Does anyone crave periods of prolonged isolation? - Social Anxiety Forum
Reply
 
Thread Tools
post #1 of 23 (permalink) Old 09-06-2020, 06:59 PM Thread Starter
Failure's Art
 
either/or's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2020
Gender: Male
Posts: 914

Does anyone crave periods of prolonged isolation?


I do, and always have, craved prolonged periods of complete isolation. Not just "me time" or "alone time", this is deeper than that. And not just because I'm uncomfortable around people and want to escape, but isolation for isolation's sake if that makes sense. If you could cure my SA right now I think I'd still crave it.

This is not to say that I want to exist completely apart from society. I don't. I live in the city and actually really like city life. I just want to spend a significant amount of time in isolation by myself. I've been like this since I was a kid. When I was a kid I used to spend hours and hours by myself in the woods or other random locations. For some reason I find a lot of solace and comfort being completely alone especially in stark and barren places, i.e. the woods or alpine tundra in winter. I think it's because these barren places invoke "aloneness" so well.

I also have this weird desire to visit public places at odd hours when no one is around and just experience the places for myself, and have them all to myself. It's like they take on a life of their own when you do that - they're no longer defined by the people that give them their utility, instead they exist in a separate and different space altogether. It's like you're seeing them naked or something. Like you're experiencing something illicit or secret somehow. I find something so completely surreal about it.

I'm not sure if there is a word that describes this kind of craving and frame of mind or why I want so badly to spend days or even weeks in compete isolation by myself or experience shared spaces alone in the middle of the night. Not sure if anyone else craves these things or maybe I'm just a lot weirder than I thought.

Everybody knows you only live a day but it's brilliant anyway
either/or is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 23 (permalink) Old 09-06-2020, 09:47 PM
Barbells and kittens
 
JH1983's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,653
I'm a night delivery driver in the rural Midwest. I get the thing about going places at odd hours. Never really thought about it till I got this job, but it is kind of surreal. Like a whole different world late at night. Part of my route takes me through a national forest and a lot of my stores are in very small and isolated towns and I'm there when nobody else is around. I sometimes wonder what they're like in the daytime.
Posted via Mobile Device
JH1983 is offline  
post #3 of 23 (permalink) Old 09-06-2020, 10:58 PM
SAS Member
 
Khyle785's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: 19/f/Connecticut
Gender: Female
Age: 34
Posts: 135
My Mood: Fine
Quote:
Originally Posted by either/or View Post
I do, and always have, craved prolonged periods of complete isolation. Not just "me time" or "alone time", this is deeper than that. And not just because I'm uncomfortable around people and want to escape, but isolation for isolation's sake if that makes sense. If you could cure my SA right now I think I'd still crave it.

This is not to say that I want to exist completely apart from society. I don't. I live in the city and actually really like city life. I just want to spend a significant amount of time in isolation by myself. I've been like this since I was a kid. When I was a kid I used to spend hours and hours by myself in the woods or other random locations. For some reason I find a lot of solace and comfort being completely alone especially in stark and barren places, i.e. the woods or alpine tundra in winter. I think it's because these barren places invoke "aloneness" so well.

I also have this weird desire to visit public places at odd hours when no one is around and just experience the places for myself, and have them all to myself. It's like they take on a life of their own when you do that - they're no longer defined by the people that give them their utility, instead they exist in a separate and different space altogether. It's like you're seeing them naked or something. Like you're experiencing something illicit or secret somehow. I find something so completely surreal about it.

I'm not sure if there is a word that describes this kind of craving and frame of mind or why I want so badly to spend days or even weeks in compete isolation by myself or experience shared spaces alone in the middle of the night. Not sure if anyone else craves these things or maybe I'm just a lot weirder than I thought.

Yes I def share so much of your need to experience the vacant spaces in public. That is the great thing to emerge out of the COVID lockdowns - I go to places b/c I know everyone is too afraid to go and there will be no one there... it is so nice and refreshing. There is probably a french term for it! haha The french have so many assigned terms for feelings or situations that we don't have (deja vu is one) in the english language. I'm a night owl because I so crave personal time and just not having the stress of talking and interacting with others in my household even.

