Freezing up, Stammering.. Pausing Thoughts - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 11-13-2014, 06:24 AM Thread Starter
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Freezing up, Stammering.. Pausing Thoughts


I've had to accept a lot of things due to Social Anxiety.. but with the heading/title of my post, i honestly don't think i can keep this up any longer i wouldn't classify myself a hermit, necessarily.. i do go out for school/work related activities.. or events if i need to, but generally i'm starting to find myself prefer to stay in a familiar place & i'm worried.. but that's not really the core of the question, i'm feeling like these habits are becoming more intense due to the descriptions in my heading, i know SA makes us act in ways we don't always have control over.. but the freezing up at harsh criticism/aggressiveness, or feeling like you're gonna turn into a statue.. even loss of thought's & words is getting out of hand.. i'm trying to finish up my schooling & get a decent job, plus possibly look for something else on the side.. & i feel like these side effects of SA are going to be a serious problem, i can't change the fact that i didn't interact properly as a kid.. or not have much exposure to the world as much as others, but the fact is that.. we live in a world that rewards & pushes hard work & determination.. & along with that comes the harsh critics, yelling.. sometimes even insults, you have to hear that in the workplace.. or in training for a job/interview etc, i feel like for awhile.. i've always been somewhat trying to please people so that i don't appear to get a negative reaction out of them, it's not so that everyone likes me.. honestly.. i don't expect everyone to like me, but then, if i do come across someone who appears stern, of authority.. or just seems aggressive, it's hard not to get those extreme anxiety symptoms of freezing up, feeling like you're head is frozen as well.. mumbling words, lack of consistent thought .. it was easy to ignore this for awhile.. but i'm seriously worried that i won't be able to adapt to everyday types of people or situations, it's already starting to ruin my life.. if anyone has any suggestions on how to control or curb these behaviors when they occur, please reply.. i don't think i can put up with this anymore, i don't expect a cure, but just something where.. i'm not focused on those emotions; sometimes i fear that stuff can actually bring on a panic attack.

"Laughter is the music of the heart"

(Got that from a centerpiece..in my room)


Saltwater in the afternoon
So scared of seeing you
Saltwater at the end of Spring
So tired of hurting me


Come to the ocean
Even when you're broken


Sunrise when you call my name
Oh I thought you had something to say
When the tide washed me in
You and I no longer a thing
Unrepentantly I've waited for you



"Geowulf"

Skype: "bigchibuzi"

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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 11-13-2014, 07:35 PM
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 11-14-2014, 09:42 AM
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I was a big people pleaser at your age. Just like you I gave in many times to people's wants and needs so I wouldn't disappoint them. I started to change when I finally decided to change my mindset because I grew tired of being a doormat for everyone.

Instead of taking criticism and rejection as a slap against me as an individual. I look at it at a completely different angle now. If some tells me no I just move on to the next. You have to understand if you don't take action on anything you will get nothing. Which means nothing in your life will change. In look at it with a positive note by saying a no or criticism has brought me closer to my goals.

Stop living life by default. Instead design the life you want. You are in control of your thoughts and life.

I don't know if you know the story of Colonel Sanders of Ketucky Fried Chicken. He wanted to sell his chicken recipe to restaurants at the age of 65 when most people have given up because they think they are to old to start anything new.

He got rejected by 1500 restaurants before someone said yes to his recipe. Most people would have give up after 200 nevermind 1500.

Just some food for thought and hope that inspires you. Everyone in this forum are born with unique gifts it's up to you to take action to bring it out.

Raz Chan
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 11-14-2014, 10:11 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Raz C View Post
I was a big people pleaser at your age. Just like you I gave in many times to people's wants and needs so I wouldn't disappoint them. I started to change when I finally decided to change my mindset because I grew tired of being a doormat for everyone.

Instead of taking criticism and rejection as a slap against me as an individual. I look at it at a completely different angle now. If some tells me no I just move on to the next. You have to understand if you don't take action on anything you will get nothing. Which means nothing in your life will change. In look at it with a positive note by saying a no or criticism has brought me closer to my goals.

Stop living life by default. Instead design the life you want. You are in control of your thoughts and life.

I don't know if you know the story of Colonel Sanders of Ketucky Fried Chicken. He wanted to sell his chicken recipe to restaurants at the age of 65 when most people have given up because they think they are to old to start anything new.

He got rejected by 1500 restaurants before someone said yes to his recipe. Most people would have give up after 200 nevermind 1500.

Just some food for thought and hope that inspires you. Everyone in this forum are born with unique gifts it's up to you to take action to bring it out.
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Originally Posted by wisteria View Post
I know what you mean. I try to put on a brave face when interacting when others but when a hint of criticism is sent in my direction, I have a hard time handling it. My confidence levels drop and I take on the symptoms I tried hard to cover up (freezing, difficulty finding words, depersonalization).

