do I have adult ADD?
I never had any problems with focus as a child, even when I had bad anxiety, I could always get my homework done and was pretty focused mentally. But nowadays, I just feel like I can't concentrate on anything, and I can't relax. When I'm sitting in a restaurant, I just want to get up and leave. There have been many times when I've had to excuse myself and say I just need to take a walk or sit in the car (basically, what I mean is squirm around in the car) It's hard for me to watch TV. I get up every 5 or 10 minutes to get a snack or do something else. I'm very forgetful and always losing things. I have trouble following conversations because I get distracted. Could it be that my doctors have overlooked all this (I hide these symptoms very well). I always have this inner tension but I can force myself to appear somewhat normal in the company of others.
What bothers me the most is it holds me back intellectually. I am a tournament scrabble player and an amateur go player (a board game like chess). When I can't focus, I can't learn, and I can't improve. It really makes me angry. It makes me feel stupid. But I know I have more potential. Put a little alcohol in me and I can think so clearly, and I can embrace all the infinite possibilites... I regain that curiosity and focus that is required to excell in scrabble and go.
And no, I'm not going through alcohol withdrawal. I haven't had a drink in weeks. I haven't had a smoke in weeks either.