I do crave it but unfortunately life keeps dragging me out of the house for work, groceries, and the occasional social obligations.

Oh yes me too. It makes me high, like a dreamy haze. I used to feel it alot more on antidepressants, now I have to wait until I'm manic and psychotic to feel it. I used to go out with dates at the mall near closing time and it was spooky just me and them. And I liked it a lot. It was like a dream, you know how in dreams it feels kind of the same, I think it feels kind of the same, in dreams especially.

I'm pretty much thankful for this extreme isolation due to the pandemic, but I do miss going out and staying late at the mall with dates so I can experience this dream-like spooky moment that feels like a dream. Otherwise I enjoy hibernating at home and losing my mind and thinking my dreams are real and my life is fake. It feels bad too, I want to go to the mall and hang out by myself even, otherwise I have to dream it up in my dreams.

Yeah even when I used to hang out with my family outside in the woods or outside their houses, it was so nice and dark, alone with myself and the morning like at 4 am. It was so beautiful, just me and the world at 4 am, in the present moment, it feels like I'm dreaming! I even told these people that it feels like a high dreaming moment and they called me crazy. Eh, not my problem if I have some schizophrenic traits and they feel uncomfortable.

But yeah, I dig these moments and create them always for myself, it's a way to not feel so lonely even though I am alone. Even though I am alone, I ain't that scared because I can create intense moments for myself out of everyday reality. Sometimes I get so dreamy I can go up to strangers and interact with them. Hopefully one day it'll end up waking me up and it was just a dream. But until then, it'll be just me doing exposure therapy and manipulating reality. Oh it feels like derealization+depersonalization!

I like the idea at times because I am an introverted person. I like spending time to myself. But then other times I wish to have friends and I end up feeling lonely.

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-Snip-

I've been spending most of my time at home the past 3 months and I actually love it. I prefer peace and quiet most of the time.

My fiance is out of work too, so we basically get to snuggle, f**k, eat snacks, and watch movies all day.

It's a needed reprieve after having a miserable job where I was ostracized and bullied for being different.

Yes, I need my prolonged isolation. It's the only way I can know some peace. It's the only place I can gather my thoughts.