Getting emotionally attached to people too easily - Page 14 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #261 of 273 (permalink) Old 09-26-2015, 03:35 PM
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Emotional attachment like this is a sign of BPD.

I'm not sure if there are other disorders or conditions that can leave someone susceptible to this.
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post #262 of 273 (permalink) Old 10-27-2015, 12:31 AM
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Thanks for Posting everyone - just reading there are many others like this help. I suffer from this badly.... It causes many issues, the biggest to deal with is that when relationships end, even if they are a short 3 week fling with a girl, I suffer massive heartache like I have just lost a partner of 20 years. I also just can't let go, when I know I should. Also, I notice I'm clingy, I compliment them so much and want to be with them and in contact with them all the time - it takes over my life if it's a girl and the relationship is sexual - even if I have only known them for a week. I had a 3 week fling with a girl who was great and she was always honest about it being temporary but I knew I'd get attached and I did and now its over I suffer bad heartache. Not her fault. I know its primarily caused by my lonliness and lack of a large social circle. Its so f---ing hard....

So whats the answer?
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post #263 of 273 (permalink) Old 10-27-2015, 10:07 AM
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I tend to get attached too. But I've figured out ways to cool off. Like being very rational and analysing it a little bit. I always come to the conclusion that I don't know the person that well and that he has several flaws I can't see right now. I also ask my self how does this person contribute in my life right this moment. Most of the times they don't. At least not yet. This really helps me cool off and get to know the person better without rushing and stressing out and having expectations. Think it out and you'll feel much better.

i'm serious
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post #264 of 273 (permalink) Old 10-27-2015, 12:48 PM
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I get attached to people very easily as well. To be honest I can get attached to anything (objects, pets etc.) very quickly, though being attached to a person lasts longer and is stronger. Mine stems from a childhood of abandonment so I cling on to anyone that gives me the time of day, doesn't always end well.
I've always thought it was BPD but my therapist/psychiatrist has never brought it up and I've been to nervous/scared to.

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post #265 of 273 (permalink) Old 12-13-2015, 08:08 PM
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I suffer with social anxiety and I often get attached to people straight away, but it's mainly older men. I have just started a new job and I've started to become really attached to the manager. I am really worried about it because we've never actually had a proper conversation and I'm only 19 and he's in his 50's I wouldn't say it was a sexual attraction but it's like I've become obsessed with him, I think about him all the time and it scares me because I don't even know him at all. He's not even good looking but this happened quite a lot when I was at school with any male teachers that were nice to me and I feel like some sort of freak, I've had a real crush on a teacher before but that was a totally different feeling. I feel like some sort of freak and was wondering if anyone else with social anxiety has ever experienced these sorts of feelings. I just want to feel normal and I can't seem to figure out why I like him, I find it really hard to act normal around him as well because always think how have I managed to become obsessed with someone I know nothing about. I often find myself worrying about what would happen if anyone found out about how easily attached I get and thinks I'm weird because this surely can't be normal. Thanks for your help xx
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post #266 of 273 (permalink) Old 12-13-2015, 08:18 PM
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That's why I try to have a good amount of people to talk to, 'cause the more lonelier you are the more you might cling to people. 'Cause having a lot of people in your life will also make it not as bad if you lose people.

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post #267 of 273 (permalink) Old 12-13-2015, 09:12 PM
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I have this same problem. And I think it's because I was with the same girl for about 5 years all through highschool and a bit after. I miss that connection, so everytime I meet a girl who I get along with my longing for something similar pushes me into being attached. It sucks.

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post #268 of 273 (permalink) Old 12-13-2015, 09:49 PM
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I tend to get attached to some types of people. But, if they're clearly not that interested or attached to me, why should I really care about them? That helps me to decouple and move on.
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post #269 of 273 (permalink) Old 01-11-2016, 05:49 PM
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I wondered if I was the only one that gets attached too easily. I have struggled with this for years. Finally, decided to Google it and see what I could find.

