I came here in 10th grade when SA had me paralyzed, i did home tutors
while taking vicodin jan 2005, that whole year and stopped before 2007. The vikes made me aimless, I called it dissociative instead of dealing w/ my problems, and even off of them for a few months i was nuts. I had catatonic symptoms last summer, when i was smoking weed. I was paranoid, and called it dissociative braindead when i could no longer watch tv because i literally couldn't think, and was too depersonalized. My mom is the only person I can talk to, and I feel like our relationship is one-sided and she thinks I'm a schiz. I was in the hospital for paranoid psychosis, but I still believe, I'm not paranoid.
I moved in nov. and was so out of touch, I was dreaming AS a 5-15 year old, and didn't really know where I lived. I developed aimless/obsessive/
delusions, that are still lingering. I mumble random, disorganized things that I can't control, and often just feel sickended by. My family mocked me and called me paranoid because i flipped out, and wound up in the hospital, but I had no clue how to deal, my only thought was lying and saying i wasn't hallucinating. I'm positive my whole neighborhood knows me, cause i go out like a schizo to walk my dogs and they mock me and mumble. It happened in the hosptital w/ the other patients and stuff.
I can't talk to anyone, even my doc understands im a disorganized, semi-delusional schizo but ignores it and mocks, then calls me paranoid. My delusions arent so bad but I am cut off from my life, future, mom, and all i can do is think random things I KNOW make no sense.
I needed to vent, my life sucks, I'll never get out of my house like this. Disorganized schiz. is uncommon and I have NO help w/ it, considering I can't remember the last thing that went through my mind, or was said on tv or something. WTF can I do? I have too delusional or 'manic' on nihilist
philosophy, which is horrible, too even realize I have noone, my family is addicted to painkillers, and probably nihilist, and I can't stop echoing long enough to think str8. I mumble my every thought. I realize this post is useless, still helps to vent.
But does anyone know anything about it? Where do I start? I was out of school for 11th, idk if I'll go next year...
Maybe I just need to get the ***** out. Is anyone else as isolated and cant