out.. she apparently was hugely overwhelmed by my behaviour but deeply loved me.. and im aware i took advantage of her all be it unintentionally)
If im honest.. i have abandonment issues with my mother and no real support system/ connections family wise etc... i really feel like the effection i crave and dont get from my family, coupled with my feelings of being abandonned and lonely for many years now, have lead me to take what i need from girlfriends in an unhealthy way (reverse daddy issues maybe?) i put too much stock into feeding my need for effection.. and ultimately ruin the relationship by being needy and smothering... ?

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post #29 of 40 (permalink) Old 07-14-2012, 09:43 PM
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Originally Posted by Derossi View Post
right now i feel like its just too dangerous to get into any more relationships as this happened with the one before also..
I feel this way too. I can get suicidal crazy psycho b*tch if someone I like isn't feeding me constant attention. I'll get so deeply depressed and cry for months (has happened before) and do things like get angry with them and try to inflict emotional pain on them.

Being single is not the worst thing ever in light of these problems. eh.. I will have a relationship with myself and be happy about it!! lol

Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy. ~Dale Carnegie
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post #30 of 40 (permalink) Old 07-15-2012, 01:25 AM
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The person think you have no friends but him, than he/she get scared of becoming like you.
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post #31 of 40 (permalink) Old 08-07-2012, 10:02 AM
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Sorry for bumping an old thread but I totally understand what everyone is going through in this thread..

I'm currently in a relationship and I feel very attached. My girlfriend is attached too but I'm a lot more. I also feel like its because I don't have many close friends and other options. I too have had close friends move away or become unstable to the point I can't hang around them. So I'm very dependent on my girlfriend. Its a very new feeling, before her I was someone who cheated and didnt take girls too seriously. Now I'm faithful and in deep love and I'm miserable when I'm away from my gf.
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post #32 of 40 (permalink) Old 08-07-2012, 11:27 PM
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I have the exact same problems. I appreciate people too much, even if I get little in return.
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post #33 of 40 (permalink) Old 01-12-2013, 08:07 AM
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I have been having similar problems to everyone else here and its great to know im not the only person. But that still leaves me with my problem and i have no idea how to fix it. If anyones interested heres a bit about it. So right now i have a boyfriend who ive been with for almost 2 years now but the thing is is that he is my first boyfriend ever and i know ive become majorly attached to him. Im pretty sure its happening both because ive never had that many close friends and every friend i do have will drop me the instant another of their friends is around. Also i think it is relevant that my mom died almost 3 years ago and at the time she was the person i was closest to because of my lack of friends. Even though i realize all this i have no idea what to do about it. I basically shut down when my boyfriend isnt with me even for small amounts of time so we are together most of the time but i feel as though i am threatening both our futures by doing this because right now neither of us has a job and i go to school but hate going and being away from him. Sorry for the rant but without friends to talk to i didnt know where else to go. Thanks to anyone who reads this
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post #34 of 40 (permalink) Old 01-12-2013, 02:26 PM
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I also experience this condition. Because of loneliness you appreciate too much the little things someone gives you and hold them high, when for them you are just another one person in their circle and not even in the close friends.

I have been attached to one 'friend' in school, then another uni and hiding in their shadow and not take action by myself for matters that involved me. In uni Since it was hard for me to present in classes i had been needy for someone to do the job, and although i would prefer to work a project on my own, i couldn't due to severe anxiety. As a result my 'friend' took advantage of my neediness and had me following his program , adjusting to his routine, and i even waited him 1-2 hours of being late for a meeting...

Same thing with my ex gf. She left me due to my SAD symptoms and i was so attached that she was all i had. After 5 years although i knew, i now experience the lonely life i am into. Every day is the same... But i do realise that i should stand by myself and never be attached to anyone that much. Relationships aren't that simple and you have to keep space and live your life for what you are and want to be and not to fulfill others needs and imagination.
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post #35 of 40 (permalink) Old 01-13-2013, 01:57 PM
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I have something similar. I moved while my two close friends stayed but I gave up on them, I'm tired of being to one trying though they always make it sound like I'm the one at fault anyhooo~ I have a few online friends so I'm oay but I do want one genuine one whom I can be with 24/7 lol..

I sometimes think I'm a parasite. I just need a host and I'd be fine :/""

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post #36 of 40 (permalink) Old 05-01-2014, 03:00 PM
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I'm having this problem. Known this girl for many years. and recently started talking again. We hang out almost every day, have had sex a couple times, and a friend of hers has told me that she told her she thinks she is falling for me. but she wants to move slow. I'm overly attached and think about her constantly. I always mess things up because of this, and really don't wanna mess this up. I posted a status about her in coded in binary and she found out what it meant and just said "for real for real??" its like i think about her and wanna tell the world about how awesome she is and can't stop myself from it..
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post #37 of 40 (permalink) Old 05-01-2014, 04:27 PM
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I'm definitely like this, that's why I tend to close myself off to people. I'm scared of being hurt. There is someone I have opened up to however.
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post #38 of 40 (permalink) Old 05-02-2014, 03:36 AM
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Same problem here, i've believe it's the main reason why i have yet to get a girlfriend.

It's rare to spend extended periods of time with people other than family and when i do i guess i just don't know how to react to the situation.
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post #39 of 40 (permalink) Old 10-20-2014, 05:01 PM
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I've always had an overly attachment personality and it didn't happen to just anyone it happened to people I felt connected with...But Last April/May I started a job and I worked with two other people one was a 75 year old man and I started to get to know him and started to get attached to him he became like a father figure to me (Didn't have the best father growing up) and well in late June he retired and I was sad so I started to get to know my other co-worker (Now good friend) whose 32 years old and my feelings have grown for him alot (Not in a romantic kind of way like a brotherly friend way) I care about him alot and he knows how I feel so its not like I am hiding it form him..It's just hes married and has two foster kids and he lives an hour away form me so its hard and I don't drive so makes it harder for me to travel. I just always want to be around him now and I miss him so much when I am not. I've been told happiness comes form within but I can't find happiness in me so my friend is my happiness I am always truly happy when I am around him even when I am in a bad mood. If I could move in with him I would. He says he is my friend but he said he doesn't have time for me right now cause of his "busy" life. I am trying to understand it but I want him to understand if I was around him more I'd be a whole lot happier..Right now I am only seeing him once a week before my job ends for the winter and I really sad because I am not sure if I can see him or not...I am not sure what to do I really depresses me...I've tired to forget about him by watching my favorite movies/tv shows and doing other things but it just doesn't work..I just want to be apart of his life more and then I will be happier about life.
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post #40 of 40 (permalink) Old 05-08-2018, 06:32 PM
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I started crying reading this because this is my problem as well thank you thank you so much. I'm on the journey to self knowledge.
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