Appreciate it, i understand that.. rejection is a part of life, & i want to be open to rejection & the harsh criticism's, it's not that i have a problem being said no to or anything.. it's just the side-effects that come with them, depending on the type of criticism or rejection.. i end up feeling a sharp pain sometimes in my gut, like a physical pain.. & i don't like how when i'm trying to better myself, my words come out in stammers, especially if i'm dealing with someone of authority.. or of stern nature, i know it's not supposed to be easy, but if there's some type of mechanism, or anything i can do to curb those emotions.. so they don't get to me too much, i know that for many.. you're anxiety just ends up coming out when you are in a situation.. whether it be work or any type of exposure situation, my only concern is that people see you're vulnerability & may decide you aren't fit for a certain job, position etc. I absolutely believe in exposure.. but i also feel that many people won't understand, especially if you are in a successful career.. i don't know if i'm making sense, probably not but i thank you all for you're response

"Laughter is the music of the heart"

(Got that from a centerpiece..in my room)


Saltwater in the afternoon
So scared of seeing you
Saltwater at the end of Spring
So tired of hurting me


Come to the ocean
Even when you're broken


Sunrise when you call my name
Oh I thought you had something to say
When the tide washed me in
You and I no longer a thing
Unrepentantly I've waited for you



"Geowulf"

Skype: "bigchibuzi"

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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 11-14-2014, 01:19 PM
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I can definitely relate. I'm the same way when it comes to dealing with people who are aggressive and/or in positions of authority. It is difficult for me to communicate clearly/effectively with people like that because I'm already rather timid in the way I interact with people in general and those particular types of people bring out my anxiousness and innate sheepishness even more, as I feel intimidated by them. Criticism isn't very easy for me to take either. I'll try to put on a tough face like "I'm a big girl. I can handle it. This doesn't hurt. You don't bother me"...but it often hits me on a really personal level, so much so that I start criticizing myself in my head. Depending on what the person says/how harsh it is said, I'll continue to mentally beat myself up and the comment(s) will linger in my mind for hours or even days. You would think I'd have thicker skin by now, after having my artwork scrutinized and criticized by peers and instructors for years...but nah.

I'm dealing with these issues as well and I'm not dealing with them very well so I don't think any advice I give here would be useful or helpful to you. I really wish I had some good advice to offer. I'm sorry you're dealing with all this. It sucks, man. It really does. Just know that you are not alone and I care.
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 11-14-2014, 03:39 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by LolaViola View Post
I can definitely relate. I'm the same way when it comes to dealing with people who are aggressive and/or in positions of authority. It is difficult for me to communicate clearly/effectively with people like that because I'm already rather timid in the way I interact with people in general and those particular types of people bring out my anxiousness and innate sheepishness even more, as I feel intimidated by them. Criticism isn't very easy for me to take either. I'll try to put on a tough face like "I'm a big girl. I can handle it. This doesn't hurt. You don't bother me"...but it often hits me on a really personal level, so much so that I start criticizing myself in my head. Depending on what the person says/how harsh it is said, I'll continue to mentally beat myself up and the comment(s) will linger in my mind for hours or even days. You would think I'd have thicker skin by now, after having my artwork scrutinized and criticized by peers and instructors for years...but nah.

I'm dealing with these issues as well and I'm not dealing with them very well so I don't think any advice I give here would be useful or helpful to you. I really wish I had some good advice to offer. I'm sorry you're dealing with all this. It sucks, man. It really does. Just know that you are not alone and I care.
Thanks, i do appreciate it i don't expect a cakewalk.. just to be able to manage it, but thank you it's nice to hear people who are having to deal with similar things.

"Laughter is the music of the heart"

(Got that from a centerpiece..in my room)


Saltwater in the afternoon
So scared of seeing you
Saltwater at the end of Spring
So tired of hurting me


Come to the ocean
Even when you're broken


Sunrise when you call my name
Oh I thought you had something to say
When the tide washed me in
You and I no longer a thing
Unrepentantly I've waited for you



"Geowulf"

Skype: "bigchibuzi"

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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 11-14-2014, 06:58 PM
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I think the road forward for anyone with social anxiety is to openly accept and admit their anxieties. If your boss is talking to you and your mind goes blank, simply tell him/her you are feeling a little nervous and are blanking out right now. Don't beat yourself up about it.

Underlying all of this, however, is the fact that you have to build up your self-esteem by always being more invested in the opinion of yourself than you are invested in the opinions of others. Discover and love your authentic self, and you will become less and less worried about the reactions of other people or how you will react in front of them. In fact, if you focus on loving your true self enough and being authentic to your true self, you could reach a place of social freedom where you won't even care at all what other people think. This takes time, but it is worth the effort. Symptoms of anxiety will subside as self-esteem and radical authenticity increase. Good luck!
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