"As soon as you're born you start dyin'
So you might as well have a good time"

"Fear is the greatest illusion"
Khyle785 is offline  
 
post #4 of 23 (permalink) Old 09-06-2020, 11:34 PM
Fupa King
 
donistired's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2018
Location: United States
Language: English
Gender: Male
Age: 24
Posts: 678
I went on drive by myself the other day, and ended up in an empty church parking lot to make a turn. Saw an empty gazebo by some pine trees, and had a very strong desire to go sit there by myself.

Life's Wack
donistired is offline  
post #5 of 23 (permalink) Old 09-06-2020, 11:40 PM
Temporarily Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: I've come to burn your kingdom down one ****post at a time
Language: Eng (UK,) 下手な日本語
Posts: 40,311
Sometimes I want to get away from everyone and everything especially family members or people irl, just disappear somewhere far away. I don't know that it's a craving for isolation so much as a stress response for me. Get it a lot with my dad in particular.

I've been nightwalking a few times, that's nice. I like how different everything is when most people are sleeping and all the animals come out. I do feel a lot more comfortable at night.
Persephone The Dread is offline  
post #6 of 23 (permalink) Old 09-06-2020, 11:57 PM
Pesky Pessimist
 
Blue Dino's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 7,198
I crave periods of short isolation. Short as in 12-24 hours. Isolation longer than that, I usually go into zombie mode and get depressed and unmotivated, which I hate. Once I'm in that mode, it's hard to really kick myself back out into socially functional mode. Usually when that happens, I become even more socially awkward and more out of it.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
Blue Dino is offline  
post #7 of 23 (permalink) Old 09-07-2020, 12:39 PM
Royally F***ed
 
truant's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Cislandia
Gender: Transgender
Age: 48
Posts: 9,834
My Mood: Brooding
Quote:
Originally Posted by either/or View Post
I also have this weird desire to visit public places at odd hours when no one is around and just experience the places for myself, and have them all to myself. It's like they take on a life of their own when you do that - they're no longer defined by the people that give them their utility, instead they exist in a separate and different space altogether. It's like you're seeing them naked or something. Like you're experiencing something illicit or secret somehow. I find something so completely surreal about it.
I totally get this. I used to go night walking all the time. (I've always been a night owl.) I love seeing public spaces after everything is shut down and everyone's gone home. But for me, it has a lot to do with my feeling of safety, because I only really feel safe when I'm alone. But despite that, I hate being isolated and don't crave isolation. I don't think I ever really enjoy being alone (which is why I keep coming here to post instead of working).

I tend to be happiest when there are other people around, but only if I happen to feel safe around those people. I grew up in a large family and was basically never alone. There was always someone else around. I was happiest when I was living with friends when I was younger. I get really lonely being by myself all the time. But I'm too scared of most people to not be alone. So I have to choose between loneliness and fear. And loneliness is just the less intensely painful emotion.

Is it just me or is it getting crazier out there.
truant is offline  
post #8 of 23 (permalink) Old 09-07-2020, 03:44 PM Thread Starter
Failure's Art
 
either/or's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2020
Gender: Male
Posts: 914
Quote:
Originally Posted by JH1983 View Post
I'm a night delivery driver in the rural Midwest. I get the thing about going places at odd hours. Never really thought about it till I got this job, but it is kind of surreal. Like a whole different world late at night. Part of my route takes me through a national forest and a lot of my stores are in very small and isolated towns and I'm there when nobody else is around. I sometimes wonder what they're like in the daytime.
Posted via Mobile Device
It really is surreal, like stepping through a portal into a facsimile universe or something. I feel like if you saw them during the daytime you'd be disappointed because they'd be so ordinary, all the mystery would be gone

Quote:
Originally Posted by Khyle785 View Post
Yes I def share so much of your need to experience the vacant spaces in public. That is the great thing to emerge out of the COVID lockdowns - I go to places b/c I know everyone is too afraid to go and there will be no one there... it is so nice and refreshing. There is probably a french term for it! haha The french have so many assigned terms for feelings or situations that we don't have (deja vu is one) in the english language. I'm a night owl because I so crave personal time and just not having the stress of talking and interacting with others in my household even.
haha yea I was thinking there has to be some kind term for this kind of experience, like deja vu or the Danish hygge. Honestly wasn't sure if I was the only one who experiences this but based on the replies in this thread sounds like it's somewhat common so there ought to be a word for it. Maybe it needs to be invented. But yea I am also a night owl, part of that is my circadian rhythm but its also a desire to experience the quiet and desolation and otherworldliness of the night.