My most recent attachment was a girl I met in a mutual interest Facebook group. We started chatting and I thought we hit it off. When I found out she matches on nearly everything I am looking for, we talked about meeting in person and she seemed okay with that. We talked for a year, things seemed to be going super well and I recently brought it up again. She made it clear she is not interested. Whether she has cold feet or she was yanking my chain, I donít know. I feel like such a loser.


My attachment before that was to my female physical therapist for an injured back. I saw her for 6 weeks and as usual, got a stupid attachment. The last day was sad.

Iíve gotten attached to my physicians assistant. Even the techs that hook me up for plasma donation. Theyíll ask me something and I perceive that as interest. I dunno why I am so stupid.

I am sure there is more, but you get the idea. I wish there was a pill I could take to shut this all down. I am tired of the immense emotional pain of flaky or non existent friendships. The stupid thing is it feels like a breakup, even if there was NO relation/friendship. In many ways I just want to die, because I am fairly certain it wonít get better. I donít know HOW to get to know a person without getting attached/invested.

I donít feel I am clingy when trying to make friends, but maybe because I value quality over quantity it comes across as clingy. I donít know. Maybe I really am clingy and try to deny it.

As if it wasnít hard enough to make friends, I am moderately deaf, and going blind, so going out is difficult.

If I meet someone online I get it in my head we should meet fairly soon, even though it feels like weeks or months has passed, even if I just ďmetĒ them a few days prior. I read an article recently about depressives and a time warp of sorts.

I constantly overanalyze what someone does or says, and thatís another thing that irritates me to no end.

Some days I want to marry, but I canít imagine any woman putting up with my crap. That, among a myriad of other things has me in a depression I donít think Iíll ever recover from.

Iím loyal, I give it my all, but in the end it doesnít matter. People just take and toss.

Iím a hopeless romantic, with emphasis on hopeless. Before I die, I would like to experience the love of a good woman. I donít think thatís unreasonable.
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post #270 of 273 (permalink) Old 01-12-2016, 03:16 PM
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wow i feel you im the same way and i get that way towards boys *sighs*
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post #271 of 273 (permalink) Old 04-16-2016, 04:22 PM
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Oh my god. I practically read through this entire thread and could relate so much.

Incoming wall of text. I want to share my story and what I learned.

So basically I've been trying to understand why I keep ****ing up my friendships/relationships with people and why I was never content in my life, and this thread has just hit the nail on the head. I think it all comes down to having a void that we need to fill with self-love, but because we don't have the right tools to do that, we go take the "easy" route and try to gain love from other people. It's almost like a survival instinct. It's this urgent feeling inside of you pushing you to find a connection so you can receive validation and feel the love you cannot give yourself. It has to do with self-worth.

Some people here mentioned it's either 0% or all the way to 100%. This is exactly me. I either don't care and pull away COMPLETELY, or if I get attached I am there 100%. It's scary and very unhealthy.

Years ago I made an online friend who I really connected with, that's something that rarely happens to me. So as I kept talking to her and she accepted me with my flaws and all, it's almost like I fell for her even though I'm straight. I invested so much into the friendship yet I was also very insecure and scared that she would just stop talking to me. I felt a clusterf*** of emotions all at once. Any signs of pulling away on her part, I would immediately begin to think she hated me and it was over, when in reality people just need their space and don't want to emotionally babysit someone 24/7. I got so paranoid that I ended up cutting it off before she could, before she realized something was REALLY wrong with me. And I knew something was wrong with me so I had to go and figure it out. The painful story continues.

What I did after that as a coping mechanism, I filled "the void" with negative emotions towards others for not understanding me, since I always felt left out from family and very different from most of the friends I ever had (except the girl I just mentioned). Now it didn't have to hurt anymore and I NEVER got lonely, EVER. I preferred to be alone, not just because of my introversion but because I genuinely felt disconnected from practically everyone in my life. I absolutely hated people who were clingy or even liked me to the point where they wanted to be friends with me, I found it annoying and never opened myself up. The walls around me were very high. The problem here was that the void was still there because it wasn't filled "authentically" by understanding and being kind to myself. I was like a black hole instead of someone radiating their true self. I was guarded instead of "okay with who I am". That's the key that I would eventually come to learn.

