I'm so sick of psychiatrists failing to distinguish between legitimate ugliness and imagined ugliness. By failing to make this distinction, they incorrectly diagnose thousands of people with BDD and end up making their lives worse.
The fact of the matter is that beauty is overwhelmingly objective: It comes down to the symmetry of your facial halves and the proportions of your facial landmarks. That's it -- there's hardly any subjectivity involved in interpreting beauty.
i am somewhat interested in this topic and i dont want to seem dismissive of your opinions, as i believe there is much to discuss. i hope it wont seem too obnoxious if i try to challenge your opinions, some of which i am sure are damaging you.
i know there have been attempts within science to understand what beauty is, but honestly, you must talk to people personally, the idea that it all comes down to symmetry or some easily definable attributes is very wrong.
i know that if you and i were to look at a certain kind of picture of a person, we would probably agree "this person will get a lot of attention on dating sites". but our perception of beauty is far greater than that. ive seen people who were unremarkable in pictures and then when i met them, they came across as far more attractive. some factors are, their body language, and the range of facial expressions they use (which amounts to the vibe you get from them, as well as what their face literally looks like, since most people don't have one constant and fixed facial expression).
but then after all of that its important to talk to people about what they actually find attractive. from my own personal experience i know guys that love very overweight women and they cant really work with anything else. or you get people who love "exotic women", ie, women of races they are unfamiliar. ive seen a middle-eastern girl i know talk about how much she "hates her big nose", or the dark hairs she gets on her arms, and its like, i know sooo many people who were crushing on her specifically because of her dark hair and relatively exotic (for where i come from) appearance.
edit : this is the sort of thing im talking about
you too could have all your character removed by surgery and look like people on tv O_o
im not saying either
picture is bad, i just dont think there was anything "wrong" with this person in the first place
if you believe adverts and the media and maybe hollywood beauty standards then probably 90% of women would never be able to get a partner. thats not what i see when i look around.
I should also add that attractiveness plays an enormous role in determining the quality of one's life (duh!). Therefore, people who are legitimately ugly have every reason to be distraught over their appearance. They have every reason to be depressed and -- depending on the severity of their ugliness -- suicidal. I firmly believe that in some cases of incorrigible ugliness, death is a realistic option.
these views are very extreme. maybe in time you will get to know some good-looking people who have had to put up with no end of bullsh1t because of it. creeps hitting on them constantly, people who are only interested in being their friend with the hope of getting sexually involved, who then cut all ties when the person gets a partner, ive seen this a bunch of times. how would you feel if you were friends with someone for years and they ditched you because it turns out that they were only interested in you sexually? i mean, once that had happened to you several times, can you see how horrible that would be? good looking people have problems, too.
ive spent most of my life thinking that i look awful, but im glad i stuck around to the point where i started to get the good kind of attention, and figured out that there are actually women who like how i look.
and yet, i understand what you are saying. its not nice to think that you arent good looking, that you arent pleasing to the eye. but loads of people arent good looking. and they somehow find ways to live their lives, have jobs, get partners, have children, go on holidays, and do other stuff that people like to do. how on earth do they manage to do this without having their face chopped up by a surgeon? i think thats maybe a question you should spend some time thinking about. maybe think about some famous people who are doing alright despite being butt ugly.
i dont think anyone thinks donald trump is good looking, but he seems to have done alright for himself.
bill gates has changed the world, and he looks like magikarp
What legitimately ugly people need is not counseling but surgery. Cosmetic surgery doesn't perform miracles, but it can provide significant and objective improvements to one's facial appearance. Someone with a wide, humped, crooked nose would probably benefit much more from a quality rhinoplasty than therapy. Unlike therapy, surgery treats the problem (unattractive facial features), not the symptoms (depression and anxiety over appearance).
surgery can often go wrong and leave you looking worse, and like someone who obviously had bad surgery. what if the patient simply managed to get laid a few times, increasing their confidence in their appearance? what if they got surgery and it didnt change how they feel? im not saying surgery isnt a solution, because im sure it is, for a lot of people. but the problem is really how people FEEL about their appearance, its perfectly acceptable to be imperfect looking, since thats what everyone looks like. the problem is when people obsess about their looks and think that it means they cant achieve what they want in life, and just shut down, when in reality there are plenty of succesful fat people, bald people, people with big noses, yadda yadda yadda.
anyway i am sure you will think what you want to think but i just thought i would add some different perspectives to the discussion
and for what its worth, i might be getting a mole thing lopped off my nose soon by the dr ;P but ill still be ugly without it lmao