Quote:
Originally Posted by donistired View Post
I went on drive by myself the other day, and ended up in an empty church parking lot to make a turn. Saw an empty gazebo by some pine trees, and had a very strong desire to go sit there by myself.
Yea I completely understand this urge and also going on drives by yourself. I used to go on long drives to get away from everything and just be by myself for a while.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Persephone The Dread View Post
Sometimes I want to get away from everyone and everything especially family members or people irl, just disappear somewhere far away. I don't know that it's a craving for isolation so much as a stress response for me. Get it a lot with my dad in particular.

I've been nightwalking a few times, that's nice. I like how different everything is when most people are sleeping and all the animals come out. I do feel a lot more comfortable at night.
I will feel this way due to stress too, or just the feeling that everyone is on top of me and I need to get away (more so when I was younger and not living by myself but still get that when I have to deal with neighbors etc.) but for me it's more like isolation has its own value, separate from the fact that it is just a means to turn other people off for a bit.

Yea, I love nightwalking. I started doing it when I first starting getting into photography because its just easier to get good shots without so many people around but also because everything just looks cool and mysterious at night, especially when the blackness of the night is interrupted by streams or angles of light revealing certain features of a building or surface. I like the feeling of having the place to yourself.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue Dino View Post
I crave periods of short isolation. Short as in 12-24 hours. Isolation longer than that, I usually go into zombie mode and get depressed and unmotivated, which I hate. Once I'm in that mode, it's hard to really kick myself back out into socially functional mode. Usually when that happens, I become even more socially awkward and more out of it.
I like periods of short isolation too, and mostly that is what they are because its not really possible to be too isolated for too long but if I could disappear into a cabin in the woods for a week or a month and be alone there the entire time I'd feel completely comfortable and satiated, I wouldn't need a thing in the world. But I hear you about it affecting your ability to socialize, the more time you spend alone the worse it is for your social skills as they tend to lapse a bit.

Quote:
Originally Posted by truant View Post
I totally get this. I used to go night walking all the time. (I've always been a night owl.) I love seeing public spaces after everything is shut down and everyone's gone home. But for me, it has a lot to do with my feeling of safety, because I only really feel safe when I'm alone. But despite that, I hate being isolated and don't crave isolation. I don't think I ever really enjoy being alone (which is why I keep coming here to post instead of working).

I tend to be happiest when there are other people around, but only if I happen to feel safe around those people. I grew up in a large family and was basically never alone. There was always someone else around. I was happiest when I was living with friends when I was younger. I get really lonely being by myself all the time. But I'm too scared of most people to not be alone. So I have to choose between loneliness and fear. And loneliness is just the less intensely painful emotion.
I get what you're saying about being happy around others. For me it can be tough to be around other people but I also do get lonely. I don't crave isolation all the time, its just one thing I crave, I also crave community too. I'm just no good at community and I'm good at isolation haha. But yea, I understand what it's like to choose between loneliness and fear, this is a choice I have to make all the time. Unlike you however, I can find a great deal of solace and wonder in the isolation. I hope you're able to find a happy medium somewhere that works for you.

Everybody knows you only live a day but it's brilliant anyway
either/or is online now  
post #9 of 23 (permalink) Old 09-07-2020, 04:50 PM
bipolar
 
harrison's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 15,926
No I absolutely hate it. This would be one of the longest periods of isolation I've had to deal with - because of the lockdown etc, and it's driving me really crazy.
harrison is online now  
post #10 of 23 (permalink) Old 09-07-2020, 06:03 PM
Born Of Blotmonaū
 
Canadian Brotha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Over Yonder
Language: South Martian, North Terran, & Lunarian
Age: 32
Posts: 18,630
My Mood: Cynical
Yes, I usually hermit on my days off, part of it is recovery from SA/depression, part of it is just being an introvert & wanting my own time to do my own thing without anyone influencing it. I love riding my bike at night for the same reason, itís so peaceful out when there arenít people about everywhere
Canadian Brotha is offline  
post #11 of 23 (permalink) Old 09-07-2020, 06:09 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Rainforest <-> Tundra
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,942
My Mood: Bored
Ideally, I would have two to four hours of low-stress socialization five days per week.

I both like and hate being alone.