So fast forward a couple more years, one day I began working on my confidence and anxieties and made some progress. Not too much, but JUST enough to get rid of those negative feelings and coping mechanisms I had within myself. It got to the point where I began liking myself a little so I wasn't as blind and negative to the world around me anymore. The "void" now contained only a fraction of darkness mixed with VERY LITTLE positivity. The majority of it still empty. At this point, I came across a guy who I really connected with. I went from 0% to 100000000000% on the inside. I created all these scenarios and fantasies in my head, I legitimately made up a relationship with him FOR MONTHS ON END although we were mere acquaintances. It wasn't that he showed me kindness and I fell for him right away (this is probably where I can't exactly relate to some of you who posted in this thread), no, we were just very similar minded and since that's a rarity, I was so excited and wanted to make everything happen at once. I tried to control myself and it worked up to a point, he showed interest back and didn't seem appalled/scared, but my emotions just took over and, long story short, he ended up walking away because I said something that gave away my neediness or at the very least, I'm sure he felt something was off about me. I was completely devastated at that point, seriously so depressed for months, I used to get nightmares over it and how much I embarrassed myself and how pathetic I must've looked.

I was left with the void and absolutely NO coping mechanisms to fill it with anymore, because I knew they were coping mechanisms and not the truth. I couldn't lie to myself by saying "I don't need people, they're all horrible and I just want to be completely alone, F*** EVERYONE" like I used to. Imagine that, when you have nothing to grasp and nothing to soothe you in the hardest times. Not even yourself, since you still don't have a sense of identity and you have no idea what it really means to be okay with who you are.

It was one of the darkest points in my life, hands down. And it was during that time that I was the most vulnerable I had ever been, desperate for friends, and I immediately took a liking to anyone who smiled at me or exchanged a couple of words with. That lasted only a couple of weeks though before I realized why I was doing it.

It's been over a year since then and I can finally look back and look at everything objectively. In the end what I realized is that it's never about the other person/people, not really. It's about us. We MUST be content within ourselves. No one, not even me, would want someone who's very dependent and 'incomplete'. That puts way too much pressure on someone, it's almost like having to take care of a little kid who continuously throws tantrums and begs for attention. It's downright suffocating.
I feel like I should publish a book on this.
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post #272 of 273 (permalink) Old 04-16-2016, 08:55 PM
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Oh my god. I practically read through this entire thread and could relate so much.

Incoming wall of text. I want to share my story and what I learned.

So basically I've been trying to understand why I keep ****ing up my friendships/relationships with people and why I was never content in my life, and this thread has just hit the nail on the head. I think it all comes down to having a void that we need to fill with self-love, but because we don't have the right tools to do that, we go take the "easy" route and try to gain love from other people. It's almost like a survival instinct. It's this urgent feeling inside of you pushing you to find a connection so you can receive validation and feel the love you cannot give yourself. It has to do with self-worth.

Some people here mentioned it's either 0% or all the way to 100%. This is exactly me. I either don't care and pull away COMPLETELY, or if I get attached I am there 100%. It's scary and very unhealthy.

Years ago I made an online friend who I really connected with, that's something that rarely happens to me. So as I kept talking to her and she accepted me with my flaws and all, it's almost like I fell for her even though I'm straight. I invested so much into the friendship yet I was also very insecure and scared that she would just stop talking to me. I felt a clusterf*** of emotions all at once. Any signs of pulling away on her part, I would immediately begin to think she hated me and it was over, when in reality people just need their space and don't want to emotionally babysit someone 24/7. I got so paranoid that I ended up cutting it off before she could, before she realized something was REALLY wrong with me. And I knew something was wrong with me so I had to go and figure it out. The painful story continues.

What I did after that as a coping mechanism, I filled "the void" with negative emotions towards others for not understanding me, since I always felt left out from family and very different from most of the friends I ever had (except the girl I just mentioned). Now it didn't have to hurt anymore and I NEVER got lonely, EVER. I prefered to be alone, not just because of my introversion but because I genuinely felt disconnected from practically everyone in my life. I absolutely hated people who were clingy or even liked me to the point where they wanted to be friends with me, I found it annoying and never opened myself up. The walls around me were very high. The problem here was that the void was still there because it wasn't filled "authentically" by understanding and being kind to myself. I was like a black hole instead of someone radiating their true self. I was guarded instead of "okay with who I am". That's the key that I would eventually come to learn.

So fast forward a couple more years, one day I began working on my confidence and anxieties and made some progress. Not too much, but JUST enough to get rid of those negative feelings and coping mechanisms I had within myself. It got to the point where I began liking myself a little so I wasn't as blind and negative to the world around me anymore. The "void" now contained only a fraction of darkness mixed with VERY LITTLE positivity. The majority of it still empty. At this point, I came across a guy who I really connected with. I went from 0% to 100000000000% on the inside. I created all these scenarios and fantasies in my head, I legitimately made up a relationship with him FOR MONTHS ON END although we were mere acquaintances. It wasn't that he showed me kindness and I fell for him right away (this is probably where I can't exactly relate to some of you who posted in this thread), no, we were just very similar minded and since that's a rarity, I was so excited and wanted to make everything happen at once. I tried to control myself and it worked up to a point, he showed interest back and didn't seem appalled/scared, but my emotions just took over and, long story short, he ended up walking away because I said something that gave away my neediness or at the very least, I'm sure he felt something was off about me. I was completely devastated at that point, seriously so depressed for months, I used to get nightmares over it and how much I embarrassed myself and how pathetic I must've looked.

I was left with the void and absolutely NO coping mechanisms to fill it with anymore, because I knew they were coping mechanisms and not the truth. I couldn't lie to myself by saying "I don't need people, they're all horrible and I just want to be completely alone, F*** EVERYONE" like I used to. Imagine that, when you have nothing to grasp and nothing to soothe you in the hardest times. Not even yourself, since you still don't have a sense of identity and you have no idea what it really means to be okay with who you are.

It was one of the darkest points in my life, hands down. And it was during that time that I was the most vulnerable I had ever been, desperate for friends, and I immediately took a liking to anyone who smiled at me or exchanged a couple of words with. That lasted only a couple of weeks though before I realized why I was doing it.

It's been over a year since then and I can finally look back and look at everything objectively. In the end what I realized is that it's never about the other person/people, not really. It's about us. We MUST be content within ourselves. No one, not even me, would want someone who's very dependent and 'incomplete'. That puts way too much pressure on someone, it's almost like having to take care of a little kid who continuously throws tantrums and begs for attention. It's downright suffocating.

I feel like I should publish a book on this.
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post #273 of 273 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 06:33 AM
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yes, when I meet certain people and really like them. I can too get attached to some degree and it can hurt when you have to leave their life.. or they have to leave theirs. Like for me. I move a lot in life. Every 2 years I wind up moving to a new area and I have to leave all the people behind that I met in that area. I sometimes keep in touch with some of the people In that past area... but not all of them. So yeah, I do know what its like to be attached to people to some degree and they to have them pop out of your life. But I have adapted to this and just have gotten to know that this is just the way it is. In our adult life... people often come into our life for a season. And once that season is over they often move on in life...or you have to move on in life and then they are gone. I have come to know that is the way it goes..so well Now what I do is really try to get to enjoy people and their company while we have time together and I also like to try and get a few pics of us together for the memory. But I also have learnt not to try to hard to keep people in my life if they need to move on. Because sometimes I call people from the past and they dont get back to me... I just take it as it is. They are too busy or maybe have too many things going on in their life and just dont have time for me anymore.. I have learnt to just move on. As I see it there are always other people to make friends with and life is short. So I dont obsess over maintaining a relationship with any person if now there is no time...or now the circumstances are not right. I just chalk it up as....well we had a lot of good times together now its time to move on.
thats what works for me
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