I went to festivals and walks just to be around people, but I also like being the only one at a museum exhibit instead of getting crowded out.
leaf in the wind is online now  
post #12 of 23 (permalink) Old 09-07-2020, 07:10 PM
drifting in mist
 
firelight's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 265
I look forward to and fantasize about it a lot. But when I'm alone in the house I just end up glued to the computer and miserable. Maybe if I were out in nature somewhere, but I don't have the skills/tools/guts. Domesticated animal
firelight is offline  
post #13 of 23 (permalink) Old 09-07-2020, 10:55 PM
(*__*)
 
Mlt18's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: U.S
Language: N/A
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,235
Yeah especially if I feel smothered by too many social interactions in a very short amount of time. I need at least 2-3 days to recover and feel like I have energy and stuff.
Mlt18 is offline  
post #14 of 23 (permalink) Old 09-08-2020, 01:11 AM
Temporarily Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: I've come to burn your kingdom down one ****post at a time
Language: Eng (UK,) 下手な日本語
Posts: 40,311
I'm always alone even when I'm not alone tbh.
Persephone The Dread is offline  
post #15 of 23 (permalink) Old 09-08-2020, 06:13 PM Thread Starter
Failure's Art
 
either/or's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2020
Gender: Male
Posts: 914
Quote:
Originally Posted by Persephone The Dread View Post
I'm always alone even when I'm not alone tbh.

**** I know right...if you're too different you never truly connect with anyone, regardless of physical proximity...

Everybody knows you only live a day but it's brilliant anyway
either/or is online now  
post #16 of 23 (permalink) Old 09-08-2020, 07:47 PM
Not A Low Calorie Food
 
WillYouStopDave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: United States
Gender: Male
Age: 47
Posts: 31,631
My Mood: Relaxed
This has pretty much been the story of my life. Like when I first came here I was surprised to see how many people here were saying they craved having friends and getting attention and so forth when I always had the opposite problem. I kind of always craved a solitary life and just didn't really have the means. For me, socializing is a tedious chore. Most of the time. There are people I genuinely like but I find being around most people is just irritating and overwhelming mostly.
WillYouStopDave is online now  
post #17 of 23 (permalink) Old 09-09-2020, 12:16 AM
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Isc
Gender: Female
Posts: 792
Going to be a-lone forevs ^-^ But i wont stop.. trying not to be.
fluorish is offline  
post #18 of 23 (permalink) Old 09-10-2020, 03:41 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: suburbs
Language: English
Gender: Male
Posts: 5
My Mood: Sad
Mr Either Or, Well said. I couldn't have described my own life experience with un-peopled places and times better:

"I also have this weird desire to visit public places at odd hours when no one is around and just experience the places for myself, and have them all to myself. It's like they take on a life of their own when you do that - they're no longer defined by the people that give them their utility, instead they exist in a separate and different space altogether. It's like you're seeing them naked or something. Like you're experiencing something illicit or secret somehow. I find something so completely surreal about it."
GoodInnerLife is offline  
post #19 of 23 (permalink) Old 09-10-2020, 04:22 PM
SAS member
 
fire mage64's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: West Virginia
Language: English, and hopefully fluent Japanese one day...
Gender: Female
Age: 27
Posts: 3,431
My Mood: Cool
I took an entomology course in university and spent a lot of time alone in parks collecting insects for my semester project. When no one was around it felt like I was on a solitary adventure, exploring and discovering - like a real life version of Pokemon! Sometimes I would find an isolated bench to sit down and enjoy nature all to myself but sooner or later a couple and their kid(s) would come along and the peace would be disturbed. I feel a little selfish for those desires since it was a public park. After all - ANYONE is free to walk about. Although its kinda dangerous to walk anywhere at night as a female... And not to be political or anything but if I were a male it would be even more dangerous!

John 3:16 (NIV) For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
fire mage64 is online now  
post #20 of 23 (permalink) Old 09-10-2020, 04:56 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: State Home for the Ugly
Age: 33
Posts: 4,748
My Mood: Pensive
The happiest times in my life were when I was able to pursue my hobbies alone, with the only human contact being rote interactions for grocery shopping and other routine tasks. I don't get lonely, as long as I have internet access I get all the mental stimulation I need. I guess I'm lucky in that regard; being needy for in-person interaction and affection would make things that much more unbearable.
ScorchedEarth is offline  
Reply

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome